Not Always King or A Royal Pain In The A**    

| Wilrijk, Belgium | Right | November 29, 2016

(The dutch equivalent of “the customer is always right” is the equally annoying “customer is king.” I’m shopping food with my girlfriend when this short but sweet exchange takes place.)

Angry Old Lady: “Customer is king.”

Girlfriend: *makes proper bow* “Welcome to democracy, your highness.”

(She shut up after that.)

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Creating A Sore Spot

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | November 29, 2016

(I work at a bakery located within a small shopping center. I have just finished cleaning the outside glass of the cabinets where all of the sweet and savoury food is kept during the day.)

Customer: *comes up behind me, licks his finger, and wipes it on the glass*

Customer: “You missed a spot.” *walks off*

Me: *too stunned to speak*

Sergeant Pepper’s Lonely Murder Club

| GA, USA|FL, USA | Working | November 7, 2016

(I’m working in a supermarket bakery that’s attached to a deli. Even though we’re considered separate departments, the bakery often helps the deli with simple counter customer service like slicing meats and cheeses, or making sandwiches when needed. I’m currently serving one of my favourite regular customers, an older guy who’s a police officer and always comes by at the end of his shift for sandwiches to take home for himself and his wife to have for lunch. I’m mildly complaining about our monthly department inventory while I make his sandwiches.)

Me: “It wouldn’t be so bad if the equipment was more reliable. [Manager] has been here since four am and she’s going to be late getting out because the tag scanner they gave her malfunctioned, so she has to start all over.”

Officer: “Oh, I would hate that. You think that’s bad, try inventorying a police department. Every. Single. Bullet. It’s not so bad because with everyone doing it, it gets done quicker, but it’s very tedious.”

Me: “Ugh, that’s awful. Do you have to inventory evidence, too?”

Officer: “Well, not me, but yeah, that needs to be closely inventoried regularly.”

Me: *obviously joking* “Hmm, well, if anything really cool comes in, like a spare head or crowbar, can you hook me up?”

Officer: *nodding and grinning* “Obviously!”

(At this point, I notice one of our younger employees looking at me in shock, clearly not realizing we’re just joking around.)

Me: “What?! [Officer] and I have an understanding. I give him extra peppers on his sandwiches, he hooks me up with cool crime swag and doesn’t ask too many questions about why my back yard is so bumpy and my GPS shows me on so many long, deserted roads in the middle of the night.”

Officer: *nods, acting serious, and taps the side of his nose conspiratorially with a wink*

The Worst Cookies In London

| Nashville, TN, USA | Right | October 31, 2016

(It’s the Sunday before Halloween. As our store hours are shorter on Sundays, the store owners have allowed all the employees to dress up in costume and play PG movies on the television in the dining area. My best friend and I are dressed up as Sarah Williams and Jareth the Goblin King from the 1986 film Labyrinth. About twenty minutes into the film, I’m approached by a customer and her friend. She glances at the movie, sizes up my Jareth costume, and immediately breaks out into song:)

Customer: “You remind me of the babe!”

Me: *elated* “What babe?”

Customer: “The babe with the power!”

Me: “What power?”

Customer: “The power of Voodoo!”

Me: “Who do?”

Customer: “You do!”

Me: “Do what?”

Customer: “Remind me of the babe!”

Me: *laughing* “That just made my day! You’re definitely my favorite customer! Would you like a free cookie?”

Customer: *still smiling* “Chocolate chip, please!”

Customer’s Friend: “I don’t get it…”

Coworker: “It’s from the movie we have playing.” *she gestures at the TV*

Customer’s Friend: *pointing at our coworker in the back, who works in production* “Is she from the movie, too…?”

Me: “No, she’s dressed up as Mrs. Lovette from ‘Sweeney Todd’.”

Customer: *chuckles* “I hope she didn’t bake my cookie…”

Customer’s Friend: *still confused* “Who…?”

Me: “She… bakes people into pies.”

Customer’s Friend: *horrified* “And you’re letting her work in the BACK?!”

A Soup Recoup

| NY, USA | Right | October 26, 2016

(We used to serve 12 and 16 ounce soups. We switched over to just 16 ounce soups. Due to a mix up with inventory we had two different bowls, both exactly 16 ounces. One happened to be wide and short and the other narrow and tall.)

Customer: “May I have a 12 ounce soup, please.”

Me: “We now only have 16 ounce soups, is that okay?”

Customer: “Sure.”

(I go ahead and grab a bowl that Is closest to me, fill it up, and bring it over to the tray for the lady.)

Customer: “Can I have the other bowl? It holds more soup.”

Me: “Both our bowls are exactly 16 ounces; the other bowl is just shaped differently.”

Customer: “No, I always have leftover from the other bowl because it’s bigger. This one is smaller and I get less soup.”

(I go over and fill the other bowl with tap water to the top and pour it into the bowl I used for her soup in front of her; the water is filled exactly to the top, no more or less than the other bowl.)

Me: “They’re both 16 ounces. We have two cups right now because of an inventory issue.”

Customer: “But I would rather have the other bowl. It holds more because I always have left over and it’s bigger.”

(I went over and poured her soup into the other bowl, put a lid on it, and put it back on her tray for her. She paid and walked off happily.)

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