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They’re Out For The Count(y)

, | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work for a call center for a well know bank. Due to concerns about fraud, for any transaction that the bank deems ‘high risk’ we have to verify our customers further before we do a transaction. One of the ways to do it is to ask questions that are pulled from their credit report.)

Customer: “I need to change my address; I am moving Tuesday.”

Me: “Ok, sir, I can understand why that would be important to you. I will need to verify you more fully before we proceed. I will ask you a couple of public record questions, followed by a ‘none of the above’ or ‘does not apply’. Please select which opens fits you best, okay?”

Customer: “Go ahead.”

Me: “What county is on record with [Bank] for your residential address?” *I read the options*

Customer: “I don’t have a county. I live in a city.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. Do you live in the United States?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then you do live in a county; what county do you live in?”

Customer: “OH! I heard you wrong. You said country! I live in the United States.”

Me: “No, sir. That is not a county. You know, like, Orange County in California?”

Customer: “Wait, the color or the food?”

(Needless to say the customer didn’t pass the authentication and ended up needing to go to the branch. I wonder if that guy ever found out what a county was…)

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New Year’s Pay

| NM, USA | Holidays, Money, Time

(It’s New Year’s Eve and we close at noon. It’s fifteen after when a lady walks up to the locked doors and tries to pry them open.)

Customer: “I need to make a deposit! Let me in!”

Me: *pointing to hours posted on the door* “Ma’am, we are closed. You can make a deposit at our ATM and it will be processed on Monday, or you can come in on Monday to make the deposit in person.”

Customer: “It’s just one deposit! Let me in!” *frantically pulling at the door*

Me: “Ma’am, our teller drawers are closed for the day and locked up. We can not possibly make a deposit at this point. The calendars in our system are set for Monday, so it won’t accept any transactions.”

Customer: “Take it! TAKE IT!” *now trying to shove the deposit through the crack in the door*

(At that point, I just rolled my eyes and walked away. I feel bad for people whose account might get overdrawn, but if we can’t do anything, we can’t do anything!)

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Enveloped In Holiday Spirit

| Wilmington, DE, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays

(I work for a local bank, and we give out free holiday money envelopes during November & December. We only get two boxes, so we limit five per customer to make the supply last. Most people understand while a few get bent out of shape. This customer is usually a grouch every time he visits.)

Coworker: “Okay, here is your cash. Can I help you with anything else today?”

Grumpy Regular: “Do you have any Christmas envelopes?”

Coworker: “Yes, how many would you like? I can give you about five.” *retrieves five envelopes, and hands them to him*

Grumpy Regular: “I need eight.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but we have a limit of five per customer. We run out before Thanksgiving if we don’t.”

Grumpy Regular: “I ONLY WANT THREE MORE! I come to this branch all the time!”

Coworker: “I understand, but five is the limit.”

Grumpy Regular: *throws envelopes at my coworker* “YOU KNOW WHAT!? I’M SWITCHING TO [National Bank with terrible customer service]! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” *storms out*

Coworker: “Merry Christmas!”

(Thank God we ran out of the envelopes a few days later!)

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Reindeer Sneer

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Pets & Animals

(It is Christmas Eve, and I am wearing a headband with reindeer antlers.)

Customer: “What is that on your head?!”

Me: *quite startled* “Um… Reindeer antlers?”

Customer: *scowling* “NO.” *walks away*

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Crimea River

| Seattle, WA, USA | Geography

(My parents and I have been living in the USA for about twenty years. We moved here from Ukraine and still have a house there for vacation trips. My mom sends money to a neighbor each month to keep an eye on the property and maintain the grounds.)

Mom: *hands form to bank teller the form with the information for the recipient, including the address*

Teller: “Umm… where are you trying to send this money to?”

Mom: “To a friend in Ukraine.”

Teller: “Ukraine? I’ve never heard of it…”

Mom: “It’s a country in Eastern Europe, near Russia.”

Teller: “Are you sure? I’ve never heard of it.”

Mom: “Well, I lived there for nearly 40 years before moving to America. So I’m quite sure.”

Teller: “I don’t know if we can send money there. I’m not even sure if it’s a real place, I’ve never heard of it.”

Mom: “I’m sure you can. I’ve been sending money there every single month for years and have never had a problem at this bank before.”

(At this point I’m getting annoyed so I pull out my smartphone and bring up a world map to show her.)

Me: “See? It’s right there. On the map. Do you trust the map?”

Teller: “I guess. I just don’t know why I’ve never heard of it.”

Me: *rolls eyes*

Teller: “Okay. So, the city is [Name] but you’ve left the space for the state blank.”

Mom: “Ukraine doesn’t have any states. It’s a pretty small country.”

Teller: “But why does the form have a space for ‘state,’ then?”

Me: “Because some countries have separate states or provinces. But not all of them. Ukraine doesn’t, so on the mailing address it’s just the city, country, and postal code.”

Teller: “But the form…”

(By this time my mom and I are getting frustrated since we’re wasting time on an errand that usually is pretty straightforward and quick. )

Mom: “Can you please just enter the information in the computer? I don’t have time to explain how geography works to you.”

Teller: *enters the information into the computer system* “Oh, wow, it seems to have gone through! I guess you were right.”

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