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Perhaps The Wolves Are Still Available To Babysit Tonight…

, , , | Right | March 23, 2009

Customer: *with child in tow* “Excuse me, do you work here?”

Me: “Yes, can I help you find something?”

Customer: “There’s no one in your children’s department.”

Me: “Ma’am?”

Customer: “There’s usually one of you people in the kids’ department.”

Me: “Yes, our lead children’s zoning person called out today.”

Customer: “Well, then, just who is supposed to watch the children?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, what do you mean?”

Customer: “Who’s going to watch the children? I leave my little girl over there while I shop, and I expect someone to watch her.”

Me: “…”

Customer: In your children’s department. The DAYCARE.”

Me: “Ma’am… we don’t have a daycare.”

Customer: “…” *walks away*

Introducing The Xbox Air

, , , | Right | March 23, 2009

(It is the holiday season that the Xbox 360 comes out.)

Me: “Hello, ma’am. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I would like to purchase the ‘Box 360.'”

Me: “Oh, the Xbox 360. Well, unfortunately, we do not have any more left in store to sell you.”

Customer: *pointing at display box* “Then what is this? Are you lying to me? Is it because I’m old that you think you can get away with this?!”

Me: “No, ma’am. Those boxes are for display purposes only.”

Customer: “Well, I want one right now.”

Me: “We don’t have any in stock, but I can special order one for–”

Customer: “Now, listen here, you idiot! I see this box right here and I want to buy my son the Box 360!”

Me: “Ma’am, I can’t sell you a display box. The only thing I can do is special order you one. However, I can guarantee it will be there before Christmas.”

Customer: “I will take this Box 360 and I am not paying for it!”

(The customer suddenly throws the display box, resulting in security coming over.)

Me: *to the little boy with her* “Is she usually like that?”

Little Boy: “Yes, and if she would listen, I wanted a PS2!”


This story is part of the Christmas Day roundup!

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Always Right, Even When They’re Not Your Customer

, , , | Right | March 23, 2009

Caller: “I’m having a problem with this adapter. Can you help me out?”

Me: “I can certainly try. Can you describe it for me?”

Caller: “Well, it hooks up to a TV and it has these two things coming off of it… I don’t really know how to explain it.”

Me: “Well… maybe you can tell me what it does? I can go and grab a box off of the shelf and take a look at it.”

Caller: “I still have the package. Would it help if I read off the model number?”

Me: “That would be great.”

(The customer reads me a model number that is longer than anything I have ever seen in my department and it occurs to me…)

Me: “Sir, I don’t recognize that number. Did you buy this adapter at our store?”

Caller: “No, you guys didn’t have it so I went to Circuit City instead.”

Me: “Sir, I cannot help you with an item we don’t sell.”

Caller: “Well, THANKS a LOT!” *click*


This story is part of the Unrealistic-Expectations roundup!

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Now Serving: Poopsicles

, , | Right | March 19, 2009

(We’re nearby a retirement community. An old man who looks lost wanders into our grocery store.)

Me: “Can I help you, sir?”

Old Man: “Yes, I’m looking for the bathroom… Oh, here it is!”

(He opens a freezer door and proceeds to pull down his pants.)

Me: “SIR, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

(The old man takes a dump right in the freezer.)

Old Man: “That’s cold… Where’s the toilet paper?”

Me: “I really, really, really need a break!”

(Sadly, this was not the first time this happened.)

Inconvenience Saves The Day

, , , , | Right | March 18, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Pay Per View. This is [My Name] speaking. How can I help you?”

Customer: “Uh, yeah… I, uh, used up all my credit, and I need you to give me some more.”

Me: “You can purchase credit on our website, or through the automated system on the phone. Would you like assistance with either of those?”

Customer: *yelling* “NO! WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?! YOU SAYING I’M STUPID?!”

Me: “Um, no… I was just offering to–”

Customer: “WELL, NOW I WANT IT FREE! I DEMAND £20 FREE CREDIT!”

Me: “I can’t just hand out free credit like that; that’s not how it works. If you have a complaint, I can transfer you to that department–”

Customer: “NO!” *suddenly quiet* “Where is your office located?”

Me: “We’re in [Location].”

Customer: “RIGHT! I’M GONNA COME DOWN THERE AND F*** YOU UP! I KNOW YOUR NAME, F***HEAD! I’LL F****** FIND YOU!”

Me: “…”

Customer: “Wait, where is [Location], exactly?”

Me: “Um… about an hour out of the city by bus or car.”

Customer: “What?! Really? That far? Nah… I’ll probably leave it so. Thanks anyway. Bye.” *hangs up*