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Honesty Against The Best Policies

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2009

(We have a five-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walks out with arms full of stuff, then goes back for more.)

Me: “Excuse me, it’s only five items in the changing rooms.”

Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at a sign on the wall*

Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”


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The Caffeine Makes Us Clingy

, , | Right | June 17, 2009

Me: “Hi! What can I do for you?”

Customer: “I’d like an iced grande breve.”

Me: “A latte?”

Customer: “I don’t have to say latte!”

Me: “I know what you mean, ma’am, but you should be careful. If you order that somewhere else, you might just get a cup of iced half and half.”

Customer: “I don’t have to order like that at [ice cream store]!

Me: “Ah–”

Customer: “They’re less needy at [ice cream store]! It takes too much effort to get what I want here! GROW UP!”

Feel The Burn, Pay For The Lawsuits

, , , , , | Right | June 15, 2009

(I work for a construction company that often works on residential streets. As we are working on one road, a woman steps under the caution tape and proceeds to walk through the construction zone.)

Me: “Excuse me, ma’am, but you’ll have to go around this area. I could give you an alternate–”

Woman: “NO!”

Me: “Uh, I’m afraid you have to. It’s against the law to go into construction zones.”

Woman: “CAN’T YOU SEE I’M GETTING MY F****** EXERCISE?!”

Me: “…”

Saving The Earth, 7 MPG At A Time

, , , | Right | June 11, 2009

(A customer comes up to the counter with her arms full of books. After I ring them all through, I proceed to put her books in a bag.)

Customer: “Actually, I don’t need a bag. I’m doing my part to save the environment!”

Me: “Oh, okay, then!”

(I hand her her receipt and wish her a nice day, but she doesn’t move.)

Customer: “Excuse me… aren’t you going to help me carry my books to my car?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m the only employee working here and there are other customers.”

Customer: “I beg your pardon? That’s rather rude! Help me carry my books to my car! They do it at grocery stores all the time. There is no reason why you can’t do it here!”

Me: “We don’t do that sort of thing here. If you want, you can bring back your bags. We’ll gladly re-use them.”

Customer: “No, I can’t do that! Now help me take my books to the car!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I just can’t leave the store unattended.”

Customer: “Fine! But if I drop my books and damage them, you’re giving me free replacements!”

(The customer scoops all her books up in her arms and storms out. I watch her walk all the way across to the other side of the parking lot, stop, and intentionally drop her books into a puddle. She stomps back in and barges her way to the front of the line.)

Customer: “See? Look what happened! Give me your phone right now! I am calling your managers and you’re going to get fired!”

Me: “All right, here is the number for our downtown store.”

(The customer picks up the store phone and begins dialing.)

Customer: “Yes, I need to speak with the manager right away… Yeah. I’m at your south store and your incompetent employee wouldn’t help me carry my books to my car. I dropped them and now they are ruined!… Well, yes… Yes, she did offer me bags… No, I’m not disabled… Yes, I’m aware that she’s the only… What?! I can’t believe this!”

(The customer hangs up the phone, defeated, and turns to me.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself! At least I’m saving the environment!”

(I watched her walk through the parking lot again and get into her vehicle. Ironically, it was a huge SUV.)


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It’s How Old Folks Say I Love You

, , , | Right | June 11, 2009

(I’m ringing up a young man’s order. There’s an older regular customer drinking coffee at a table across from our counter.)

Me: “Okay, your total comes to $5.63.”

Young Man: “Oh, all I have is $5. I left my wallet at home.”

Older Customer: “What’s he short, a dollar? Here, I’ll give him a dollar. Come here, kid.”

(The young man walks over to the older customer’s table to get the dollar.)

Young Man: “Thank you, thank you so–”

Older Customer: “WHY DON’T YOU GET A F***ING JOB?!”

Young Man: *runs out of the store*


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