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No ID, No Idea, Part 3

, , , , | Right | February 16, 2011

(A customer is trying to pay with an unsigned card.)

Me: “Ma’am, since your credit card is not signed I will need to see your ID.”

Customer: “Well, I don’t have it. I left it with someone at [Department Store] because they’re signing me up for one of their credit cards. Can’t you just put it through?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, no. Do you have another form of payment?”

Customer: “Oh, for God’s sake! This is ridiculous! I’ll be right back!” *storms off*

(Because she has already put a gift card toward the purchase, I have to wait several minutes for my busy manager to come and cancel the transaction before I can ring any other customers. The customer’s signature is still on the pad when she returns.)

Customer: “Fine! Here’s my ID! And you left my signature up on the screen for anyone to see!”

Me: “I assure you, no one else approached the register while you were gone.”

Customer: “Someone could have stolen my identity!”

Me: “But you left your ID and social security number with a stranger in another store?”


This story is part of our Identity Theft roundup!

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More Truffle Than It’s Worth

, , , , | Right | February 10, 2011

Customer: “I’ll take the southwestern burger, but absolutely no mushrooms. I’m allergic to mushrooms.”

(I go back to the kitchen to let the cook know of the allergy. This means they have to clean every cooking utensil and grill that may have touched a mushroom. After stopping service  for ten minutes to clean, the cook lets me know of some complications.)

Me: “Ma’am, we’ve removed all allergens from the cooking area but the cook has let me know that the bun for your burger is toasted on the same toaster as the mushroom focaccia and can’t be cleaned. We can grill it on the grill for you instead?”

Customer: “That’s fine. No mushrooms. I’m allergic.”

(I return to the kitchen, and the cook is meticulously going through our ingredients to make sure no other issues arise. He finds another.)

Me: “Ma’am, sorry to bother you again. But the salsa on your burger doesn’t list all of the ingredients so better safe than sorry; we didn’t put the salsa on the burger.”

Customer: “Why not? I want the salsa!”

Me: “But it probably has chopped mushrooms.”

Customer: “I don’t care. I’m not really allergic. I just really don’t like them.”

(The cook nearly killed me when I went back to tell him.)


This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!

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You (Could Have) Had Me At Hello

, , , , | Right | February 3, 2011

(I’m an employee stocking the shelf at one end of an aisle. A customer enters at the far end by the milk and is coughing constantly.)

Customer: *coughs*

(I briefly glance over. She’s staring at the milk.)

Customer: *coughs again*

(There’s a long pause. She’s still staring at the milk.)

Customer: *loud coughing*

(I turn to see if she is covering her mouth, but instead, see her charging down the aisle at me.)

Customer: “What is wrong with you?! I’ve been coughing to get your attention down there for five minutes! ”

Me: “Ma’am, I glanced over at you several times. You never looked at me.”

Customer: “Oh, yes I did! What does a person have to do here, fall on the floor and have a seizure to get some milk?!”


This story is part of the Customers Expecting Mind-Readers roundup!

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Backwards Driving, Loopy Logic

, , , , , | Right | February 3, 2011

(I work in a store with a donut-shaped, one-way parking lot.)

Customer: “Your parking lot is way too dangerous! I was trying to go for a spot and someone came the other way. There was no space to get around each other! What if we crashed?”

Me: “Which way did you go when you entered the lot? Straight or to the right?”

Customer: “I went straight, towards the doors! What does that matter?”

Me: “Well, everyone is supposed to go one way in the parking lot to avoid that kind of situation.”

Customer: “Then that idiot was going the wrong way! Someone should be out there monitoring the lot!”

Me: “Actually, ma’am, you’re supposed to turn right when you enter the parking lot. Everyone moves in a counter-clockwise direction.”

Customer: “And I’m supposed to just know that? The road should be marked!”

Me: “It is, ma’am.”

Customer: “It certainly is not!”

(I lead the customer to a window overlooking the lot and the customer sees enormous white arrows painted the entire way through, showing which way to go.)

Customer: “What, you expect me to be looking at the road when I drive!?”


This story is part of our bad driver roundup!

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Your Argument Doesn’t Hold Water

, , , , , | Right | February 2, 2011

(At the college bookstore where I work, students can sell their books back for cash at the end of the semester.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I won’t be able to buy your textbook back because of the water damage.”

(I flip through the book’s crinkled, sticky pages.)

Student: “Oh, it’s okay. It’s not water damage, it’s humidity. I went on vacation to Missouri and it was humid.”

Me: “I still can’t take your book back because I cannot sell this to another student in this condition.”

Student: “But it’s not water damage! It’s humidity! The humidity made the pages stick together!”

Me: “Ma’am, what is humidity?”

Student: “Water, duh!”

(There’s a pause while the wheels begin to turn in her head.)

Student: “Oh… can you help me find my other books, then?”