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Doesn’t Fit Well With Me

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2015

(My mom knows the coupon troubles I have with other customers, and as a result, knows our coupon policies well. She is shopping during the Black Friday weekend when this happens.)

Customer In Front Of My Mother: “Have you heard about the $10-off coupon?

Mother: “Yes, but I don’t have it with me. It’s no big deal.”

Customer In Front Of My Mother: “Neither do I, but if you throw a big enough fit, the cashier will just give it to you!”


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The Parrot Sketch, Part Two

, , , , | Right | May 27, 2015

(I volunteer at a thrift store that donates its money to cancer research. All we sell are donated objects. A middle-aged man comes in with a big birdcage filled with five live parrots.)

Me: “Excuse me, sir! We can’t take live animals.”

Customer: “Oh, it’s okay. My babies are very well-behaved.”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but it’s really not an option.”

Customer: *suddenly angry* “Listen, a**hole, you have to take these flying s***ters, because I’m sick of cleaning up poop!”

Me: “I’m sorry—”

Customer: “BE FREE, BIRDS!”

(He then opened the cage and all the birds flew out. My manager, two other coworkers, and I all scrambled around trying to capture them, sustaining many bites and scratches. By the time we did, two hours later, the man had gone. My manager had to then find a shelter that would take all the animals, and we all had to stay three hours late cleaning up bird crap.)


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Hard As Nails

, , , | Working | May 25, 2015

(I am going to a new nail salon in the mall for a manicure. The nail technician is clipping away with nail clippers very fast, and cuts into my skin.)

Me: “Ouch!”

Nail Technician: “Sorry!” *keeps cutting rapidly into my skin, causing it to bleed*

Me: “Ouch! OW!”

Nail Technician: “Sorry!” *now uses a nail file on my cut and bleeding nail bed*

Me: “Ow! Stop!” *snatches my hand away*

Nail Technician: *annoyed* “I said sorry already! Beauty is pain, you know, so stop complaining!”

Me: “Excuse me?”

(She says nothing else and finishes my manicure. I am dying to get out of there, and I go up to pay. My poor fingernails are still bleeding and throbbing. She follows me.)

Nail Technician: “You know, you should really wax off that mustache! We have good prices for waxing!”

Me: *glare*

(Needless to say, she didn’t get a tip, and I didn’t go back. Last I heard, it was made into a clothing store!)


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Lacks A Homely Reception

, , , , | Right | April 20, 2015

(I live under a dentist’s office and in the same complex as several other doctor’s offices and medical buildings. I am sleeping, only to be woken up to the sounds of someone try to open, then pounding on my door. Standing there is an elderly man, who tells me he is looking for [Doctor]’s office.)

Me: *as politely as someone who’s been woken up from a deep sleep can be* “I’m sorry, sir, this is actually an apartment. Maybe your doctor is in the front of the building?”

(Instead of just leaving he becomes irate.)

Elderly Man: “You just want to go home early, don’t you? That’s why you won’t see me!”

(He tries to force his way into my apartment, getting the door wide enough to look inside.)

Elderly Man: “You need take more pride in your waiting area and make it look more professional. This looks like some crappy apartment!”

(After going back and forth with him I finally slam the door on him and tell him firmly:)

Me: “I am not a receptionist! You’re trying to force your way into my home and if you do not leave now I’ll be calling the cops.”

Elderly Man: *yelling* “I’ll make sure you’re fired for this! [Doctor] would never let such lazy trash run his office!”

(And with a kick to my door he disappeared to bother someone else.)

In Line And Out Of Line, Part 4

, , , , , , | Right | March 6, 2015

(I’m working as a cashier on Black Friday. A man cuts to the front of the line with an armful of clothing.)

Me: “Uh, sir, you’ll have to go to the back of the line. I’m sorry.”

Rude Customer: “F*** that! No way I’m waiting that long! Just make it quick!”

Me: “No, sir. You just cut the line, and I won’t serve you.”

Rude Customer: “Oh, f*** you! Just do your job already! You’re only making this take longer!”

(At this point, the customer he cut in front of, a man in his early 20s, speaks up, quietly and calmly.)

Calm Customer: “Just go back and wait in line, man. Stop being a d**k.”

Rude Customer: “F*** y-”

(The rude customer rounds on the calm one as he speaks, raising his hand in what may or may not have been an attempt at a backhand. Regardless, the calm customer catches his arm, twists it, and slams the rude customer’s face into the counter hard enough for it to make an audible thunk through the clothes. The entire time, the calm customer remains stone-faced.)

Rude Customer: “Ow! A**hole! Lemme go! You can’t do this!”

Calm Customer: “Texas law says I can use lethal force if I’m attacked.”

(He twists the man’s arm a little more, causing him to cry out.)

Calm Customer: “You don’t want that, do you?”

Rude Customer: “Ow! No! Just lemme go!”

Calm Customer: “Where are you going to go?”

Rude Customer: “Back of the line! Back of the line!”

Calm Customer: “And are you going to be patient? And polite?”

Rude Customer: “Yeah, man! Sure!”

Calm Customer: “Apologize to the nice young lady, now.”

Rude Customer: *starting to cry slightly* “I’m sorry! I’m sorrryyyyy!”

(The calm customer released the rude one, who almost looked like he was going to attack again. One look at the calm customer’s completely emotionless face seemed to make him think twice, though, and he grabbed his clothes and scampered back to the end of the line.)

 Related:
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 3
In Line And Out Of Line, Part 2
In Line And Out Of Line


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