The Sub Is Drawing A Blank

, , , , , | Learning | April 27, 2018

(I am going to band class. We have a substitute teacher none of us have met yet.)

Substitute Teacher: “Okay, class, we will be going to the computer lab to do band work.”

Class: “What about the stuff on the board?”

Substitute Teacher: “That is nothing.”

(Being an annoyingly curious lot, we ask her how she knows this.)

Substitute Teacher: “I have a paper right here.”

(We go to the computer lab and do the music work. The next day, we ask the teacher what was on the board.)

Teacher: “What? That was your work! Why didn’t you do it?”

Class: “We were told to do something else. The sub said that a paper told her to do it. “

Teacher: “What paper?”

Class: “That one.”

(The teacher looked at it. Guess what? It was BLANK. Our teacher never hired that sub again.)

Spectator Sport Is A Spectator Sport

, , , , , , | Learning | January 11, 2018

(At school I’m in the band. Our director has a sense of humor and jokes around with us a lot. One day the following conversation happens.)

Director: “How many of you watch people play video games on YouTube?”

(Most of us raise our hands.)

Director: “Those with a raised hand, can you tell me why?”

(Again most of us raise our hands, and the director calls on someone.)

Student: “Do you watch football?”

Director: “Sometimes, why?”

Student: “Well, why do you watch football?”

New Standing Orders

| FL, USA | Learning | April 28, 2016

(I’m a sophomore in high school and a saxophone player in our marching band. One afternoon during class we are doing breathing exercises and I push myself a little too far. The next thing I remember is the band teacher’s face hovering over me and the room disturbingly quiet.)

Teacher: “[My Name]? Can you hear me?”

Me: *a little confused, as I’ve never passed out before* “Yes, sir…”

Teacher: “Good. Does your head hurt? Do you feel nauseous at all?”

Me: “No, sir, to both… What… um…”

Teacher: “You passed out. Don’t worry, happens to all of us at least once. Here, get her into a chair. You just stay put until you feel well enough to play, okay?”

Me: “All right. If you say so, sir.”

(For what I think is the next few minutes I sit in one of our uncomfortable blue plastic chairs as the teacher goes through the rest of breathing exercises and begins horn warm-up. Then, seemingly out of nowhere, everyone is at the finishing note of our show… And I’m still in the chair, with two of the bungee straps used to keep covers on the pit equipment wrapped over my legs and attached at the bottom of the chair, effectively keeping me in my seat.)

Me: *waits for the teacher to give the horns down gesture before raising my hand* “Sir? Why am I bungeed to my chair?”

Teacher: *awkwardly laughs* “You don’t remember?”

Me: “No…”

Teacher: “You kept trying to stand up. Whenever you stood up you just fell over again, so [Other Sax Player] suggested the bungees.”

Other Sax Player: “We tried telling you to stop but whenever you answered us you would just say ‘Cumberbun’ and keep trying to stand up.”

Me: “…Oh. Carry on, then.”

The Conductor Isn’t Over The Rainbow Just Yet

| OH, USA | Learning | February 6, 2015

(During my band class, I and a few friends start getting off topic. It ends in us singing the first few lines of Over the Rainbow, and we giggle a lot.)

Me: *finishes singing* “I wonder if [Conductor] noticed…”

Conductor: “I did. You’re not in Kansas anymore.”

Singing From The Same Joke Book

, | White Lake, MI, USA | Learning | July 9, 2014

(During rehearsal, the band director is going through each section separately to work on problem areas. He tends to “sing,” rather badly, notes and rhythms every time we struggle with something.)

Director: “Okay, I think that wraps that up for the flutes. Now for the saxophones…”

Flutist #1: *yells out to the band director* “Hey, can we sing this part at the end?”

Director: “No. No one wants to hear you sing.”

Me: “No one wants to hear you sing, either, but you do it all the time.”

(I slap my hand over my mouth as the rest of the class giggles. I hadn’t meant to say that out loud and was afraid the band director would punish me, but he has a sense of humor.)

Director: *laughing* “You’re lucky you’re one of my best students.”

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