Turning Jesus Into A Complaint

| FL, USA | Right | January 31, 2017

(I work as a cake decorator in a supermarket bakery. We receive pre-made frozen cakes to put out. These are usually more expensive, but arguably more decadent… covered in caramel and cookie crumbles, etc. When an item hits its sell-by date we mark it down to half price. A woman comes up to me carrying a large, expensive, pre-made carrot cake that’s been marked down. It’s covered in chopped nuts, mounds of cream-cheese icing, and tons of little icing carrot decorations. Getting one of these on markdown is a very good deal, both in terms of quality, and the fact that they’re big enough to feed 20 people or more.)

Customer: “I need something written on top of this. It’s for a church. I need you to write, ‘Celebrate Jesus, He is Risen, He is the Way’ on top.”

Me: “Okay! I’ll do what I can. We don’t typically write on these cakes because there is so little space with all the decorations.”

Customer: *looking affronted, even though this is policy* “Well, you can just move them around, can’t you?”

(Normally, I would say no since it’s not worth my time as an employee to do something so fiddly when I have so much other work to be done, which again is company policy unless a customer really presses it. But this happens to be the last half hour of my shift, and I’m already done cleaning and just helping the other staff assist customers. And hey, I actually DO enjoy my job and a challenge.)

Me: “If you don’t mind waiting, then yes, I will do what I can for you.”

(I break out my tools and some wax paper and begin to carefully lift off the little icing carrots all over the top, which she very sharply informs me she wants in a separate little plastic container for herself. I scrape and smooth off the little bits of coloured icing that remain, rearrange the large swirls of icing, carefully push back the border of chopped nuts, and smooth it all down so it looks freshly iced. Through it all she stares me down, and at one point asks if her watching me makes me nervous, and looks disappointed when I say no.)

Customer: “I suppose you need me to spell ‘Jesus’ for you?”

Me: “I think I can handle that one, but thank you, ma’am.”

(Again, she looks disappointed, and watches almost angrily as I carefully write on the cake. Her attitude perplexes me more than anything else, but I can tell she’s trying to make me screw up or catch me doing so in order to get a bigger discount, since customers are rarely content with what they’ve got.)

Customer: “Well… I guess this will do.”

(She snatches the cake when I put the top back on, and storms off with her little container of icing carrots, not so much as a thank you. My coworker comes over and comments how impressed she is that I kept my cool. I go upstairs to finish up some paperwork for the next week’s sales before I leave, and a few minutes later, my coworker sticks her head into the room.)

Coworker: “That woman is back! She says you misspelled Jesus and she wants a discount!”

(I have no idea what expression I made, but my coworker immediately started laughing and said she’s just joking and ran off. I later found out she wasn’t kidding, but thought I looked so shocked and angry she decided to deal with it herself and went to the store manager instead. I had not, as it turned out, misspelled Jesus, and the woman’s scheme for a greater discount probably would have worked had she not accounted for everyone being able to see and read that for themselves when she showed the cake off to management. That, or maybe I should have been the one to spell it out for her.)

They Are Bali Listening

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Right | January 20, 2017

(I am in the bakery to buy bread when I overhear an argument. It’s clear that this customer is a regular, since the bakers have a bit of a laugh with him.)

Customer: “Where were you last week?”

Baker: “I was in Bali.”

Customer: “What? Why were you there?”

Baker: “Uh… for a holiday?”

Customer: “But why go on holiday?”

Baker: “Because… I wanted to? And it was nice there?”

(The customer goes on and on about Bali being a horrible place, so I decide to pitch in.)

Me: “What’s wrong with Bali? It’s a beautiful place.”

Customer: “Never been. Don’t want to go. I’m allergic to Bali.”

A Raggedy Sale

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Working | January 19, 2017

(I’m working at the pie table and have a bag of cleaning rags under the table. Every now and then someone comes and ‘steals’ towels out of my bag so I decide to have some fun with the next one.)

Me: “Just to let you know, those are a dollar apiece.”

Coworker: “Okay. Put it on my tab! I’ll pay you Friday.”

(Comes back a few minutes later.)

Coworker: “I need a few more. Is there a discount if I buy in bulk?”

Me: “Yes. They’re still one for $1 or five for $5.”

Coworker: *thinks for a moment* “That’s a terrible sale! I’m never shopping here again and going somewhere that has better deals.”

(By this point I’m laughing too hard to respond.)

Not Exactly Showered With Compliments

| San Antonio, TX, USA | Working | January 17, 2017

(It’s the end of the day and we’re cleaning the floors. The manager accidentally splashes me with the soapy water he’s squeegeeing.)

Me: “Hey, I already took my shower for this month! I don’t need another!”

Manager: *without missing a beat* “Yeah, but the difference is this one has soap!”

It Doesn’t Matter As Long As It Matters

| Chicago, IL, USA | Right | January 5, 2017

(Our chocolate and vanilla cupcakes have a lot of variation in decoration from icing color to type of sprinkle. Some version of this conversation happens several times a day.)

Me: “Do you have a decoration preference?”

Customer: “Oh, it doesn’t matter.” *as I reach for the nearest cupcake* “Oh, no, I wanted the blue one!”

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