(I am standing in a queue at a local coffee shop. The customer in front of me orders six or seven different drinks for his group and then moves to pay.)

Cashier: “That will be £24.”

Customer: *pays* “That is such a f****** rip-off!”

Cashier: “I’m terribly sorry about that; our prices are set by the company.”

Customer: *glares, and then spies the tip jar* “I was going to give you this.” *pulls out £10 note* “But you’re so f****** useless!” *rips £10 in half and places it in the tip jar*

(Come on! Who does that? Guess he didn’t know that banks will still accept two halves of a note. Whoops!)

(I go into work on what would have been my mother’s 60th birthday. We have a machine that makes blended coffee, and it has been broken for a few days while we wait on a repair guy to come fix it. Most customers are understanding. But this guy in the drive-through is a big exception.)

Me: “You may order whenever you’re ready.”

Customer: “I’d like [breakfast sandwich] and a medium [blended drink].”

Me: “I’m so sorry, sir, but the machine that makes those drinks for us is currently not working. Could I get you a different drink?”

(I list off the other drinks we have available.)

Customer: “Well, when I pulled up, your greeter said you had [blended beverage] for two dollars!”

Me: “Actually, sir, that price is for any of the small drinks from our cafe list. I just can’t serve you the [blended beverage] today because the machine is broken.”

Customer: “Well, f*** you! Have a nice day, b****!”

Me: *yelling* “Right back at you!”

(As he drives by my window he flips me off. I return the gesture. I then go to the store supervisor and tell her the whole exchange in case he decides to call and complain.)

Supervisor: “I know it’s a rough day for you. But when people are like that and they drive by in a huff, just give them your biggest smile and wave bye-bye.”

Me: “I did wave.”

Supervisor: “Next time do it with more than one finger.”

(Chicken leg quarters are a flyer special this week for 99 cents a pound. We have just opened Monday morning, following a busy weekend, and we ran out of the quarters on Sunday. The store is family-owned, and for whatever reason they don’t offer rain-checks.)

Customer: “Where are the chicken legs for 99 cents?”

Me: “I’m so sorry, but we’re sold out. There should be more in later today, but we don’t know when the truck will get here.”

Customer: “What?! It’s Monday morning! How can you not have it in stock on Monday morning?! That’s when everyone does their shopping!”

(I look around at the empty store and wonder what planet she’s from.)

Me: “Again, I’m sorry, but it does happen, unfortunately. Hopefully it won’t be too long before it arrives, but I don’t know for sure.”

(The woman continues to loudly complain to her friend and to me about how I personally should be ashamed of the fact that we ran out of the featured item. This goes on for several minutes. I continue to try to be sympathetic, but it’s getting difficult.)

Me: “It is disappointing, and I apologize for the inconvenience—”

Customer: “Never mind that; give me a rain-check.”

Me: *deep breath, because I know what’s coming* “I’m so sorry, but the store doesn’t give rain-checks.”

Customer: “What?! What do you mean?! You have to! You give me a rain-check right now!”

Me: “I don’t have any rain-checks to give you.”

Customer: “Well, get some!”

Me: “Look, ma’am: it’s not in my power to do that. The store doesn’t give rain-checks.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

(I have actually asked this, and the only answer I ever got was, “Because Mr. [Owner] doesn’t want to.”)

Me: “I don’t know; it’s their business decision. You could try asking at the customer service desk.”

Customer: *preparing to storm off* “I will!”

(I’m breathing a sigh of relief, as I now think she’s somebody else’s problem, but she stops before leaving, and turns back to me.)

Customer: “How much will I be able to get on the rain-check they give me?”

Me: *groans internally* “I’m sorry, ma’am, but they’re not going to give you a rain-check.”

Customer: “WHAT?! You have to give it to me! IT’S MY RIGHT!”

(I wonder where the right to rain-checks appears in the Charter of Rights and Freedoms, while the woman berates me at length. I offer to get the manager, but she ignores me. Finally…)

Me: “You are arguing with someone who has absolutely no authority. You can keep yelling at me if it makes you feel better, but it isn’t going to change anything.”

(This finally shuts her up.)

Me: “If you would like to make a complaint about store policy, or about me, the place to do it is at the customer service desk.”

(She walked away, complaining bitterly to her friend the whole time. I heard later that she kicked up a huge fuss at customer service, who called the meat manager over to talk to her. I really wish I could have been there to see that, because he is notorious for being snippy with customers. At any rate, she left without a rain-check, and I never heard a word of complaint from my boss.)

(I work as a barista at a well-known coffee shop in the area. We sell not only specialty drinks but merchandise, as well, which is displayed in the cafe area for customers to pick up. One day an elderly Caucasian women walks into the store and comes up to the register. She seems like a very sweet lady.)

Me: “Hey, how can I help you today?”

Elderly Customer: “I would like to get [Product], please.”

(With all the noise of the machines behind me I misheard her. I thought she wanted a cup of brewed coffee.)

