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So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2011

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

*blank stare*

Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

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Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down

, , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2010

(I am working as a bartender at a restaurant. The waitress has added a 15% gratuity because the party has been large and difficult to deal with.)

Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ crap?! I ain’t paying for no ‘gravity’!”

Waitress: *without missing a beat* “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”

Customer: “Oh, all right, then.” *pays the check*

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Turn The Tables

, , , , , | Right | October 14, 2010

(We have a coupon for a free entrée. A new waitress comes up and asks me a question.)

Coworker: “How do I handle two coupons?”

Me: “What?”

Coworker: “My table of three by the window. They got the entrées and waters. They want to use two coupons.”

Me: “They can’t use two coupons. It says ‘one per group’. Tell her to save it for next week.”

Coworker: “She says they are two groups. So they want to use two coupons.”

Me: “They can’t use two coupons because it’s only one check.”

(She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Coworker: “She says she wants separate checks.”

Me: “Tell her she can’t have separate checks just because she wants to use two coupons.”

(She leaves, but comes back a few minutes later.)

Coworker: “They want to talk to a manager.”

(A third coworker and I argue over what to do, as the manager isn’t here tonight. Reluctantly, I go out to the table, posing as the manager. I tell them the same thing that the waitress told them.)

Me: “Ma’am, our policy is that coupons can only be used one per group. You are all obviously one group, as you are sitting at the same table.”

(Irately, the woman grabs the table; which happens to be two separate tables placed together, and moves them about six inches apart.)

Customer: “There. Now we are two separate tables.”

Me: *trying to remain courteous* “I’ll see what I can do.”

(I go back, separate the checks, apply the discounts, and take both checks to the table.)

Me: “I can take that when you are ready.”

(She fishes in her purse, and hands me her credit card.)

Customer: “Use my card to pay for both!”


This story is part of the Confused-By-Coupons roundup!

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Contains Scenes Of A Fraudulent Nature

, , , , , , | Right | March 25, 2010

Guest: “Hi, I just accidentally ordered a movie, and I didn’t mean to. Take it off my bill.”

Me: “Let me just look that up.”

(I see that he’s had a movie voided off his bill every day he’s been here this week. I had my manager listen in.)

Me: “Sir? You say this was a mistake?”

Guest: “Yeah, I didn’t mean to order it.”

Me: “It looks like you’ve asked that a movie be voided off your bill every day that you’ve been here this week. Is that correct?”

Guest: “Yeah, it’s this stupid TV. It just starts the movies even if you don’t want them to start. It’s not my fault. I was just looking at the description.”

(My boss goes over to our cable system, where we look at each movie order and the length of time they’ve watched each movie. Based on the price, we knew he was watching ‘adult’ films.)

Me: “Sir, it looks like you’ve watched this movie for 20 minutes. Is there a reason you watched that much before calling us?”

Guest: “I don’t need the d*** movie anymore, okay? I don’t need it anymore!”

Me: “Sir, that is too much information, and we will not be crediting any more movies off your bill.”


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Bagged Himself A Steal

, , , , , , | Right | November 11, 2009

(I work as a cart attendant at a popular retail store. It is a rather slow day and my coworker and I are getting ready to go get more carts when I hear our undercover security guard yelling.)

Undercover Guard: “[Security Guard], stop this guy! He stole an iPod!”

(The security guard heads the guy off at the front but the shoplifter pulls a knife.)

Shoplifter: “Let me by or I’ll cut the s*** out of you!”

(Due to company policy, the security guard has to let him pass due to safety reasons. The shoplifter tries to run out the entrance while a rather elderly looking man is entering. The elderly man then proceeds to clothesline the thief, jump on top of him, punch him in the face, and disarm him. The elderly man stands up.)

Elderly Man: “I got him!”

(All four of us are astonished at what has just happened. As the security guard hauls the shoplifter into the security office to await the police, my fellow cart attendant and I start talking to the old man.)

Coworker: “That was the coolest thing I’ve seen all year!”

Me: “Yeah, where did you learn to do that!?”

Elderly Man: “Oh, that was nothing! I learned how to do that from my DI in basic years ago!”

(It turns out he was a Marine veteran who fought through WWII, the Korean War, and Vietnam! The man was made an honorary employee and given the employee discount for life!)


This story is part of our Veteran’s Day roundup!

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