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That’s One For The Log

, | PA, USA | Extra Stupid, Technology

(I work in a call center for a financial institution; I receive some pretty interesting phone calls. I’m paranoid about submitting too many and getting fired, but I thought this small one might be funny.)

Me: “Thank you for calling customer service. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Caller: *says immediately without pulling up his account information* “I’m looking at my login ID screen.”

Me: *silence to make sure I don’t interrupt him, expecting to hear more about the problem* “Okay. How may I help you?”

Caller: “I can’t log in.”

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It’s Going To Be One Of Those Bays

, | Orlando, FL, USA | Bizarre

(It is the last call of the night. The customer is in California.)

Customer: “You sound like you are from the Bay Area.”

Me: “That is funny, seeing I am on the other side of the country in Florida.”

Customer: “Of course, you sound like you are from there.”

Me: “From Florida?”

Customer: “Yes.”

Me: “I don’t sound Spanish or country or like a snow bird.”

Customer: “No, but you sound middle-class.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “But it is my birthday; follow me on instagram.”

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This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 56

, | Montreal, QC, Canada | Extra Stupid, Money

(I work at a bank. My caller does not understand why the $2500 cheque she deposited was returned, and now she owes the bank.)

Me: “Well, ma’am, the cheque was fraudulent, and there was nowhere to receive the funds so we had to withdraw the money from your account.”

Customer: “But why do I have to pay back if the cheque was a fake cheque?”

Me: “…because you spent all the money.”

Customer: “Yeah, but I did not know it was a fraudulent cheque.”

(This is BS, because she withdrew $2000 as soon as she deposited and then another $500 the next day.)

Me: “Yes, but you still spent the money, so you should go back to the person that gave you the cheque and ask him to give you a new one. Then you can simply deposit it again and you will be fine.”

Customer: “Yeah, well, I don’t know where to find him since he left the country, but I don’t think I should be paying this money back because it was not my fault.”

Me: “Ma’am… did you spend the money or did someone else?”

Customer: “I spent it.”

Me: “Then you have to pay it back.”

Customer: “F*** you.” *hangs up*

Related:

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 55

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 54

This Is Why We’re In A Recession, Part 53

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Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 3

, | Boise, ID, USA | Crazy Requests, Money

(I work at a call center for a bank that finances credit cards for several companies: anything from jewelry to gasoline. We handle both consumer and business cards. The craziest call I ever get is from a business account for office supplies.)

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company]; my name is [My Name]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Yes, my name is [Customer] and I am authorized by [Accounts Payable] to pay $140.”

(I verify them as authorized on the account. The balance is over $800.)

Me: “I can certainly run that payment for you, but that amount will not postpone further collections activity. The balance is [amount #1] and is five months past due. We need a payment of [amount #2] to prevent the account going to third party collections.”

Customer: “I don’t think you understand; I will only pay you $140. If I make this payment, you have to forgive the rest of the debt. I WILL NOT pay you any more, and you WILL NOT charge me any more late fees.”

Me: “I can’t do that. This is a balance that has been accrued on this credit card. It needs to be paid in full or at least paid on time to prevent further fees.”

(Customer ranted on and on about how it wasn’t fair of us to charge him and that he would speak with accounts payable. Then he hung up.)

Related:
Got To Give Him Credit For Trying, Part 2
Got To Give Him Credit For Trying

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Got To Give You Debit For Trying

| Poughkeepsie, NY, USA | Money

Customer: “Can I replace my debit card?”

Me: “Did you lose yours?”

Customer: “No, I left it home.”

Me: “Well, why don’t you go home and get it?”

Customer: “I want to get some pizza at [Pizza Place] next door and I don’t want to go home.”

(I pull up the customer’s information on the computer and notice he lives four blocks away but decides not to comment further.)

Me: “You could just do a cash withdrawal and pay for the pizza with cash.”

Customer: “I don’t want to look up my account number.”

Me: “I can do that for you right now.”

Customer: “No, just replace the debit card.”

(How lazy can some people be?)

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