A Handy Comeback

, , , , | Right | April 19, 2019

(I work in a popular, fairly cheap bakery and food-on-the-go retailer in the UK. We have a range of sandwiches, including several we can heat, but those are packaged in obvious brown packaging. We can’t heat any other sandwiches because of the ingredients.)

Customer: *handing me a cheese salad sandwich* “Hey, can you toast this for me?”

Me: “No, sorry, sir. We can only toast the sandwiches in the brown wrappers.”

Customer: “You won’t toast this one?”

Me: “No, sorry. Did you still want it?”

Customer: *pauses* “How am I supposed to eat it, then?”

(This isn’t said aggressively, but rather as if he’s utterly confused about this conundrum.)

Me: “Most people eat them with their hands; I don’t know about you.”

(There was a moment of stunned silence, and then he paid and left. Thankfully, my manager thought it was absolutely hilarious and I didn’t get written up!)

Unfiltered Story #147150

, | Unfiltered | April 17, 2019

Customer: can I get a wholemeal loaf sliced please?

Me: Yeah sure. Was that for toast or sandwich sliced?

Customer: Yes

Me: Sorry was that toast or sandwich

Customer: *looks at me like he’s told me this already* For toast.

Unfiltered Story #146836

, , | Unfiltered | April 10, 2019

(I work in a bakery but we don’t makes cakes or slices of any kind, and we never have.)

Me: Hi, how are you today?

Elderly Lady: No I don’t want any cake.

Me:…. Uhh okay then, have a nice day?

*safe to say I was very confused after that*

April Fools: Holiday Special

, , , , | Right | April 1, 2019

(It’s April.)

Customer: “Do you have those Christmas tree ones you had a while ago?”

Me: “No, we only have those around Christmas.”

Customer: “When will you have them back?”

Me: “December.”

Customer: “Oh. Why don’t you have them all the time?”

Me: “Because you’re literally the only person since Christmas to ask for them.”

His Cup Runneth Full With Lies

, , , , | Right | March 27, 2019

(The cafe I work in has a system where customers can order and pay online. Their orders are then placed on a shelf that all customers can access so that they can just grab their food and go. We have one regular who we know exploits the system. He always orders a single chocolate chip cookie, and when he picks it up he hides the slip and then comes up to the counter, complaining that we forgot his drink. We have a benefit-of-the-doubt policy, and we are not allowed to blatantly call customers out on their schemes. One week, I have worked four days in a row and have seen him every day.)

Regular: *comes up to my register* “Hello. I ordered a cookie and a drink online, and when I got here the cookie was the only thing on the shelf. Could I have a cup, please?

Me: *nonchalantly* “Yeah, sure. Hey, didn’t this same thing happen to you yesterday? And the day before? And every day this week? Wow, we should really work on that.” *puts on an oblivious smile and holds a cup out to him*

(Suddenly, the thieving regular got an expression like a deer in the headlights and scurried out of the store! It’s been about four months, and nobody has seen him since.)

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