Intolerant To Ignorance

, , , , , | Working | December 29, 2017

(I’m intolerant to wheat. I step into a bakery and the following ensues. I have told both employees about my condition.)

Me: “Hello, do you have anything made from corn flour?”

Employee #1: “Hmm, perhaps this one. It’s made with cheese.”

Me: “What flour has been used for it?”

Employee #1: “Whole-grain flour.”

Me: “Whole-grain wheat flour or whole-grain corn flour?”

Employee #1: “Ah, I have no idea.” *calls other employee*

Employee #2: “That’s not wheat flour; that’s [brand]. It’s germinated with sprouts… of wheat.”

Me: “Goodbye.”

Congradulations For Learning Something New

, , , , , | Right | December 20, 2017

(I am a baker at a popular chain. My manager has just requested I decorate a cake for a customer. It is to say, “Congratulations, [Recipient]!” on it. I get to work doing so, then present the decorated cake to the customer. She stares at it for a moment, before looking at me as if I’m growing a second head. )

Customer: “Isn’t ‘congratulations’ spelled with a D?”

(My manager overhears this and approaches.)

Me: “No, ma’am. I promise you it’s spelled with a T.”

Customer: *scoffs* “CONGRAD-UH! ULATIONS!”

(I am about to correct her when my manager pulls out his phone and pulls up Siri.)

Manager: *to phone* “Spell, ‘congratulations.’”

(The phone beeps and announces the spelling, and my manager holds it out to show the customer, who promptly quiets down and storms off with her cake.)

Manager: *flabbergasted* “Was she kidding just now? My face hurts from that conversation.”

Seeing Red About Santa

, , , | Right | December 18, 2017

(In the lead-up to Christmas, we have several Christmas themed cookies including a Santa and a tree.)

Customer: *points* “I want that red one!”

Me: “Oh, the Santa? Sure.”

Customer: “I call it the red one because I don’t celebrate Christmas, so I won’t say Santa.”

Me: “Uh, OK. That’ll be [price].”

Customer: “I just like the look of the red one. I won’t be calling it the Santa one because not everyone celebrates Christmas, you know.“

Me: “Well, here’s your red cookie. Enjoy the rest of your day.”

Customer: “Thanks. Maybe next year you can just call it the red one instead of Santa.”

(She leaves.)

Coworker: “For someone who doesn’t say Santa, she sure said it enough.”

Beguiling Bagels

, , , | Right | December 13, 2017

(I’m standing in line at a popular bakery behind this customer. Their bagels are very good, and only $2 each.)

Customer: “I would like six or seven bagels.”

Worker: “Sorry, was that six or seven?”

Customer: “Yes. Six or seven bagels.”

Worker: *puts seven in a bag and hands them to the customer* “That will be $14, please.”

Customer: “What?”

Worker: “$14 please, sir.”

Customer: “I wanted six bagels. Why is it $14?!”

Worker: “Oh! I’m sorry. I’ll put one back.” *she holds out her hand for the bag*

Customer: “No! No! What are you not understanding?! I wanted seven bagels! But I only want to pay for six!”

They Act Like They’re Baked

, , , , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(My BFF and I run a small bakery. We are very sarcastic with each other and our employees:)

BFF: *texting* “Not coming in today.”

Me: “Really? You are only four hours late. I didn’t even miss you.”

BFF: “Slow?”

Me: “Turtle, slug, slime creeping; what is slower?”

BFF: “What are you doing?”

Me: “Watching Deadwood, cleaning the office, surfing porn (not really).”

BFF: “Go home. Girls can handle the front.”

Me: “No! Then I would have to watch TMNT, clean the kitchen, and surf Pinterest. Work is way better!”

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