They Made It Physical

, , , , , | Working | October 28, 2019

(Back in the 90s, my parents volunteer as treasurers for their community pool. Each year, the pool has to be inspected by the state before it can open. As the pool is only open from May to September, normally the inspection office will send a notice to the PO box saying when they will be around to do the inspection and someone with a key will meet them to let them in. One year, as opening day approaches, my mother begins to get nervous as she has been checking the PO box and no such notice has arrived. The pool cannot operate without the inspection, so after having no luck getting through to someone, she drives downtown and marches into their office.)

Inspector: “We sent someone down there but no one was there to let the inspector in.”

Mom: “Right. Because we didn’t know we had to be there. No one sent us a notice so that we could let them in. The pool is only open three months out of the year.”

Inspector: “We sent the notice.”

(They go back and forth on this. Mom checked the PO box diligently so she knows nothing has been sent.)

Mom: “What address did you send the notice to?”

Inspector: *flips her computer screen around so Mom can see it* “We sent it here.”

Mom: “That’s the physical address! There is no one there when the pool isn’t open, which it says in the notes.” *points to another area on the screen*This is the mailing address! It clearly says that on the screen. Not only that, but I also see that you have six phone numbers you could have called if you needed someone to let you in.”

Inspector: “Look, ma’am. We sent the notice. We sent someone out. You weren’t there to let us in. That’s not our fault.”

Mom: “Do you not know the difference between a physical address and a mailing address?”

Inspector: “I know the difference, but—”

Mom: “Good. Then set up another appointment for the physical address right now for any time before Memorial Day weekend when the pool is supposed to be open. I’ll be there myself to let them in.”

(Mom got her appointment and left. The week before the pool opened, some volunteers went over to the pool to clean and found the inspection notice stuck in between the gates.)

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Orphaned AND Blind!

, , , , , | Learning | September 7, 2019

(We live two blocks away from my son’s high school. When he was in middle school, his IEP stated he had to have a bus because he is legally blind, but he can walk to his current school without ever having to cross a major street. I get a letter from the school system saying that because they can’t get a bus scheduled for him, they are going to give him a cab. I immediately call the cab company and tell them that he won’t need one. They say they’ll take him off the roster, but they suggest I call the Office of Pupil Transportation to ensure that he won’t have a cab sent. I call the office and tell them I want to remove him from the list for getting a bus or cab. They look up his name, ask for my name… and then tell me that I’m not on my son’s record, so they can’t do that.)

Me: “Who is listed on his record, then? Is he marked down as an orphan?”

Person: “I’m sorry, ma’am. You’re not on the record, so we can’t tell you that.”

(My son has been attending school in the same school system his entire life, he’s a sophomore in high school this year — for non-Americans, that’s ten years of school so far counting kindergarten, going into his eleventh — and as his mother, I’ve filled out all of his paperwork since the day I signed him up for kindergarten. How am I not on his record?)

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Better Start On Those One-Armed Pushups

, , , , , | Working | August 26, 2019

(My job is in a small wardrobe room for a business and I do the closing shift alone most nights. I recently had a minor surgery on my left arm and was told not to lift anything heavy with it for a few days to allow the incision to heal. My supervisor was informed of this ahead of time and I remind him of it, as well, when I come into work for the day.)

Me: “I can do the regular work; I just can’t lift any of the boxes or really heavy things for the next three days.”

Supervisor: “Okay, we’ll work around it.”

(Five minutes later.)

Supervisor: “Oh, they decided they want to repaint the room after we close tonight. Since you’re closing, I need you to move all the racks to the center of the room, and take all the things off the computer desks to the center table.”

(This includes several desktop computers, printers, and heavy heat presses. I point at my bandaged up arm.)

Supervisor: “Can’t you just lift them with one arm?”

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Not Even Google Can Find That

, , , , , , , , | Working | August 14, 2019

Female Coworker: “[My Name], my G-spot is missing.”

Me: “What?”

Female Coworker: “My G-spot, on the computer.”

(I walk over to her desk.)

Female Coworker: “It’s usually right there.”

Me: “What are you trying to find again?”

Female Coworker: “Oh, my God, my G-suite.”

(I show her how to bookmark it.)

Me: “Sorry, I can’t help you find that other thing.”

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The Customer Is Always Right: A Paradox

, , , , , | Right | July 19, 2019

(I’m in the checkout line. A guy in front of me is whining and reprimanding the cashier about how he never gets good customer service here. He has already paid, so he’s just wasting my time at this point. The cashier, a youngish female, is being sweet and patient with him, but she’s obviously agitated by him, and I’m getting annoyed.)

Customer: “I remember when the customer was always right.”

Me: “I’m a customer. You, sir, are an annoying douche. I’m a customer, so I’m always right.”

Customer: *looks at me* “I’m annoying?”

(I assume he’s asking me a question, although he could simply be confirming his agreement with my assessment.)

Me: *smile, shrug* “You betcha.”

Customer: “I bet you voted for Hillary Clinton!” *leaves*

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