The Cookies Aren’t The Only Things That Are Baked

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a bakery that sells mainly cupcakes, as well as some cookies. A young male customer smelling strongly of marijuana walks in.)

Customer: “Oh, man, cookies!”

Me: “Yep, cupcakes, too!”

(The man walks around looking at the cookies.)

Customer: “So, where are the chocolate chip cookies?”

Me: “Oh, we actually don’t have any. The closest we’re selling right now is oatmeal raisin chocolate chip.”

Customer: “I thought you had chocolate chip!”

Me: “Well, some of the stock changes seasonally, but we don’t usually do chocolate chip.”

(The man wanders around, apparently still looking for the chocolate chip.)

Customer: “What time do you close tonight?”

Me: “We’re open until 10 pm.”

Customer: “You’ll definitely have chocolate chip by then! Right?”

I Want The Most Crappy Cake You Have

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(A customer is looking to buy a five-inch round cake for a birthday party, but after discussing how many people will be there, decides to get a half sheet instead. The bakery uses marzipan to make novelty and adult sculptures to put atop cakes. This particular half sheet has a stylized sculpture of a pile of poop on top of it, which he thought would get more laughs than our other selection.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I hadn’t really thought about how many guests there would be, but I’m sure everyone will get a kick out of this one!”

Me: “Glad to hear it! Now, that size of cake can be a bit heavy. Would you like help out to your car?”

Customer: “No worries. I have it!”

(He starts sliding the cake box off the counter.)

Customer: “Just gotta get my ke—”

(His supporting hand moves out from under the cake to his pocket and he pushes the entire cake off the counter, it somehow staying in its box.)

Me: “Oh…”

Customer: “Well… s***.”

(We ended up just slapping some extra icing on top and writing “for s***s and giggles” on it, as if that was the plan all along.)

Grain Brain Drain

| MB, Canada | Food & Drink

(I work at a small bakery and am often left alone in the shop while the owner goes out to get ingredients. Note: I’m the youngest one working here and often have my opinion undermined by customers. I also sound quite young on the phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Business].”

Customer: *in a very nasal voice* “Hi, I was wondering what kind of breads you have today?”

Me: “Okay, today we have the [Bread], which is our bread of the day today. Besides that we have—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I want the one, what was it, something grain.”

Me: “Well, we have the multigrain bre—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No, that’s not it. I want the grainy one.” *sighs obviously annoyed* “I’ll just come in.”

(She comes in later that day when the owner is back. Our voices are very different so she would know which one was on the phone.)

Owner: “Good morning, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want the grainy one.”

Owner: “Well, I guess that would be our multigrain bread over here.”

Customer:Thaaat’s the one. I’ll take two.”

I’m Guessing He’s Not A Breadwinner

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “What’s that white stuff on top of your bread?”

Me: “Oh, that’s flour.”

Customer: “Is that edible?”

Throw In An Extra Humble Pie

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am at a bakery getting dessert for Thanksgiving. I overhear a man and a worker talking about his order.)

Man: “My wife called three weeks ago and ordered food and called today to make sure it was ready, and you people don’t have it! It’s under John and Liz! I can’t believe you god**** people!”

Worker: “I’m looking for pies under the name John and Liz but I’m not finding anything. I’m sorry but your wife must have called somewhere else.”

Man: “No! We always get dessert here and my wife didn’t call another place!”

(This goes on for what feels like hours. I decide to get some treats for myself because hearing this guy is making my head spin!)

Man: “Two pecan pies under John and Liz! Why can’t you people get it right!? My wife called TODAY and you people said it was ready!”

Worker: “Are you sure it’s not under any other name?”

Man: “I’m positive! Are you calling me a liar?!”

Worker: “Of course not, sir. I found one ready box with pecan pies and they are the only ones ready but the name isn’t John and Liz.”

Man: “Well, what’s the name then god-d***-it!?”

Worker: “Johnson.”

(The man goes white for a second while another worker is preparing my treats.)

Man: “U-uh, yes, that’s my last name.”

(He throws money on the table and runs away while the other worker gives me my food and receipt.)

Me: “Oh, it says that you didn’t put the treats on here.”

Worker #2: “It’s on the house after listening to that for 10-20 minutes!”

Page 5/22First...34567...Last