Ah, Love/Hate Relationships

| Right | April 30, 2009

(A woman and her boyfriend walk into the store and up to the cake showcase.)

Me: “Is there anything I can help you with?”

Customer: “Yeah, I need a cake for my sister’s birthday. I want that one…” *points to the cake of her choice*

Me: “Would you like me to write anything on it?”

Customer: “Yeah, put ‘Happy Birthday, [Sister’s Name]’. No, wait… make that, ‘Happy Birthday, Slut’.”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Do you think you should put that on her birthday cake?”

Customer: “Yeah, why not? She a slut!”

Customer’s Boyfriend: “Yeah, you right.”

Customer: *motions to me* “Go on, write that!”

(I go into the back to write “Happy Birthday, Slut,” and bring the cake back out.)

Customer: “Oh, that’s perfect! Thank you!”

Me: “… have a nice day, ma’am.”

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Baked Goods For A Baked Customer

, , | Right | April 10, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, do you sell baked chicken here?”

Me: “Sorry, ma’am, this is a bakery. There is a deli a block down the road.”

Customer: “Exactly, this is a bakery. You should have the baked chicken I need.”

Me: “No, we sell baked goods here, like bread and cake. The deli is just a block away down [street].”

Customer: “You sell BAKED goods at the BAKERY and I want BAKED chicken.”

Me: *tries something different* “Umm… we’re sold out.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I guess I’ll go to the deli down the road then.”

Me: “…”

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Right Next To The Yeast Pie

, , , | Right | April 1, 2009

Customer: “Where are the bread donuts?”

Boss: “Um, sorry, sir? All our donuts are a yeast base.”

Customer: “No, no, bread donuts! YOU DON’T EVEN KNOW YOUR OWN BAKING! BREAD DONUTS!”

Boss: “I’m not sure what you mean. I’m sorry, sir.”

(The customer storms off grumbling to himself and makes it about 10 feet.)

Customer: “Oh! Here they are.”

Boss: “Sir, those are bagels.”

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Deceptive Desserts

, , , , | Right | March 16, 2009

Customer: “Excuse me, but I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, sure. What’s the matter?”

Customer: “I heard a group of teenagers over there talking, and they said the cake that you serve is a lie.”

Me: “…”

Customer: “What exactly do you have to say for yourselves?! I come in here, expecting to find a decent establishment, only to find out you are selling fake food!”

Me: “Um, ma’am. They were repeating a popular phrase from the internet. I can assure you, the cake that we sell very much exists.”

Customer: “Prove it! Show me this cake.”

Me: *points*

Customer: “Oh. In that case, you should write a letter to the internet about how they’re making up rumors about your products.”

Me: “I’ll… I’ll do that. Thank you.”

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Self-Rising Expectations

, , , | Right | December 22, 2008

Customer #1: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

Me: “Yes, sir, every day.”

Customer #1: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

Customer #1: “So, you’re cheaters, then?!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

Customer #1: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”


This story is part of our Bread roundup!

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