We do custom cakes in our shop. A customer has ordered a cake with “Happy Birthday, Karen!” written on it. She comes in for collection.

Customer: “You’ve spelt this wrong.”

Me: “Oh? That is how it’s spelt on the order form.”

Customer: “Well, it’s wrong. I’d like a discount.”

I call the shop owner over as discounts must go through him.

Owner: “I can’t do a discount as this is how it was spelt on the form, and the form is filled out by the customer. I can get [My Name] to redo it free of charge. It will take another an hour, though.”

Customer: *Huffs* “FINE!”

Owner: “Can I get the correct spelling, please?”

Customer: “D.”

The owner gives me a confused glance and I notice the other customers in the store, having taken notice, do much the same.

Owner: “This was meant to be ‘Darren’?”

Customer: “No, ‘Karen’! D-A-R-I-A-N.”

Owner: “That doesn’t spell ‘Karen.’”

Customer: *Grunts* “Just give me one of your piping kits for free and I’ll do it myself! This is terrible service. After this, I won’t be coming here again!”

The owner obliges, and the customer sloppily fixes the cake on a free counter. A friend comes in shortly before she finishes up.

Customer: “They got your cake wrong.”

The customer gives us a nasty look.

Customer: “I’ve had to fix it myself.”

Friend: “Oh?” *Looks at cake* “Why does it say, ‘Michael’?”

Customer: “UGH! IT’S SAYS KAREN!”

The customer grabs the cake — the literal cake, leaving the base — and storms out. Her friend follows her out, yelling:

Friend: “Who the f*** is Karen?”

I am a baker but I also do customer service. Our bakery does a ton of pickup orders but we also have a selection of ready-made items to buy.

A customer walks in wanting to buy a pie for a birthday that evening. It’s late afternoon right now.

Me: “Hi there. What can I get you?”

Customer: “I wanted to get a pie for my friend’s birthday.”

Me: “Okay, what kind?”

Customer: “What kinds do you have without dairy? He is deathly allergic to dairy products.”

Me: “Well, at the moment, I don’t have any vegan pies, just conventional ones. So they all have dairy in them.”

Customer: “What about just an apple pie? Is there dairy in that?”

Me: “Yes. We use butter in the pie dough. For vegan pies we don’t, but I don’t have any ready-made.”

Customer: “Butter? Butter isn’t dairy.”

Me: “Um…”

I am trying not to be rude.

Me: “Yes, it is. Butter is dairy.”

Customer: “No, milk is dairy. Butter isn’t dairy. Butter is butter.”

Me: “Butter is made from cream. It is 100% dairy.”

Customer: “Well, he can have butter. Butter is fine. He is allergic to dairy. So no milk. Does that pie have milk in it?”

Me: “Technically… yes. If your friend is deathly allergic to dairy, then he can’t have any of the pies I have ready.”

Customer: “I said he can have butter. I’ll take the apple pie.”

Me: “Okay. But he shouldn’t eat it. He will die.”

Customer: “He just doesn’t like creamy things, okay? He doesn’t like the custard-y pies. I just wanted a pie with no dairy in it.”

Me: “Okay. I’m glad he won’t die.”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m sure you’re really glad.”

She angrily bought her pie and stormed out. After she left, I had flashbacks of working in fast food and customers ordering fries with no salt FOR HEALTH REASONS, thinking they were tricking me info making fresh fries… when they could have just asked for fresh ones. Sigh. Joke’s on them. I ALWAYS forgot to add the salt packets they would ask for.

I work the counter at a vegan bakery. We make everything from scratch to ensure that no animal products are in our products and we offer a variety of smoothies and sandwiches, as well.

This exchange happens while I am making a smoothie for one of our regulars. My coworker — one of the bakers — takes over the register to help the next customer in line.

Customer: “There’s chocolate in these cupcakes.”

Coworker: “Yes, we have many items with chocolate in them. They’re very delicious.”

Customer: “But all chocolate has dairy in it. How can you all have a vegan bakery if there’s dairy in the chocolate?”

