Gig Us A Hug!

, , , | Friendly | May 31, 2019

(This is a bit of a different story. I’ve gone to see my favourite band, who are touring at the moment. They used to be quite a small band, but they’ve grown in popularity recently, having been in the country’s most popular rock music magazine multiple times. They’re still really humble and down to earth, though, and the lead singer books all their tours.)

Me: “Hey, [Lead Singer], great to see you again!”

Lead Singer: “Oh, it’s you again! I remember you from last time! How are you enjoying it so far?” *pulls me in for a hug*

Me: “Amazing, as always! You know I always love your gigs!”

(We get chatting about random things for a while.)

Me: “I just wish I could see you in [Other City they’re playing next week], too! I’ve just got no money at the moment. I know it was only £10, but I could hardly even afford the ticket for this one!”

Lead Singer: “Well… [Other City] isn’t even close to being sold out yet. Just turn up and I’ll make sure you get in!”

(I’m really shocked because I honestly wasn’t expecting this!)

Me: “No, no, there’s no way I could let you do that—“

Lead Singer: “Honestly, if the venue isn’t full yet, and there are still people who’d love to see us play and who’d genuinely enjoy it, then nothing would make me happier. Just turn up next Friday and I’ll sort it.”

(I was honestly speechless by this point, so I just thanked him and gave him another hug. And people wonder why they’re my favourite band!)


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Let’s Make Beautiful Puns Together

, , , , , | Friendly | February 21, 2019

(I’m at rehearsal for my college’s jazz band. It’s toward the end of rehearsal and we are about two-thirds of the way through sight-reading our last piece of music for the night. Suddenly the bassist stops playing. Once the director notices, he cuts us off.)

Director: “What’s up, [Bassist]?”

Bassist: “I don’t have the last page.”

Director: “What?”

Bassist: “I don’t have the final page of the music.”

Director: “Hmm…”

Bassist: “I’ll try to get by without it; could you give me some of the chords?”

(I usually stand next to the bassist. There’s an extension cord laying on the ground by my feet, so I pick it up and hand it to him.)

Me: “Here’s a cord.”

(The entire band begins to groan at my terrible pun, but the bassist just stares at me with a confused look on his face.)

Bassist: “Okay?

(We start getting ready to play again, and then, right as the director is about to count us off…)

Bassist: “Ohhh! I did not get that until just now.”

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The Sub Is Drawing A Blank

, , , , , | Learning | April 27, 2018

(I am going to band class. We have a substitute teacher none of us have met yet.)

Substitute Teacher: “Okay, class, we will be going to the computer lab to do band work.”

Class: “What about the stuff on the board?”

Substitute Teacher: “That is nothing.”

(Being an annoyingly curious lot, we ask her how she knows this.)

Substitute Teacher: “I have a paper right here.”

(We go to the computer lab and do the music work. The next day, we ask the teacher what was on the board.)

Teacher: “What? That was your work! Why didn’t you do it?”

Class: “We were told to do something else. The sub said that a paper told her to do it. “

Teacher: “What paper?”

Class: “That one.”

(The teacher looked at it. Guess what? It was BLANK. Our teacher never hired that sub again.)

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Spectator Sport Is A Spectator Sport

, , , , , , | Learning | January 11, 2018

(At school I’m in the band. Our director has a sense of humor and jokes around with us a lot. One day the following conversation happens.)

Director: “How many of you watch people play video games on YouTube?”

(Most of us raise our hands.)

Director: “Those with a raised hand, can you tell me why?”

(Again most of us raise our hands, and the director calls on someone.)

Student: “Do you watch football?”

Director: “Sometimes, why?”

Student: “Well, why do you watch football?”

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New Standing Orders

| Learning | April 28, 2016

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a saxophone player in our marching band. One afternoon during class we are doing breathing exercises and I push myself a little too far. The next thing I remember is the band teacher’s face hovering over me and the room disturbingly quiet.)

Teacher: “[My Name]? Can you hear me?”

Me: *a little confused, as I’ve never passed out before* “Yes, sir…”

Teacher: “Good. Does your head hurt? Do you feel nauseous at all?”

Me: “No, sir, to both… What… um…”

Teacher: “You passed out. Don’t worry, happens to all of us at least once. Here, get her into a chair. You just stay put until you feel well enough to play, okay?”

Me: “All right. If you say so, sir.”

(For what I think is the next few minutes I sit in one of our uncomfortable blue plastic chairs as the teacher goes through the rest of breathing exercises and begins horn warm-up. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, everyone is at the finishing note of our show… And I’m still in the chair, with two of the bungee straps used to keep covers on the pit equipment wrapped over my legs and attached at the bottom of the chair, effectively keeping me in my seat.)

Me: *waits for the teacher to give the horns down gesture before raising my hand* “Sir? Why am I bungeed to my chair?”

Teacher: *awkwardly laughs* “You don’t remember?”

Me: “No…”

Teacher: “You kept trying to stand up. Whenever you stood up you just fell over again, so [Other Sax Player] suggested the bungees.”

Other Sax Player: “We tried telling you to stop but whenever you answered us you would just say ‘Cumberbun’ and keep trying to stand up.”

Me: “…Oh. Carry on, then.”

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