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am. We don’t have that roast available today. Would you like [Coffee]?”

Elderly Customer: “Oh, no. I don’t want a drink. I would like a pound of [Product].”

Me: *finally hearing what she said this time* “Oh, okay. The [Product] is behind you on the shelves.”

(The elderly woman turns around and looks at it and then stares at me for about 20 seconds. She then goes from staring at me to glaring at me.)

Me: “Is everything okay?”

Elderly Customer: “Well… Do you expect me to get it myself?”

Me: *a look of shock comes over my face* “Well, yes, ma’am. That is why the [Product] is displayed out in the lobby.”

(The woman furiously turns around and grabs the [Product] that she wants and slams it on the counter. By this point five people have showed up and are waiting in line.)

Me: “Would you like me to grind this [Product] for you?” *trying to keep a smile on my face*

Elderly Customer: *sarcastically* “No! I’m just going to stick the whole [Product] in my coffee maker and see what comes out! Of course I want you to grind it!” *under her breather* “Idiot.”

Me: “Now, there is no need for that, ma’am.”

(I grab the [Product] and scan it into the register and she swipes her card and takes her receipt.)

Me: “Now, what kind of filter do you use at home?”

Elderly Customer: “What? What does that have to do with anything?”

Me: “Well, in order for you to make your [Product] at home and not get the grounds in your cup, it needs to be ground to a certain coarseness. What kind of coffee filter do you use?”

Elderly Customer: “Why can’t you just grind the coffee and shut up?!”

(I am now fed up with this old b****, so I get my coworker from the back, making her aware of the situation.)

Coworker: “Ma’am, what kind of filter do you use? I would hate for you to take home a bad [Product].”

Elderly Customer: “Fine! I use a metal filter.”

(My coworker and I look at each other, as we have never dealt with grinding for a metal filter. Also, our [Product] grinder has settings on it, but half of them are faded beyond recognition. I try to look at them but can only make out a few.)

Coworker: “Do you know if that is similar to a coarse grind or a fine grind?”

Elderly Customer: “I don’t know! It’s just a standard [Coffee Maker] metal filter.”

(Having already been fed up with this customer, I open the bag and throw the [Product] in the grinder.)

Me: “Well, we have never had to grind for that before. Do you know if it is on the coarser side?”

Elderly Customer: “Why are you asking me these stupid questions?! This is your job. You are suppose to know this! Or are you two just dumb buffoons who forgot everything that they trained you on?!”

(Now I am mad, so I set the grind to the coarsest it can be and turn it on.)

Coworker: “Excuse me, ma’am, but that is not acceptable. We are trying to help you out here.”

Elderly Customer: *shouts* “How dare you speak to me that way?! I am leaving and going to the [Competitor] coffee shop. You can forget about getting my service again!”

Coworker: *sarcastically* “Aww, you will be sorely missed! Please don’t come back!”

(The elderly lady grabs her purse and starts walking towards the door.)

Coworker: *leans over counter and shouts* “Oh, and ma’am?”

(The elderly lady turns around. I think that my coworker is going to tell her to grab the [Product] that I have just ground, but she says this instead.)

Coworker: “Please, don’t let the door hit you on the way out. I really don’t want to clean your a** print off of it.”

(Everyone in the shop, having witnessed this scene, starts to laugh. The elderly lady turns back around and slams the door.)

Me: “Okay, I can take the next guest at the register.”

Other Customer: “Hey, I am sorry you had to had to deal with that.”

Me: “Thank you.” *I turn around and grab the $15 bag of [Product] and put it on the register* “Would you like a free bag of ground coffee? That lady just left it here. I don’t think she will be coming back for it and I would hate for it to go to waste.”

(I work in the arrears department for a major energy supplier. Customers have two options to clear their debt: they can either set up a monthly payment plan, or they can have a prepayment meter fitted. I have a customer come through who has not paid anything for over a year. We are due to go to court for a warrant soon. I talk her through her options and she decides to go for a prepayment meter. I begin looking at the appointments available.)

Me: “The earliest appointment I have is [date]. You can either have it between 9:00 am and 12:00 pm, 12:00 pm and 4:00 pm, or 4:00 pm and 8:00 pm. Which would you prefer?”

Customer: “Can I have nine?”

Me: “You want the nine until 12 slot; is that right?”

Customer: “No, I want nine.”

Me: “We can’t do appointments for specific times. We can only do them in blocks.”

Customer: “But I want him to come at nine!”

Me: “I’m sorry, but we can’t guarantee exact times because the engineer will be going on lots of different jobs that day, and it is hard to know how long each one will take. I can get the engineer to call you when he is on his way, if you’d like.”

Customer: “No, that’s not good enough. I want nine! I’m not waiting in for four hours. I’m busy.”

(It’s actually three hours, but I decide it’s not worth correcting the customer.)

Me: “It doesn’t have to be you. Do you have somebody over 18 who can wait in on your behalf, like a friend or family member?”