Coworker: “Well, we make our chocolate here, and I promise you it is vegan.”

The customer suddenly becomes very upset.

Customer: “My friends are vegan and dairy-free. I can’t bring them stuff that has chocolate because all chocolate has dairy!“

The owner of the bakery comes from the back kitchen to check out the situation. She herself put a lot of work into making all of the recipes and ensuring all ingredients are vegan and eco-friendly.

Owner: “What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “There’s chocolate in almost everything you have! These things can’t possibly be vegan! How dare you try to pass these treats as vegan when you are putting milk in them?!”

Owner: “Ma’am, all of our chocolate is vegan. We make our chocolate items from scratch with cocoa powder. And our chocolate chips come from certified vegan sources. This entire establishment is vegan, and we don’t let anything dairy through the doors, especially in the kitchen.”

The customer responds very matter of factly.

Customer: “Yes, but did you even care to think that cocoa powder is made of ground-up chocolate bars, and all chocolate bars have dairy in them? And you said yourself that you use cocoa powder in your chocolate, so your chocolate treats all have dairy in them.”

Everyone, including our regular, is stunned silent at this woman’s backward logic.

Owner: “Ma’am, cocoa powder comes straight from the cacao tree, which in no way produces milk. And not even all chocolate bars have dairy. If you walk into any grocery store, many of the dark chocolate bars are dairy-free. We make everything from scratch here. Everything is vegan; even all of the employees are vegan. I can assure you, there is no dairy in this building.”

Customer: “Oh… Well, fine. I’ll have six cupcakes.”

She then selects six cupcakes, most of which have chocolate.

After she leaves, our normally quiet regular speaks up.

Regular: “Hey, [My Name], this green smoothie you just made me… does it have dairy in it?”

We all laughed hysterically and spent the rest of the day warning each other not to eat anything in case it had dairy in it.

Related:
Dairy, Dairy, Quite Contrary

Our family operates a bakery, but my husband also repairs iPhones, etc., on the side.

A big SUV pulls up in front of the shop and out gets this not-so-petite girl with all kinds of rhinestones, shocking pink and leopard print, skin-tight leggings instead of pants, the whole nine yards. She trots into the store.

Customer: “Someone tol’ me that some man here does cell phones.”

Me: “Yes, my husband repairs broken glass and stuff like that, depending on the type of phone.”

Customer: “Do you have any pictures of his work?”

Me: “Not really, since it’s just a matter of changing the glass or the case.”

Customer: “No, no, I want him to fix my phone but I want to see his work.”

Me: “There are no photos to show. He just changes the glass or the case and it’s done; nothing worth taking pictures of.”

Customer: “No, I want him to pimp my phone. You know… with rhinestones and bling and s*** like that.”

Me: “Sorry, he doesn’t pimp phones with diamonds like that; he just fixes broken glass.”

Customer: “D***, I want to pimp my phone.”

Me: “Sorry, no pimping here!”

You don’t want a fifty-year-old white man pimping your phone!

It is the day after the Boston bombing suspect was arrested. Every business in Boston was shut down for a whole day the day before and the police and state officials even asked us not to go out for any reason in case the suspect was armed and in the vicinity.

I work in a bakery and I am looking through the cake order forms.

Me: “There’s a cake order for today?”

Manager: “Oh, I’ll check with the pastry chef if we have that today.”

He checks and of course, we don’t have it since we make cakes the day before.

Manager: “Okay, I’ll call the people who ordered it. They should understand since we had that emergency yesterday.”

Soon after, he calls the people who ordered it and offers them any cake in the bakery. I can hear him getting frustrated and hanging up in a very upset way.

Manager: “They weren’t happy about it at all.”

Sure enough, when the customers come in, I hear them yelling at him.

Customer: “Why couldn’t you have called us yesterday? It’s their son’s first birthday and we’ve been telling them how great your cakes are but we have to settle for this?!”

Manager: “Look, your friend should understand we had an emergency yesterday; did you want me to risk my life just for you?”