The Definition Of Cold Is Too Hot To Handle

| Melbourne, VIC, Australia | Extra Stupid, Food & Drink

(It’s about 15 minutes before closing time, and so we have very little hot food left. We do however, continue to sell cold items for customers to take home and cook for themselves.)

Customer: “Do you have any chicken pies still hot?”

Me: “Sorry, mate. We’ve sold out of the chicken pies. I’ve still got some cold ones in the fridge though.”

Customer: “Cold? Like, how cold?”

Me: “As in refrigerated. They’re not frozen, just cold. Uncooked.”

Customer: “Ah, okay. I’ll grab one of those thanks.”

Me: “Sure, that’ll be [price].” *I get the customer his pie*

Customer: “Ugh! So this is really cold! Can you heat this up for me?”

Me: “Sorry, I can’t.”

Customer: “Just real quick, in the microwave?”

Me: “Sorry. Like I said, the cold pies are uncooked. It needs to be cooked in an oven.”

Customer: “Oh. Well, I don’t want this one, then. When you said ‘cold’ I thought you meant, like, ‘sort of warm.'”

A Hit Of Caffeine

| CA, USA | Bizarre, Wild & Unruly

(The bakery closes at two pm every Sunday. I am out on the patio about an hour after closing, sweeping and stacking furniture. A middle-aged customer and her elderly mother approach.)

Daughter: “Oh, hi! We’d like to get some coffee, please.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, but the coffee’s all gone now. We’re closed.”

Daughter: “You are?”

Me: “Yes. I’m afraid we close at two on Sundays.”

Mother: “Oh, you bad girl!”

(The customer proceeds to hit me with her rolled up newspaper, leaving me speechless!)

How To Make Your Cake Extra ‘Special’

| NC, USA | Food & Drink, Funny Names

(I am helping a customer place an order for two cakes.)

Me: “Okay, that’s about everything. Did you want anything written on the cakes?”

Customer: “I’m not sure.” *turns to his wife* “Honey, what should I have written on the cakes? How about ‘Pot’ on one and ‘Luck’ on the other since it’s a potluck?”

Customer’s Wife: “Are you asking if I think you should have ‘Pot’ written on a cake?”

Customer: “Good point. No, nothing written on them.”

Me: “Sounds like a good choice.”