Has Got You Bleat

| OR, USA | Bizarre, Pets & Animals

(While I’m processing a deposit:)

Me: “So, how’s your morning going so far?”

Customer: *cheerfully matter-of-fact* “Oh, good. No dead babies this morning!”

Me: “I… don’t know how to respond to that.”

Customer: “I was helping give birth to goat babies at five am this morning.”

Me: “Oh…”

Coworker: *after he leaves* “Why would you say that?!”

Storming Through The Transaction

| NH, USA | Crazy Requests

(I work at a bank that’s open seven days a week and very rarely closes, even in terrible weather. We closed for one day because of a bad storm; even the governor had called a state of emergency. This is the day after closing.)

Me: “Hi, sir, how’s it going today? Just the deposit?”

Customer: “It would be going much better if you didn’t close yesterday!”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that, sir. Unfortunately the weather did not permit us to open.”

Customer: “Well, it’s too bad for you, then! I had to drive ALL THE WAY to [Different Bank 5 minutes away] to deposit my $300,000 check. You guys will NEVER see a penny of that!”

Me: “I’m very sorry to hear that, sir. Was there anything else I could help you with today?”

Customer: “NO! Next time, don’t close! I’ve been a customer for 20 years and you MADE me go somewhere else.”

(At this point I’m just agitated that we’ve finished the transaction, there’s a line forming, and he won’t shut up.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. What would you like me to do? I have no power over the weather. I’m sorry to hear you risked your life driving to deposit that check. Next time I’ll ask Mother Nature to stop snowing so we can open just for you.”

Customer: “YOU BETTER MAKE IT STOP SNOWING!”

(And with that, he left. By far the strangest conversation I’ve had with someone while working there. The next customer tried to cheer me up by jokingly telling me they were taking their business elsewhere because we closed during a major snowstorm!)

Well… Maybe After Brexit…

| NC, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I overhear a conversation between a coworker and a customer at the teller line:)

Customer: “I’m actually moving to a different country soon.”

Coworker: “Oh, what country are you moving to?”

Customer: “London.”

(I really hope she figures out London isn’t a country before she moves there!)

Gets The Chest Signal

| Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre

(I am working as a bank teller at the drive-up window. A lady pulls up and I greet her through the speaker.)

Lady: “Can I ask a favor? I can’t find my phone in the car. If I give you my number, will you please call it?”

(I agree, and dial the number. Once it begins to ring, the lady jerks her head up with a shock, eyes wide. She proceeds to reach down her shirt and pull her phone out of her bra.)

Lady: “Found it!”

They’re Out For The Count(y)

, | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work for a call center for a well know bank. Due to concerns about fraud, for any transaction that the bank deems ‘high risk’ we have to verify our customers further before we do a transaction. One of the ways to do it is to ask questions that are pulled from their credit report.)

Customer: “I need to change my address; I am moving Tuesday.”

Me: “Ok, sir, I can understand why that would be important to you. I will need to verify you more fully before we proceed. I will ask you a couple of public record questions, followed by a ‘none of the above’ or ‘does not apply’. Please select which opens fits you best, okay?”

Customer: “Go ahead.”

Me: “What county is on record with [Bank] for your residential address?” *I read the options*

Customer: “I don’t have a county. I live in a city.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. Do you live in the United States?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then you do live in a county; what county do you live in?”

Customer: “OH! I heard you wrong. You said country! I live in the United States.”

Me: “No, sir. That is not a county. You know, like, Orange County in California?”

Customer: “Wait, the color or the food?”

(Needless to say the customer didn’t pass the authentication and ended up needing to go to the branch. I wonder if that guy ever found out what a county was…)

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