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Baked In The Bakery

| Berkeley, CA, USA | At The Checkout, Bizarre, Criminal & Illegal

(Two young men and one young woman walk into the store. They appear to be college-aged.)

Man #1: “So, these cupcakes are, like, really good, right?”

Me: “Yep! The owner bakes them herself using great ingredients.”

(They wander around the store for a minute. Suddenly, the other man pulls out a plastic container of marijuana.)

Man #2: “Man, smell this!”

Man #1: “Oh, s***, that is some great stuff.”

Woman: “Let me smell.”

(Since the container looks similar to that of the local dispensary, I decide a call to the police is uncalled for without more information, so I wait.)

Woman: *smelling the drugs* “Oh, wow, that’s really good!” *smiles at me* “One banana split cupcake, please!”

(As I get her the cupcake, I keep staring at the container of weed. The young men seem completely unfazed by this.)

Me: *ringing up the payment* “Have a great day!”

Man #1: *walking out, weed still visibly in hand* “Oh, we DEFINITELY will!”

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The Cookies Aren’t The Only Things That Are Baked

| Berkeley, CA, USA | Bizarre, Food & Drink

(I work at a bakery that sells mainly cupcakes, as well as some cookies. A young male customer smelling strongly of marijuana walks in.)

Customer: “Oh, man, cookies!”

Me: “Yep, cupcakes, too!”

(The man walks around looking at the cookies.)

Customer: “So, where are the chocolate chip cookies?”

Me: “Oh, we actually don’t have any. The closest we’re selling right now is oatmeal raisin chocolate chip.”

Customer: “I thought you had chocolate chip!”

Me: “Well, some of the stock changes seasonally, but we don’t usually do chocolate chip.”

(The man wanders around, apparently still looking for the chocolate chip.)

Customer: “What time do you close tonight?”

Me: “We’re open until 10 pm.”

Customer: “You’ll definitely have chocolate chip by then! Right?”

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I Want The Most Crappy Cake You Have

| Seattle, WA, USA | Awesome Customers, Food & Drink

(A customer is looking to buy a five-inch round cake for a birthday party, but after discussing how many people will be there, decides to get a half sheet instead. The bakery uses marzipan to make novelty and adult sculptures to put atop cakes. This particular half sheet has a stylized sculpture of a pile of poop on top of it, which he thought would get more laughs than our other selection.)

Customer: “Oh, thank you. I hadn’t really thought about how many guests there would be, but I’m sure everyone will get a kick out of this one!”

Me: “Glad to hear it! Now, that size of cake can be a bit heavy. Would you like help out to your car?”

Customer: “No worries. I have it!”

(He starts sliding the cake box off the counter.)

Customer: “Just gotta get my ke—”

(His supporting hand moves out from under the cake to his pocket and he pushes the entire cake off the counter, it somehow staying in its box.)

Me: “Oh…”

Customer: “Well… s***.”

(We ended up just slapping some extra icing on top and writing “for s***s and giggles” on it, as if that was the plan all along.)

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Grain Brain Drain

| MB, Canada | Food & Drink

(I work at a small bakery and am often left alone in the shop while the owner goes out to get ingredients. Note: I’m the youngest one working here and often have my opinion undermined by customers. I also sound quite young on the phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Business].”

Customer: *in a very nasal voice* “Hi, I was wondering what kind of breads you have today?”

Me: “Okay, today we have the [Bread], which is our bread of the day today. Besides that we have—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I want the one, what was it, something grain.”

Me: “Well, we have the multigrain bre—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No, that’s not it. I want the grainy one.” *sighs obviously annoyed* “I’ll just come in.”

(She comes in later that day when the owner is back. Our voices are very different so she would know which one was on the phone.)

Owner: “Good morning, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want the grainy one.”

Owner: “Well, I guess that would be our multigrain bread over here.”

Customer:Thaaat’s the one. I’ll take two.”

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I’m Guessing He’s Not A Breadwinner

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “What’s that white stuff on top of your bread?”

Me: “Oh, that’s flour.”

Customer: “Is that edible?”

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