(The bakery’s answering machine has a pretty standard message; it says to leave your name and number and why you’re calling. One day while the boss is listening to messages, she just starts CACKLING and insists that everyone listen.)

Old Woman: *complaining about something, I don’t remember what* “Also! I think it’s extremely rude to ask for my phone number! I refuse to give my personal number!” *click*

Boss: “So, all that means for her is that we can’t call her back.”

(We kept that message for more than a year and listened to it whenever we were having a rough day.)

Customer: “I’m looking for wheat-free bread.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, our gluten-free bread is over here.”

Customer: “Well, gluten-free is fine, but I specifically need wheat-free.”

(I explained to the customer what gluten is, all while thinking, “You have no idea what you’re doing, do you?”)

(I am a cashier at a small cafe bakery, which has no line at the moment. A customer rushes in, phone in hand, and points at an online ad for our free bagel promotion.)

Customer: “Is this legit?!”

Me: “Yes, if you use [Rewards Card].”

(The customer fumbles for his wallet, pulling out his rewards card and handing it to me.)

Me: *swipes card* “Okay, you are eligible for the free bagel. Which bagel would you like?”

(He orders his bagel, and, since it is free, he doesn’t have to pay.)

Customer: “Is that it?!”

Me: “Yup, it’s a free bagel!”

Customer: “Aww, yeah!”

(He took his bagel and walked out, beaming with joy. I never knew anyone could be so happy about a bagel.)

(I work in the bakery department at a grocery store. One of our more popular items is the pistachio muffin, which is bright green, and comes in a package that says, “Pistachio,” on it in two different places and even has a picture of a pistachio on it. I have just clocked in and gotten into my department when this exchange occurs.)

Customer: “Excuse me, ma’am, but what are those bright green muffins you have out there?”

Me: “Those are our pistachio muffins, ma’am. They are very popular!”

Customer: “Hmm, they do sound good, but do they have nuts in them?”

Me: “Pistachios are nuts, ma’am.”

(The customer stares at me like I don’t know what I’m talking about, and then I can see the realization of what just happened dawn on her.)

Customer: “Oh, my God.”

Me: “It’s okay, ma’am, happens all the time.”

Customer: “No… I can’t believe I asked that. I can never show my face here again.”

(The customer then drops her basket and bolts out the front door.)

Me: *to my coworker* “So… it’s going to be one of those days.”

(I work at a bakery in a large retail store.)

Customer: “What flavor cupcakes do you have?”

(All of our baked goods come in frozen.)

Me: “White or chocolate.”

Customer: “Do you have marble?”

Me: “No. We have white or chocolate. You can do half-and-half if you like.”

Customer: “So… you don’t have marble?”

Me: “No. We have white or chocolate.”

Customer: “Do you have strawberry?”

Me: “White or chocolate.”

Customer: “Do you have spice cake?”

Me: “We offer white or chocolate cupcakes.”

Customer: “So… no marble, then?”

(This went on for a few more minutes. I did eventually take the order, but, seriously?)