Customer: “I’m not making anyone else wait four hours. The engineer will get there at nine!”

Me: “I’m afraid I can’t guarantee that.”

Customer: “Well, I’m at work that day and can’t take time off.”

Me: “There are other days available. Is there a day that is best for you?”

Customer: “I can do any day at nine.”

Me: “Again, madam, I am very sorry, but as I explained, I cannot guarantee you a time like that. I appreciate that slot appointments can be inconvenient, but I will do my best to find one that works for you. We have appointments throughout the day if you are working, and we also have Saturday appointments.”

Customer: “I work Saturdays.”

Me: “Then, perhaps an evening slot would be better? We have four until eight.”

Customer: “No. I’m working then.”

Me: “Okay, then. Would a morning slot be better?”

Customer: “I’m working then, too.”

Me: “Do you have a day off?”

Customer: “No. Just give me the nine appointment!”

(At the time, I am working two jobs, and I understand the hardships of extended working hours, so I tell the customer to hold while I contact the engineer to see if there is anything he can do, or at the very least see if he can check his schedule and give a better idea of when he might be there. I explain the situation to the engineer, and he says he can adjust the route so she is one of the first he sees. He also offers to call the customer when he is on his way.)

Me: “Thank you for holding. I spoke to the engineer. He says he will put you to the top of his list. He can’t guarantee he’ll be there at nine, but he says he will be there sometime between nine and ten. He also said he would call you when he is on his way.”

Customer: “So, he’ll be there at nine?”

Me: “No, he will be there between nine and ten. As I explained, I cannot guarantee a specific time.”

Customer: “Okay. Book the appointment.”

(I go ahead and book the appointment. I reiterate to the customer that the engineer is coming between nine and ten, not necessarily at nine. She says she understands and even says that waiting one hour is better than waiting for four. At the end, I give the usual warning about missed appointment fees. I also remind her that warrant action will not be halted, so if she misses this appointment, we might not get another one before the court date, and if we go to court, fees will be added to her account. The customer is fine with this. Fast forward to the day before her appointment. I call the engineer to remind him of our agreement. He confirms the customer has been moved up. The next day, however, the engineer calls and explains that the customer didn’t answer the door. He knocked on both the back and front doors and got no response, but he could hear noise inside and thought somebody might be home. When he tried calling the customer, they didn’t answer, but he heard a cell phone ringing in the house. I thank him for letting me know and for making the effort, and make a note on the account. A week later, a colleague asks to speak to me. The customer has called up, furious, claiming that the engineer never showed up and that I lied to her. I tell my colleague to pass the customer to me.)

Me: “Hello, [Customer]. You’re speaking to [My Name]. I’m the one who arranged your appointment. My colleague says you told him the engineer didn’t show up. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yes, that’s right. He didn’t, and now I’ve got a missed appointment fee. You can take that off right now, and I want you to cancel that court date. It’s not my fault the engineer didn’t bother to turn up.”

Me: “The engineer contacted me that morning and explained that he knocked on the door, but nobody answered. He also tried calling you and you never picked up the phone.”

Customer: “Well, of course I didn’t answer the door! It was 9:15! He was supposed to be there at nine! If he can’t be bothered to be there on time, I’m not going to let him in.”

Me: “Madam, I explained to you that the engineer could not be there at exactly nine. I told you it would be between nine and ten.”

Customer: “No, you promised me he’d be there at nine!”

Me: “I can assure you, I didn’t.”

Customer: “Well, it’s your word against mine.”

Me: “Our calls are recorded. I can prove I told you several times.”

(The customer goes quiet for a moment before speaking again.)

Customer: “Can I make another appointment?”

Me: “I’ll see what we have, but it might not be until after the court date.”

(I check, and the customer is in luck; the earliest appointment is the day before the court date.)

Me: “I have managed to find an appointment the day before the court date, but it is almost fully booked. The only slot I have is from four to eight.”

Customer: “Can’t you do nine?”

Me: “As I have explained before, we cannot do set times. I can only give you time slots, and the only one left is between four and eight.”

Customer: “Well, that’s not good. I can’t wait in then.”

Me: “I’m afraid that at this point your only options are to clear your balance in full, wait in on that date, get a friend or relative over 18 to wait in for you, or wait for the warrant. However, as I warned you before, if a meter is fitted following a warrant, you will be charged court fees, which will be added to your debt.”

(At this, the customer pitched a fit, blaming me, telling me I was incompetent and that I should be fired, and that it was not her fault. She then demanded to speak to my manager. I put her through. A while later my manager advised me that after much back and forth, the customer agreed to the appointment the day before the court date. Unsurprisingly, she missed it. Not only that, but she wasn’t in for the warrant appointment, either. She still got the meter, though; a warrant allowed us to call a locksmith to drill her locks to gain access to the property. This means that not only did she have court fees, two missed appointment fees, and locksmith fees, but she would also have had to drive to the depot to pick up the keys to the new locks so she could get in.)