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Not So Smooth-ie Sailing

, , , , , | Right | March 18, 2021

I worked for a long time at a specific smoothie place near campus. We had a lot of regulars who would make weird requests that didn’t really fit the recipes that we had to follow, but if they agreed to pay for an added charge, it was usually fine with my extremely benevolent manager.

Some people, though…

I’d been working there for almost two years almost daily when this extremely pregnant lady that I had never seen before in my life came in and ordered one of our seasonal smoothies which is made with dairy. She asked for almond milk, which is a normal request, so I put that in instead of dairy for no extra fee. However, when her ticket was printed, she freaked out and began screaming at me because she didn’t want the dairy gone; she wanted to replace all of the water with almond milk with no extra charge.

I’m pretty sure most people know that milk in general costs more than water and is thicker, so it would not only make the smoothie incapable of blending, but it would also cost the store like five bucks of almond milk, since that particular smoothie had thirty-two pumps of water in it, without readjusting for the thickness of almond milk.

I thought I’d misheard her.

Me: “Ma’am, we have water in all our smoothies; they won’t blend without it.”

This lady LEANS over the counter, gets RIGHT in my face, and quietly says, “Come here,” before SCREAMING at me.


First of all, b****, no. I am here every g**d*** day. I’ve NEVER seen you before in my LIFE. You’ve NEVER ordered that. Second of all, I’d leaned in close because I am hard of hearing and her screaming in my ear so close sent me reeling backward. I’m awful with confrontation, so my legs were shaking horribly, but I went to the owner in the back and asked if I could fulfill her request. He isn’t normally on premises and said yes just to get her to leave.

I began to make the smoothie the way the customer had asked. It didn’t blend. One of our several-thousand-dollar blenders broke and began smoking. We only had four in the shop to begin with, and it was the busiest day of the week. She kept screeching that we were doing it wrong and causing a scene until it finally blended with almost a half-gallon of almond milk in it. She spent like thirty minutes yelling at us that day.

The next day, she tried it again, and this time, my normally benevolent manager was in and had our backs. The customer was banned from asking for that smoothie again without paying for all the almond milk. She’s lucky we didn’t charge her for the blender.

Confusion Has Hit The Sunroof

, , , , | Right | February 25, 2021

Customer: “I’m here for my 2:00 pm appointment for an oil change.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. When you’re finished, your total will be $28.16.”

Customer: “Can I add a note?”

Me: “Of course.”

Customer: “Can you ask them not to put the windows down? They won’t go back up. I left the sunroof open for access.”

Me: “I apologize, but access to what?”

Customer: “Just don’t put my windows down.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but I’m not understanding the sunroof?”

Customer: *Grinning like I’m an idiot* “Thank you!”

Me: *Genuinely confused* “Ma’am, I understand not to put the windows down, but I don’t understand why we would need access through the sunroof. Is there an issue with the doors?”

Customer: *Same grin* “Thank you!” *Pauses* “Thank you!” *Pauses* “Thank you!”

Me: “All right, then.”

I then walk into the bay, because surely the tech knows something I don’t.

Tech: “She means that if we lock the keys in the car, we can get in through the sunroof, which ain’t happening, ‘cause I’m not climbing in through a sunroof.”

Me: “Why didn’t she just say that instead of acting like a dumba** about it?!”

Tech: *Shrugs*

They Should Brake Up

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2021

I work at a tire shop, where we also do a few other maintenance packages, such as brakes. I see an online appointment pop up for a wheel balance. The only thing listed on the appointment is just a balance; no rotate or any other comments listed. I accept it and wait for the customer to arrive.

Customer: “I’m here for my online appointment.”

Me: “Okay, I see you’re in for a balance.”

I ask a few general questions, such as why he believes his wheels are out of balance — any shaking at high speeds, shaking in the steering wheel, etc.

Customer: “I’ve got some shaking. I think a balance will fix it, so just the balance today.”

Me: “Yes, sir.”

My tech takes the wheels off to balance them but notices that the customer’s rear brakes are metal to metal. There is literally no pad left to them, which has also caused damage to the rotors.

Me: “So, we balanced out your tires, but your rear brakes and rotors are shot. There’s no pad left, and they’ve caused damage to the rotors, as well. At this point, we are recommending rear pads and rotors for this vehicle.”

Customer: “Oh, we’re getting ready to go on a road trip. I can’t afford to put brakes on at this time.”

Me: “That’s okay, but I would highly advise not using this vehicle for your trip, for safety reasons.”

Customer: “Okay.”

The customer pays for the balance and leaves. A few minutes go by and the customer returns with his wife.

Customer’s Wife: “Why didn’t you guys rotate my tires?!”

Me: “My apologies. I wasn’t made aware that you requested a rotation.”

I double-check the online appointment just to make sure.

Me: “No, ma’am, nothing was mentioned on the online booking that you requested a rotation, and your husband confirmed that we were just doing a wheel balance.”

Customer’s Wife: “I have a coupon!”

