The Cookies Aren’t The Only Things That Are Baked

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Right | April 13, 2016

(I work at a bakery that sells mainly cupcakes, as well as some cookies. A young male customer smelling strongly of marijuana walks in.)

Customer: “Oh, man, cookies!”

Me: “Yep, cupcakes, too!”

(The man walks around looking at the cookies.)

Customer: “So, where are the chocolate chip cookies?”

Me: “Oh, we actually don’t have any. The closest we’re selling right now is oatmeal raisin chocolate chip.”

Customer: “I thought you had chocolate chip!”

Me: “Well, some of the stock changes seasonally, but we don’t usually do chocolate chip.”

(The man wanders around, apparently still looking for the chocolate chip.)

Customer: “What time do you close tonight?”

Me: “We’re open until 10 pm.”

Customer: “You’ll definitely have chocolate chip by then! Right?”

Has A Choco-Lot To Choose From

| Chicago, IL, USA | Working | April 12, 2016

(I am in line to purchase a slice of cheesecake at the shop. Their case has about 30 different flavors of cheesecake to choose from. I decide on a yummy chocolate raspberry cheesecake and step up to the register.)

Me: “Hi… I would like a choco—”

Clerk: *looking annoyed and loudly drowning out the rest of my sentence* “Chocolate marshmallow, dark chocolate, chocolate raspberry, chocolate coconut, or German chocolate?”

Me: “You’d already know the answer if you’d bothered to let me finish my sentence.”

I Want The Most Crappy Cake You Have

| Seattle, WA, USA | Right | March 13, 2016

(A customer is looking to buy a five-inch round cake for a birthday party, but after discussing how many people will be there, decides to get a half sheet instead. The bakery uses marzipan to make novelty and adult sculptures to put atop cakes. This particular half sheet has a stylized sculpture of a pile of poop on top of it, which he thought would get more laughs than our other selection.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I hadn’t really thought about how many guests there would be, but I’m sure everyone will get a kick out of this one!”

Me: “Glad to hear it! Now, that size of cake can be a bit heavy. Would you like help out to your car?”

Customer: “No worries. I have it!”

(He starts sliding the cake box off the counter.)

Customer: “Just gotta get my ke—”

(His supporting hand moves out from under the cake to his pocket and he pushes the entire cake off the counter, it somehow staying in its box.)

Me: “Oh…”

Customer: “Well… s***.”

(We ended up just slapping some extra icing on top and writing “for s***s and giggles” on it, as if that was the plan all along.)

Grain Brain Drain

| MB, Canada | Right | February 23, 2016

(I work at a small bakery and am often left alone in the shop while the owner goes out to get ingredients. Note: I’m the youngest one working here and often have my opinion undermined by customers. I also sound quite young on the phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Business].”

Customer: *in a very nasal voice* “Hi, I was wondering what kind of breads you have today?”

Me: “Okay, today we have the [Bread], which is our bread of the day today. Besides that we have—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I want the one, what was it, something grain.”

Me: “Well, we have the multigrain bre—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No, that’s not it. I want the grainy one.” *sighs obviously annoyed* “I’ll just come in.”

(She comes in later that day when the owner is back. Our voices are very different so she would know which one was on the phone.)

Owner: “Good morning, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want the grainy one.”

Owner: “Well, I guess that would be our multigrain bread over here.”

Customer:Thaaat’s the one. I’ll take two.”

Cleans Up One Mess And Causes Another

| KS, USA | Working | February 16, 2016

(It’s my first day working with my coworker at a retail store’s bakery. She’s notorious for being temperamental and throwing tantrums about ridiculous things. Today, she is baking and I’m stocking all the items on the bakery floor. We each have an L-cart for our respective tasks, and since I know she won’t be using hers for several hours at least, I borrow it to put my broken down boxes on with the intention of taking them to the baker before she starts using hers. I have disappeared into the freezer to load up my own cart with items to stock. I come out just in time to see her returning to the bakery with a third L-cart. Naturally, this is a little weird to me.)

Me: “I brought this cart for you, you know?” *motions to cart with boxes on it*

Coworker: *gruffly* “You put your boxes on it, so it’s not mine anymore.”

Me: “If it’s that important, I’ll put them on the floor. I just wanted to keep it from getting messy.”

Coworker: “Whatever. It’s FINE.”

(She storms off and I am standing there flabbergasted at the 20-year-old child I am officially working with.)

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