Self-Rising Expectations

| | Right | December 22, 2008

Customer: “You bake all of this French bread here?”

Me: “Yes sir, every day.”

Customer: “Do you make the dough yourselves, or does it come in frozen?”

Me: “Oh, it comes in frozen. We bake more than 100 loaves of French bread a day on top of everything else we make, so we really wouldn’t have time to make dough from scratch.”

Customer: “So you’re cheaters then?!”

Me: *thinking he’s joking* “Yes, sir, we certainly are!”

Customer: “Well, that’s shameful!” *to another customer* “Did you know they don’t make the dough themselves?!”

Customer #2: “It only costs a buck a loaf, dude. What do you want from them?”

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Chippendales, The Golden Years

| | Right | October 10, 2008

(Four elderly men enter the store. They are all at least 70, balding, and at least one has a cane.)

Manager: “Hi, what can I get for you?”

Elderly Man #1: “Are those bagels hot, young lady?”

Manager: “They’re pretty hot. They’ve been out about ten minutes.”

Elderly Man #2: “But are they as hot as us?”

Also seen on: Not Always Romantic.

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Why Don’t You And I Make It A Baker’s Dozen

| | Right | June 7, 2008

Me: “Hello, **** Bakery, **** speaking. How may I help you?”

Customer: “Hey, you sound tired.”

Me: “Um… yes? How may I help you?”

Customer: “Rough night last night? I heard you were busy.”

Me: “Sir?”

Customer: “Partying worn you out, huh? Well hopefully you aren’t too worn out when you come home, if you know what I mean.”

Me: “Sir, this is **** Bakery. I believe you’ve dialed the wrong number.”

Customer: “Well, s**t.”

Me: “… yes.”

Customer: “Do YOU want to come over later?”

Me: “No.” *click*

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Born To Nag

| | Right | February 17, 2008

(I was traying up baked goods one Friday night, and around 8 o’clock a middle aged woman walks up to the counter.)

Woman: “Hello, excuse me?”

Me: “Yes? Do you need help with anything?”

Woman: “Yes, I’d like to know if you have baked bread on Sundays?”

Me: “Yes…this is a bakery. We have fresh bread everyday.”

Woman: “I know! I was just wondering if it was fresh on Sundays! I don’t want to come in and buy stale bread. I bought a stale loaf one time and it was disgusting!”

Me: “Well, yes, we do. We don’t sell stale bread, ma’am, or we would get in trouble.”

Woman: “Okay, I was just making sure! If there was stale bread I would’ve been angry!”

Me: “Well we actually can’t sell stale bread…it’s a health code issue…”

Woman: “Well, GOOD! I’m glad you’re finally doing your job.”

Me: “…”

(The woman storms off.)

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