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Comes In Smooth, Soul, Or Swing

, , , , | Right | January 29, 2012

(I work at a well-known body care retail store.)

Customer: “Excuse me, I was looking for a lotion but I can’t find it.”

Me: “Sure! What was the name of the lotion?”

Customer: “I think it was ‘Jazz Man.'”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t sell anything by that name.”

Customer: “But the one in [nearby location] had it!”

Me: “Our store is part of a chain and none of our stores carry an item by that name.”

Customer: *stares at me in disbelief*

Me: *thinks for a moment* “Oh! We DO sell a jasmine scented lotion! Did you mean jasmine? Or jazz man?”

Customer: “I don’t know…”

Some Things Just Don’t Add Up

, , , , , | Learning | October 27, 2011

(I work in the testing center for a community college. We administer placement exams and make-up exams, among other things. This particular student is taking his placement exam.)

Me: “Okay, sir, I have you set up on that computer over there.” *points to computer* “Just finish filling in your personal information and the test will begin.”

Student: “Okay, thanks.”

(About forty-five minutes go by as the student goes through the exam. I then see him raise his hand, so I stand up and walk over to his computer.)

Me: “Is there something wrong?”

Student: “Yeah, it’s telling me that I’m about to start the arithmetic test.”

Me: “Yes, that is part of the placement exam.”

Student: “But I’m supposed to be taking a math test, not an arithmetic test!”

Data Sent Packeting

, , , | Right | June 27, 2011

Student: “Hi, my computer has been acting up recently. I keep getting this blue screen.”

Me: “Sure, let me take a look.”

(I perform some simple diagnostics and determine that the hard drive is bad. It will die pretty soon.)

Me: “Looks like your hard drive is failing. Since you didn’t buy your computer through the school, we can’t fix it. I would suggest calling the manufacturer. Also, make sure you back up your data as soon as possible. There is no telling when it will die. There’s no way of retrieving the information later if it’s dead.”

Student: “Do you sell external hard drives here?”

Me: “No, but you can get one from these stores.”

(I hand the student a list of stores. Three months later, the student comes back to the help desk.)

Student: “Hi, so my computer turns on but the screen is blank.”

Me: “Looks like your hard drive is dead. You’ll have to replace it.”

Student: “So, can you get my data off the drive?”

Me: “No, we can’t. Did you back up your files?”

Student: “Oh, no I didn’t. I actually remember you telling me to get a back up drive a few months ago. So, can you get my files off the drive?”

Me: “The drive is dead, there’s nothing I can do.”

Student: “So, there’s no way of getting my files now? I can get my friend’s external drive and you could use that.”

Me: “That’s not how it works.”

Student: “Oh. I figured I could just wait until it died.”


This story is part of the Customers Suffering The Consequences Of Their Own Actions roundup!

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So Pho, So Crazy, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | January 5, 2011

Me: “Hello, ma’am, how can I help you today?”

Customer: “Sorry, I was just curious. What ethnicity are you?”

Me: “Oh, I’m Vietnamese.”

Customer: “What’s that?”

Me: “You know, from Vietnam?”

*blank stare*

Me: “…like the Vietnam War?”

Customer: “Oh! You were in that?”

Can’t Keep A Good Waitress Down

, , , , , , | Right | December 3, 2010

(I am working as a bartender at a restaurant. The waitress has added a 15% gratuity because the party has been large and difficult to deal with.)

Customer: “Miss? What’s this ‘gravity’ crap?! I ain’t paying for no ‘gravity’!”

Waitress: *without missing a beat* “Ma’am, that’s what holds the food to your plate.”

Customer: “Oh, all right, then.” *pays the check*