The Water’s Free And Somewhat Lucrative

, , , , , | Working | February 9, 2021

My boss is really cute and funny. Every so often, she gives us a little friendly competition to boost sales and morale at the same time. For instance, she’ll promise you a free lunch, dessert and all, if you make so many sales in one shift, or a small cash prize if you sell so many loaves of bread by the end of the month.

I have a tendency to repeat myself an awful lot. Being a cashier, that’s all part of the job. But one day, during a quick break, my boss mentions just how often I repeat certain phrases a day.

In this case, I tell customers who ask for water to drink, “Water’s free!”

Boss: “How many times do you think you say that in your whole shift? Go ahead, guess!”

Me: “Oh, I dunno… Thirty or so?”

Boss: *Teasingly* “Okay, thirty. Listen, I’ll make you a little bet. If you can say, ‘Water’s free,’ sixty times tomorrow, I’ll give you ten dollars!”

So, the very next day, when my shift begins, I get a little slip of paper, keep a pen close by, and tally the number of times I say that phrase.

Luckily for me, we have a HUGE turnout, with Thanksgiving just around the corner and people placing orders for our pies, breads, and cheesecakes like crazy. And, of course, there are the standard “take your friends/family out for breakfast/lunch” customers, as well.

At least half of them ask for water, and I’ll confess I milk it a little, but I make sure to mark down every single time I say those words out loud. After all, there is no rule that I can only say, “Free water,” once to a customer, or to only one customer in a large group!

The end result? Sixty-nine!

At the end of my shift, I present my special paper to my boss. She is a bit surprised at first, and then she bursts out laughing.

Boss: “Wow, I didn’t expect you to take this bet seriously! But a deal’s a deal.” 

And she handed the ten dollars right over!

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And That’s How The Cookie Mathematically Crumbles

, , , | Right | January 31, 2021

I work at a bakery that sells cookies either individually for a dollar each or by boxes of a dozen for $6. A customer comes up and picks out six cookies.

Me: “Would like to get a dozen? If you buy six, you basically get to pick out another six free.”

Customer: *Blinks at me* “Oh, you’re giving away free cookies?”

Me: “You get twice as many for no extra charge.”

He takes an obnoxious amount of time to select the other cookies, but eventually, I assemble his box. As I’m ringing him up, he notices the sign behind me advertising the deal. 

Customer: “Oh, that’s just what the box costs?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Customer: “I thought you said I was getting the other six for free?”

Me: *Explaining the math* “It’s a basic bulk discount. Rather than paying full price, you get half-off.”

Customer: “But you’re not giving away free cookies? I thought you had some kind of deal going on, but that’s just the price of the box.”

Me: “Well, we are… except the deal is always on offer all the time.”

Customer: “Well, never mind, then. I don’t want it if it’s not special.”

He turned heel and walked off without another word. I ended up having to toss the box because he’d picked out some peanut butter cookies and we had to keep them from cross-contaminating.

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But… Why Not The Stuff?

, , , , | Working | January 27, 2021

It’s in the middle of the holiday season and we’re all sleep-deprived. The bakers’ schedule has completely changed, so instead of going in at 3:00 am, we start at 10:00 pm. This flip takes a toll on our mental capacities. I am filling out the list of what we need to make when a coworker asks me what I want her to do first since the order of what we do is changed.

Me: “So you’re going to do the things… but not the stuff.” 

Coworker: “You want me to grab the muffins, but not the donuts?” 

Me: “I’m glad someone understands me.”

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Oh, Dear Me

, , , , | Right | January 22, 2021

My parents own a small bakery, and we hear stories about… shall we say… “interesting” customers all the time.

Customer: “Excuse me, what is venison?”

Mum: “It’s deer meat.”

Customer: “I don’t care how expensive it is; what is it?”

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Can’t Crack This Superstition Thing

, , , | Right | January 21, 2021

I work at a popular bakery and café. I am working the register on Friday the thirteenth.

Customer: “I need to ask you something.”

Me: “What’s up?”

Customer: “What happens if you are a mother and you step on a crack but your own mother is dead?”

Me: “Uh, you break your own back?”

Customer: “Oh, okay.”

They left without ordering anything.

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