I work in a very busy bakery and donut shop in a very busy tourist town. We can get anywhere from one to three big tour buses at a time. Most of them come before 5:00 pm when the last of the staggered day shift is gone, and we have enough people to deal with them.

A single bus of sixty-eight people pulls up at 7:50 pm on a Sunday night, and of course, they all want meals, drinks, and desserts. Our baker, who is about to leave in ten minutes, thankfully says she will stay and bake more of the buns and such required.

Several of the tourists who can speak English/French — sadly few of them — start to complain about the wait times for the buns and food, since after the first few passengers we have to make fresh.

I am frantically trying to get drinks and food made, and the supervisor is also working the front counter with me. The bus driver approaches me, speaking in heavily-accented English.

Bus Driver: “You happy for my bus, yes?!”

Throwing my better judgment to the wind, since he is stalling me on filling one of the food orders, I respond with a half-under-my-breath mutter.

Me: “No! Not really…”

Bus Driver: “Why? It is good!”

Me: “It would have been really nice if you had called ahead. The [Tourist Attraction] is not even five minutes up the road…”

Bus Driver: “Why call? You should be ready!” 

Me: “Excuse me, please. I need to finish getting their food.”

Bus Driver: “No, you get me free meal now!”

Me: “Just a moment, please. I need to finish this order.”

Bus Driver: “No! My food now!”

I turned to my supervisor on the other till and she took over dealing with him. In other words, he wanted me to ignore my current customer, grab his food, and be appreciative of him dropping almost seventy people on us. I did get in some trouble for my first comment to the bus driver, but she understood why I ended up being honest with him.

The cake decorator in the bakery where I work has difficulty putting up with any amount of stupidity. She always says what’s on her mind and rarely gets reprimanded.

Customer: “Hi. I’m looking for a cake.”

Decorator: *Slight pause* “Okay?” *Another pause* “What kind of cake?”

Customer: “I can’t really remember; I used to have it all the time growing up.”

Red colors are gradually forming on the decorator’s face.

Customer: “You know, the cakes my grandmother used to make me all the time?”

Decorator: “…”

Customer: “…”

Decorator: *Now smiling* “Do you know what cakes my grandmother used to make me?”

Customer: “No?” 

Decorator: *Smile fades* “Then how the f*** would I know what cakes your grandmother made?”

Four months later, she still works here. The customers must be too scared to make a complaint.

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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It is an extremely busy Saturday at the bakery, so we pretty much only have a few items in the display case to sell.

Me: “Hi. Just to let you know, all you see is all we have left. We got wiped clean tonight, as you can see.” 

Customer: “Hi. Can I have the cheesecake, please?”

Me: “Unfortunately, we are sold out of that tonight. Everything you see is all we have left today.”

Customer: “Oh, okay. May I have the chocolate cake, please?”

Me: “We are sold out of that, as well.”

I point to the pastry case and viennoiserie.

Me: “All that you see is what we have left.”

Once again, the customer looks up at the menu above my head.

Customer: “So, does that mean you’re also sold out of the almond croissants?”

While walking her over to the pastry case, which is five inches to her right:

Me: “Yes, miss. We are sold out of almond croissants, as well. We have plain croissants and anything you see in this case tonight.”

Customer: “Oh, well, you should’ve told me. I just wasted my time looking at the menu!”

I own a cake shop. There is a display at the front showing various cakes we provide. None of them are real. This happens one morning just after I have opened. 

Customer: “You have a cake in your window.”

Me: “Yes. Are you interested in buying?”

Customer: “Can I look at it?”

Me: “Certainly.”

I pull a catalogue from under the counter.

Me: “Which cake caught your eye?”

Customer: “No. I want to see the cake in the window.”

Me: “All of the cakes in the window are in this catalogue.”

Customer: “But I want to see the one in the window. Why can’t you show me?”

Me: “I can, but it isn’t real. The only difference between a cake in the window and one in the catalogue is that it’s 3D.”

Customer: “If it isn’t real, then what’s the harm?”

I agree and ask her to point out which cake she wants. I bring it over and place it on the counter.

Customer: “And how much is this cake?”

Me: “It comes in several sizes; I’ll just check.”

In the two seconds I look away from her, she picks it up and takes a big bite out of it. I turn back as she screams.

Customer: “THIS IS FAKE! IT’S STYROFOAM!”

Me: “Yes, it is.”

Customer: “You tried to sell me a fake cake!”

Me: “I told you it wasn’t real. You even said it wasn’t real before I brought it over.”

Customer: “YOU COULD HAVE KILLED ME! I’M SUING!”

She threw the cake to the ground, which caused the glass stand it was glued to to shatter. She stormed out, leaving me to fix the mess. 

My daughter was in the back the entire time and asked if she should call the police. I decided against it and instead printed a picture of the woman’s face that was in clear view of the camera which overlooks the shop. The picture of her, taking a bite out of Styrofoam, now hangs on the wall behind the counter. While I had to get the cake remade, I think the laughs I get from the picture are worth the cost.

This story has been included in our June 2020 roundup as one of that month’s most memorable stories!

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Keep in mind that this display of human awesomeness occurs in an upper-middle-class suburban area, where new homes start at a quarter of a million dollars. The phone rings.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bagel Shop]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help you?”

Customer: *angry* “I need to speak to someone that can help me!”

Me: “Well, our manager doesn’t come on for another two hours; what can I do for you, sir?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Can you help me?!”

Me: “Yes, sir. What seems to be the problem?”

Customer: “I don’t know! Can you help me?”

Me: *Internal sigh* “Yes, sir. I can help you.”

Customer: “Good!”

There is a long pause.

Me: “What seems to be the problem, sir?”

Customer: “Well, I came in and bought a dozen bagels!”

I am suppressing the desire to comment, “Well, this is a bagel store.”

Me: “Yes, sir?”

Customer: “And when I got home, I only had twelve bagels!”

It is this store’s policy to sell bagels as a baker’s dozen, which is thirteen, while only charging for twelve.

Me: “Ah, yes, sir. Well, I’m sure there was some mistake—”

Customer: “You’re d*** right, there was a mistake! I need someone to help me!”

Me: “Well, sir, if you would like, we’ll give you a free dozen bagels—”

Customer: “You’re useless! I already have a dozen bagels!” *Hangs up*

Me: “…”