An Uneven Excuse

| NY, USA | Right | May 19, 2016

(As a full time student, I work weekends at a small bagel shop. My coworkers were telling me about an incident that transpired earlier in the week. Note that we always cut the bagels in half after making a sandwich or putting spreads on them.)

Customer: “Hi, I’d like a plain bagel with cream cheese.”

Coworker: “Sure thing.”

(He then goes off to prepare the bagel, and once finished, he gives it to the customer, who pays and leaves without a hitch. Soon afterwards, the customer comes back to the store.)

Customer: “Hey, can I get a new cream cheese bagel?”

Coworker: “Was something wrong with it?”

Customer: “Yeah, my girlfriend didn’t like it because it was unprofessionally cut.”

Coworker: *confused* “What do you mean by that? Did the sandwich fall apart? Do you have the bagel with you?”

(The customer proceeds to pull out of his bag only half of the original bagel, which was not crumbly or broken.)

Coworker: “Where’s the other half of the bagel?”

Customer: “Oh, my girlfriend ate it.”

Coworker: “She said she didn’t like the way the bagel was cut, but still ate it anyway?”

Customer: “Yeah, she said it wasn’t professionally cut. They have to be really even.”

(Eventually my coworker just gave him another bagel to prevent a scene, but apparently the fact that the bagel wasn’t “professionally cut” didn’t stop his girlfriend from finding it good to eat!)

These Bagels Have A Long Shelf Life

| Five Towns, NY, USA | Right | July 8, 2013

(A lot of people like to come into the shop and ask for special favors because of being ‘good customers’. Sometimes the cashier—who is also the owner—gets annoyed.)

Customer #1: “But we’re good customers!”

Cashier: “What’s my name?”

Customer #2: “What?”

Cashier: “If you’re really good customers, you would know my name.”

(Customers #1 and #2 look at each other, confused.)

Customer #2: “Aren’t you Todd?”

Cashier: “You’re confusing me with my father.”

Customer #2: “Yes, that’s who we’re used to dealing with. Can we talk to him, please?”

Cashier: “He died 18 years ago. You must be really good customers.”

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There’s Something In Those Poppy Seeds

, | NYC, NY, USA | Right | October 16, 2012

(My boss is known for being very strict, and demanding ‘good customer relations.’ He reprimands us if we say things that he thinks are ‘unprofessional,’ which has forced us to be very formal with everyone who comes into the shop. Today, he’s running late.)

Customer: “Can I get a toasted everything bagel, and-” *turns to daughter* “What do you want?”

Customer’s daughter: *about eight years old* “Poppy seeds and cream cheese!”

Customer: “…and a poppy seed bagel with cream cheese.”

Co-worker: “Sure, here’s your poppy seed. Just give me a minute to toast the everything.”

Customer’s daughter: *after a few seconds* “Mommy.”

Customer: “We’re almost ready to go, dear, mommy just needs her bagel too.”

Customer’s daughter: “Mommy…I dropped my bagel and the cream cheese is dirty.”

Co-worker: “Don’t worry about it. Here’s a new one for free.”

Customer’s daughter: *very excited* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Customer: “Bagel bagel bagel bagel!”

Me: *handing the customer her bagel* “Here’s your BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Coworker: *joining in* “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(Suddenly, my boss walks in the door. My coworker, the customer, and I all shut up and look embarrassed. The daughter doesn’t stop.)

Customer’s daughter: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

Boss: “When in Rome. BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

All three of us: “BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL!”

(My boss is still serious, but whenever that customer comes in, he starts screaming ‘BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL BAGEL’ over and over again!)

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Who’s The Boss, Part 2

| Buffalo, NY, USA | Working | September 10, 2012

(I’ve just started working at this bagel shop, and am making a breakfast wrap that I’d only just learned out how to make about 20 minutes prior. I carry it to the counter and started ringing the customer up when my boss walks up behind me.)

Boss: “What the f*** is that?”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

(He points to the wrap I’ve just made.)

Boss: “I said what. The f***. Is THAT?!”

Me: “Um, it’s the breakfast wrap?”

Boss: “How the f*** do you think this is wrapped correctly? Are you an idiot? Are you slooooooow or something?”

(At this point, my boss starts doing an offensive and horrible impression of a mentally disabled person.)

Boss: “Hurr dee durr, I’m too stupid to wrap a f***ing breakfast sandwich!”

(Keep in mind, the customer hasn’t paid yet and has watched the entire conversation. He is a regular and knows I am new.)

Customer: “Excuse me, but where do you get off talking to this young lady like that? It looks fine and is probably delicious. I don’t mind; she’ll get the hang of it.”

Boss: “Shut up, a**hole! You can’t tell me how to talk to my employees! If she’s a stupid c***, I’ll tell her. I can say anything I want to her. I pay her check!”

(My boss walks away, but I’m nearly hyperventilating from trying not to cry. I meekly take the customer’s money and give him his change and breakfast. He hands me a $5 tip and pats my hand.)

Customer: “It’s okay, honey. You’re doing a good job. Don’t let her get to you. I’ll take care of it.”

(This statement confused me, but I found out later what he meant by it. Apparently, the customer knew the District Manager quite well, and immediately called him up to complain about my boss. The next day, my boss was gone!)

 

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