Grain Brain Drain

| MB, Canada | Food & Drink

(I work at a small bakery and am often left alone in the shop while the owner goes out to get ingredients. Note: I’m the youngest one working here and often have my opinion undermined by customers. I also sound quite young on the phone.)

Me: “Hello, [Business].”

Customer: *in a very nasal voice* “Hi, I was wondering what kind of breads you have today?”

Me: “Okay, today we have the [Bread], which is our bread of the day today. Besides that we have—”

Customer: *interrupting* “I want the one, what was it, something grain.”

Me: “Well, we have the multigrain bre—”

Customer: *interrupting again* “No, that’s not it. I want the grainy one.” *sighs obviously annoyed* “I’ll just come in.”

(She comes in later that day when the owner is back. Our voices are very different so she would know which one was on the phone.)

Owner: “Good morning, what can I get for you?”

Customer: “I want the grainy one.”

Owner: “Well, I guess that would be our multigrain bread over here.”

Customer:Thaaat’s the one. I’ll take two.”


I’m Guessing He’s Not A Breadwinner

| Sydney, NSW, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

Customer: “What’s that white stuff on top of your bread?”

Me: “Oh, that’s flour.”

Customer: “Is that edible?”

Throw In An Extra Humble Pie

| USA | Bad Behavior, Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am at a bakery getting dessert for Thanksgiving. I overhear a man and a worker talking about his order.)

Man: “My wife called three weeks ago and ordered food and called today to make sure it was ready, and you people don’t have it! It’s under John and Liz! I can’t believe you god**** people!”

Worker: “I’m looking for pies under the name John and Liz but I’m not finding anything. I’m sorry but your wife must have called somewhere else.”

Man: “No! We always get dessert here and my wife didn’t call another place!”

(This goes on for what feels like hours. I decide to get some treats for myself because hearing this guy is making my head spin!)

Man: “Two pecan pies under John and Liz! Why can’t you people get it right!? My wife called TODAY and you people said it was ready!”

Worker: “Are you sure it’s not under any other name?”

Man: “I’m positive! Are you calling me a liar?!”

Worker: “Of course not, sir. I found one ready box with pecan pies and they are the only ones ready but the name isn’t John and Liz.”

Man: “Well, what’s the name then god-d***-it!?”

Worker: “Johnson.”

(The man goes white for a second while another worker is preparing my treats.)

Man: “U-uh, yes, that’s my last name.”

(He throws money on the table and runs away while the other worker gives me my food and receipt.)

Me: “Oh, it says that you didn’t put the treats on here.”

Worker #2: “It’s on the house after listening to that for 10-20 minutes!”

Yesterday, All My Combos Seemed So Far Away…

| ME, USA | At The Checkout, Crazy Requests, Money

(It is my second day: An old customer comes in and rattles off a long combo order. Still getting used to the registers, I hit a wrong key, which causes the price to register without the combo discount.)

Me: “Okay, your total is [amount].”

Old Customer: “NO, it is NOT! It should be [different amount]. You did the same thing to me last week!”

Me: “…I just started yesterday, sir.”

Thinks Very Highly Of Your Cakes

| USA | Crazy Requests, Criminal & Illegal, Family & Kids, Food & Drink

(I work as a cake decorator at a well known and respectable bakery. We take orders over the phone, as well as in person. One day, I received an unusual phone call. After writing down the basics of her order…)

Woman: “Can you make it a pot cake?”

Me: “What do you mean?”

Woman: “Can you put the pot in it?”

Me: “You mean you want marijuana baked into your cake?”

Woman: “Yes! A lot of it.”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we don’t do that.”

Woman: “Well, can you at least draw a pot leaf on the top of the cake?”

Me: “I’m sorry, but I am not allowed to do that, either. I can decorate it with a different picture, or write something on it if you want.”

Woman: “Okay, then write on it.”

Me: “What do you want it to say?”

Woman: “Happy Birthday, Mom.”

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