Gets The Chest Signal

| Rochester, NY, USA | Bizarre

(I am working as a bank teller at the drive-up window. A lady pulls up and I greet her through the speaker.)

Lady: “Can I ask a favor? I can’t find my phone in the car. If I give you my number, will you please call it?”

(I agree, and dial the number. Once it begins to ring, the lady jerks her head up with a shock, eyes wide. She proceeds to reach down her shirt and pull her phone out of her bra.)

Lady: “Found it!”

They’re Out For The Count(y)

, | TX, USA | Extra Stupid, Geography

(I work for a call center for a well know bank. Due to concerns about fraud, for any transaction that the bank deems ‘high risk’ we have to verify our customers further before we do a transaction. One of the ways to do it is to ask questions that are pulled from their credit report.)

Customer: “I need to change my address; I am moving Tuesday.”

Me: “Ok, sir, I can understand why that would be important to you. I will need to verify you more fully before we proceed. I will ask you a couple of public record questions, followed by a ‘none of the above’ or ‘does not apply’. Please select which opens fits you best, okay?”

Customer: “Go ahead.”

Me: “What county is on record with [Bank] for your residential address?” *I read the options*

Customer: “I don’t have a county. I live in a city.”

Me: “Yes, sir, I understand that. Do you live in the United States?”

Customer: “Yeah.”

Me: “Then you do live in a county; what county do you live in?”

Customer: “OH! I heard you wrong. You said country! I live in the United States.”

Me: “No, sir. That is not a county. You know, like, Orange County in California?”

Customer: “Wait, the color or the food?”

(Needless to say the customer didn’t pass the authentication and ended up needing to go to the branch. I wonder if that guy ever found out what a county was…)

New Year’s Pay

| NM, USA | Holidays, Money, Time

(It’s New Year’s Eve and we close at noon. It’s fifteen after when a lady walks up to the locked doors and tries to pry them open.)

Customer: “I need to make a deposit! Let me in!”

Me: *pointing to hours posted on the door* “Ma’am, we are closed. You can make a deposit at our ATM and it will be processed on Monday, or you can come in on Monday to make the deposit in person.”

Customer: “It’s just one deposit! Let me in!” *frantically pulling at the door*

Me: “Ma’am, our teller drawers are closed for the day and locked up. We can not possibly make a deposit at this point. The calendars in our system are set for Monday, so it won’t accept any transactions.”

Customer: “Take it! TAKE IT!” *now trying to shove the deposit through the crack in the door*

(At that point, I just rolled my eyes and walked away. I feel bad for people whose account might get overdrawn, but if we can’t do anything, we can’t do anything!)

Enveloped In Holiday Spirit

| Wilmington, DE, USA | Bad Behavior, Holidays

(I work for a local bank, and we give out free holiday money envelopes during November & December. We only get two boxes, so we limit five per customer to make the supply last. Most people understand while a few get bent out of shape. This customer is usually a grouch every time he visits.)

Coworker: “Okay, here is your cash. Can I help you with anything else today?”

Grumpy Regular: “Do you have any Christmas envelopes?”

Coworker: “Yes, how many would you like? I can give you about five.” *retrieves five envelopes, and hands them to him*

Grumpy Regular: “I need eight.”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but we have a limit of five per customer. We run out before Thanksgiving if we don’t.”

Grumpy Regular: “I ONLY WANT THREE MORE! I come to this branch all the time!”

Coworker: “I understand, but five is the limit.”

Grumpy Regular: *throws envelopes at my coworker* “YOU KNOW WHAT!? I’M SWITCHING TO [National Bank with terrible customer service]! THIS IS RIDICULOUS!” *storms out*

Coworker: “Merry Christmas!”

(Thank God we ran out of the envelopes a few days later!)

Reindeer Sneer

| TX, USA | Bizarre, Holidays, Pets & Animals

(It is Christmas Eve, and I am wearing a headband with reindeer antlers.)

Customer: “What is that on your head?!”

Me: *quite startled* “Um… Reindeer antlers?”

Customer: *scowling* “NO.” *walks away*

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