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Self-Rising Expectations

, , , | Right | December 22, 2008

Customer #1: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, every day.”

Customer #1: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

Customer #1: “So, you’re cheaters, then?!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

Customer #1: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”


This story is part of our Bread roundup!

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Chippendales, The Golden Years

, , , , , | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

Why Don’t You And I Make It A Baker’s Dozen

, , , , | Right | June 7, 2008

Me: “Hello, [Bakery]. [My Name] speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, you sound tired.”

Me: “Um… yes? How may I help you?”

Customer: “Rough night last night? I heard you were busy.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Partying worn you out, huh? Well, hopefully, you aren’t too worn out when you come home if you know what I mean.”

Me: “Sir, this is [Bakery]. I believe you’ve dialed the wrong number.”

Customer: “Well, s***.”

Me: “…yes.”

Customer: “Do YOU want to come over later?”

Me: “No.” *click*


This story is part of the Peculiar Customers roundup!

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Fat, Dumb Fingers

, , | Right | April 22, 2008

(I was sitting at home watching TV. My phone number ends with, let’s say, -1269. The phone number for the bakery ends with -1296. I am constantly getting called by people who think I’m that bakery.)

Me: “Hello?”

Dude: “I need the bakery.”

Me: “I think you have the wrong number.”

Dude: “Oh, sorry.”

(He hangs up. Brief pause. Phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Same Dude: “Can I get the bakery?”

Me: “You have the wrong number.”

(Dude hangs up. Phone rings.)

Me: “Hello?”

Same Dude: “I need the bakery.”

Me: “I think you should check the number… I don’t have a bakery department.”

Same Dude: “Well, you did this morning!”

Me: “I meant I’m not [bakery]. I’m just a person sitting at home.”

(Dude hangs up. Phone rings AGAIN. I glance skeptically at it and finally go over. I don’t say anything.)

Same Dude: “Hello?”

Me: *click*

(He called eight more times that evening. Eventually, I just told him we were closed.)

Not So Sweet Toothed

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2008

(The bakery has just closed. I just clocked out, and am on my way out of the store.)

Lady: “Excuse me, could you decorate this cake for me?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. My shift is over, and the bakery is closed.”

Lady: “But I need it done for tomorrow! If you don’t do it, I’ll call your manager!”

Me: “Ma’am, what do you do for a living?”

Lady: “I’m a dentist.”

Me: “Would you like to look at my teeth after your shift ends, for free?”

Lady: “That’s different. My job is hard. Anyone could do your job.”

Me: “Then you won’t mind taking that cake home and decorating it yourself.”