Me: “That’s fine, ma’am. If you hand me your keys, I will have my tech pull it back in and rotate the tires for you at no charge.”

Customer’s Wife: “Why didn’t you use my coupon?!”

Me: “I wasn’t aware you had a coupon; your husband never mentioned it. But no worries, we can go ahead and still do the rotate for you.”

Customer’s Wife: “This is unbelievable!”

She storms out. The husband and I stand there for a few moments.

Me: “So, you gonna tell her about the rear brakes, or would you like me to?”

They both left without a free rotate. The next day, they left two negative reviews for my store. Guess you just can’t please everyone.

The X-Files/Munsters Crossover

, , , , , , , | Right | October 9, 2020

I’m a pizza delivery driver on my way to a marina where the customer lives on their boat along with several others that are all docked there. My instructions state that I have to call the customer when I get there to be directed to their particular boat. It’s about 8:30 and night has fully set.

I am on the phone with the customer.

Me: “Hello, sir. I’ve arrived at the marina and am calling to find out which boat you’re at. I’m currently in front of the bar at the end of the dock.”

Customer: “All right, you’ll have to cross the railroad bridge to get to us.”

Me: “A… railroad bridge?”

Obviously, continuing down the dock wouldn’t lead to any kind of “railroad” bridge, so I ask the customer if he can direct me from the bar. At this time, a man exits the bar to smoke a cigarette.

Smoking Man: “Oh, hey, pizza. Who’s it for?”

Since people on the docks tend to all know each other, I show him the name on the ticket while speaking with the customer.

Customer: “Just go to the railroad bridge and cross it and I’ll be just past it.”

Me: “Sir, it’s dark out. I don’t see any kind of railroad bridge. Could you please tell me what direction I need to go from this bar on the edge of the dock?”

Smoking Man: “Railroad bridge? Sure you’re in the right place?”

The customer insists that there’s a bridge once more and hears the man next to me over the phone.

Customer: “Hey, is there someone else there?”

Me: “Yes, he seems to be just as confused as I am about where this bridge is supposed to be.”

Customer: “Hey. Ask him if he’s ‘Herman Munster.’”

About a minute passes of me trying to get the customer to get back on track so I can get his food to him, but he insists I ask the man next to me if he’s “Herman Munster,” a name I know belongs to an old TV show character.

Me: *Giving up* “They want me to ask if you’re Herman Munster.”

At this point, the Smoking Man and the customer laugh, and the customer hangs up. Figuring I’ve been conned into a prank order, I begin to leave.

Smoking Man: “So, do you know where to go now?”

Me: “No. They hung up on me just now, so it’s likely this was a prank. Just gotta take these pizzas back.”

Smoking Man: “Hang on a second. I’m sure some of the guys inside would want some pizza.”

He goes inside, and a woman is sent out to keep me company while he searches for money. I keep a look out for anyone that may be coming or signaling to me to bring them their pizzas. About five minutes pass and the man returns with $40 to pay the $27 bill and tells me to keep the change. After I’ve left and gone down the road, my phone rings and I answer.

Customer: “Hey, where are you at with our pizza?”

Me: *In disbelief* “Sir, I left. You laughed at my expense and hung up on me. I thought you were pulling a prank on me. And even if I turned around now, I found someone that wanted to buy those pizzas from me.”

Customer: *Angrily* “YOU SOLD OUR PIZZAS?! Why would you think we were pranking you?”

Me: “Sir, your directions made no sense, you insisted I ask a stranger if he was ‘Herman Munster,’ and you laughed at me and hung up. What part of that sounds like it would be a legitimate order?”

Customer: “My wife and I are very hungry. We want our food!”

Me: “Sir, if you’d like, you can call the store and replace the order and they’ll have no problem rushing it back out to you.”

The customer hangs up before I can finish. When I return to work, my manager wants to hear my side, apparently believing that I sold the pizzas to someone else IN FRONT OF THE CUSTOMER.

Me: “One, if they had seen me, they could have claimed their pizza. Two, they goofed off on the phone with me, laughed at me, and hung up on me. To me, that says they were screwing with me.”

My shift manager called the owner and explained to him what she was told by both the customer and myself. In the end, it turns out that our boss agreed with my decision, and since the customer was still getting their order remade at full price, there was really no harm done. There’s now a memo in the works outlining the protocol for such situations. I walked away with a $13 tip and was given a pat on the back for saving the store money, another driver made the delivery, and hopefully, the customer learned a valuable lesson in phone etiquette when speaking to a person that’s trying to give them something.

Jerry’s In Hiding

, , , , , | Right | September 24, 2020

I’m a receptionist at a day spa and salon. Answering phones is my main job. Here is a little lovely that I got.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Salon and Spa]; how may I help you?”


Me: “Excuse me?”


Me: “Ma’am?”


Me: “MA’AM!”


Me: “MA’AM! This is a hair salon.”

Caller: “This isn’t Jerry’s Automotive?”

Me: “No.”

Caller: *Click*