(My then-boyfriend and I are at ‘Otakon’ in Baltimore. We have just run into a Jareth cosplayer, the Goblin King character from the film ‘Labyrinth’, played by David Bowie. I am a huge fan.)

Me: “Oh, my, God! Jareth!”

(I start ‘fan-girling’ over the amazing costume with the Cosplayer, who is playing up the costume really well.)

Boyfriend: “I remember the end. Sarah was stupid not to acccept his offer.”

Me: “Don’t ruin it by reminding me that the Goblin King didn’t get his Queen.”

(He suddenly gets down on one knee and takes my hand.)

Boyfriend: “I ask for so little. Just let me rule you and you can have everything that you want.”

Me: *stunned* “Oh, God.”

Boyfriend: *pulls out ring* “Just fear me. Love me. Do as I say and I will be your slave.”

Me: *grinning like an idiot* “Yes. Yes! YES!”

(I grab him in a stranglehold of a hug.)

Me: “How many times did you watch that movie to remember that line?”

Boyfriend: *putting the ring on my finger* “Don’t ask, but I knew that you’d only say yes if I did something unique.”

Jareth Cosplayer: “Well played.”

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(I’m clearing off the outdoor patio because we’ve stopped seating and our kitchen is closed. Three customers sit down at a table.)

Me: “I’m sorry guys, but the outdoor seating is closed. Our kitchen and the dinning room are closed too, but the bar will be open till two.”

Customers: *inaudible grumbling*

Me: “Sorry, folks. ”

(I clean off a few more tables. As I’m walking back inside, one of the men at the table stops me.)

Customer: “I know you’re closed and all, but I’m just saying we were sat out here by a host. Maybe you guys should get your s*** together!”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir? A host sat you without menus or silverware?”

Customer: “Yes!”

Me: “Do you know her name or what she looked like, sir? I’d like to talk to her.”

Customer: *stumbling for words* “I don’t know… she—”

Me: “…Especially since the last host was cut over an hour ago, and I’m the only server still on the floor. I must say I’m VERY curious who sat you.”

Customer: “Well… F*** YOU!” *leaves with his friends*

Me: “Have a nice night, guys!”

(I’ve transferred from a store in the city where I went to college to a store in my home town after moving back. It’s my first day.)

Coworker: “So, you’re new?”

Me: “I’m new to this store, but I’m a transfer from Burlington, Vermont.”

Coworker: “Where’s that?”

Me: “Vermont.”

Coworker: *blank look*

Me: “Vermont… it’s a state.”

Coworker: “Oh. Never heard of it.”

(Later, I discover that several of my other colleagues also have never heard of Vermont. My manager asks me about my day and I tell him about this.)

Me: “I tried to explain what store I was from, but a few of the other associates have never heard of Vermont. It’s only ten hours away from here.”

Manager: “Oh, well… they are still in college.”

Me: “That’s fifth grade geography.”

Manager: *blank look*

Customer: “Excuse me, can you tell me how this converter works?”

Me: “Let me see. It looks like you put your old photo negatives into it and it converts them to digital images.”

Customer: “So, it doesn’t make them Christians?”

Me: “Uh… what? Who?”

Customer: “It says it’s a “converter”. So, does it make the people in the pictures turn from devil worshippers into Christians?”

Me: *stunned* “No… No, it doesn’t do anything like that. It takes old negative strips from film cameras and converts them into digital images.”

Customer: “So, it won’t make them Christian?”

Me: “Nope.”

Customer: “What a useless piece of crap that is, then!”

(When I ring out customers with small items or a few things, I ask if they want a plastic bag in the interest of not wasting one on something small.)

Me: “And did you want a bag for your pen, sir?”

Customer: “No, thanks. I just want the receipt. Save the trees.”

Me: *Looks questioningly at the plastic bag.*

Customer: “Whatever. Something about dolphins and the Amazon…” *walks out*