Loathe Of Bread

, , , , | Right | October 15, 2010

(I work at a bakery that cuts bread with a machine.)

Me: “Okay, sir, would you like me to cut your bread for you?”

Customer: “How?”

Me: “This machine here will cut it.”

Customer: “You use a machine rather than cutting it by hand?!”

Me: “Yes, sir, it is quicker and gets the job done well.”

Customer: *at this point he is getting furious* “This is outrageous! You use a machine to do a man’s job! You are putting people out of their jobs! You are ruining the natural process of man and the cutting of bread.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, I didn’t realize. Would you like me to cut your bread by hand?”

Customer: “No, use the machine! I’m in a big rush to get to my sister’s place. It’s her birthday, you know.”


This story is part of our Ironic Customer roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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Gluten-Free Is Not A Cure For Gluttony

, , , | Right | September 8, 2010

(I work in a bakery where all the products are gluten-free.)

Customer: “Excuse me, what are these things that look like chocolate chip cookies?”

Me: “They’re chocolate chip cookies, sir.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. And what are these things that look like éclairs?”

Me: “They’re éclairs.”

Customer: “And these things that look like fruit tarts?”

Me: “They’re fruit tarts.”

(Pause.)

Customer: “So what the h*** does ‘gluten-free’ mean?”


This story is part of our Celiac Awareness Day roundup!

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Without A Cake The Birthday Boy Will Be In Tiers

, , , , | Right | August 15, 2010

Me: “Oh, hi. Welcome to [Bakery]. What can I do for you today?”

Customer: “I’d like to order a three-tiered cake for my son’s birthday party.”

Me: “Sure, no problem. We have a design book on that table behind you where you could look at some possible designs.”

Customer: “Okay. How long would it take you to make the cake?”

Me: “Well, it depends. If you get a simple design you might be able to pick it up by tomorrow afternoon, but if you get a more complicated design it may take three to four days.”

Customer: “Oh. That’s not gonna work for me.”

Me: “Why? What’s the problem?”

(The customer’s son runs inside the bakery.)

Customer’s Son: “Dad, come on! The party starts in an hour!”

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Short Cake, Tall Order

, , , , | Right | July 17, 2010

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “Good afternoon, ma’am. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I’d like a cake made. Can you make a cake in about twenty minutes?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we have no available decorators at this time. I can certainly take an order for tomorrow morning, however.”

Customer: “No! That’s unacceptable! I refuse to be treated differently just because I’m Jewish!”

Me: “I’m also a Jew, but the issue is that I don’t have the proper training to make a cake for you at this time. I can place an order for you but can do little more than that.”

Customer: “No, forget it. I refuse to be discriminated like this! I’m leaving!”

Me: “Have a nice day, and happy Hanukkah!”

Customer: “What the h*** is Hanukkah?!”

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Should Have Gone For (M)Academia

, , , | Right | July 15, 2010

Customer: “What’s in the White Chocolate Macadamia cookie?”

Me: “White chocolate and macadamias.”

Customer: “Oh, duh. That was a stupid question.”

Me: “It’s okay, people ask me all the time what kind of nuts are in the ‘Chocolate Almond Joy’.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah, haha! Walnuts!”


This story is part of our Stupid Eaters roundup! This is the last story in the roundup, but we have plenty of others you might enjoy!

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