Right Working Romantic Related Learning Friendly Healthy Legal Inspirational Unfiltered

Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Consumer

, , , | Right | July 14, 2009

(I was closing one night, and it was slow. A nervous-looking man came in and went to go order his drink.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get for you this evening?”

Customer: “Um… yes. Can I get a coffee?”

Me: “Okay, anything else tonight?”

Customer: “Yes…” *takes out a piece of paper* “An iced venti unsweetened black tea.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $4.30.”

Customer: *frowns* “How much is the iced tea?”

Me: “It’s $2.28… do you want me to take it off?”

Customer: “No… you see, I’m on a blind date. My date told me that her regular drink at [Coffee Shop] was this iced tea… and also that the price of the iced tea is her weight.”

There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

, , , | Right | July 14, 2009

(I’m eating lunch at the front desk of our framing shop when I get called to the back. When I return to the front, I notice a customer standing in front of my sandwich at the desk.)

Customer: “Hi.”

Me: “Good afternoon. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No.” *stares at my sandwich*

Me: “Well, are you in need of assistance?”

(The woman suddenly snatches up my sandwich.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s my lunch. Please give it back to me.”

Customer: “I was walking by and I got hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a deli down the street. Please do not eat my lunch.”

Customer: “But it was on the counter. That means it’s complimentary! It’s my sandwich and I’m going to eat it.”

(At this point, my coworker comes out the back.)

Coworker: *to me* “Isn’t that your lunch?”

Customer: “It’s my lunch now! MINE.” *starts eating the sandwich* “This has MAYONNAISE in it!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Ham and mayo.”

Customer: “I hate mayonnaise! It looks and tastes like sperm!” *throws my sandwich on the floor and runs out the door*

Me: “…What just happened?”

Have Customer, Will Poke

, , , | Right | July 13, 2009

(At the museum where I work, I see a patron knocking on one of our replicas with his knuckles.)

Patron: *to wife* “Hey, look, honey. This here is a replica!” *knocks again*

Me: “Sir, please don’t touch that.”

Patron: “But it’s a replica, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yes, it is, but we still ask that you don’t touch it.”

Patron: “Well, it’s not under a glass case, which means that it is not valuable. I have every right to touch it.”

Me: “No, actually–”

Patron: “Yes! If I see something that’s not cased, it means I can touch it, AND I WILL TOUCH IT!”

Clandestine Calorie Cutters

, , | Right | July 10, 2009

Customer #1: “Do you have any sugar-free ice cream?”

Customer #2: “Yeah, that a diabetic can eat?”

(The two spend the next five minutes sampling almost every frozen yogurt we have and inquiring into the sugar content of everything. I went along with it, not wanting to put someone in a diabetic coma or anything.)

Customer #2: “Okay, we’ll take two of the blueberry pomegranate yogurt on sugar cones.”

Me: “You’re aware that sugar cones contain sugar, right?”

Customer #2: “Oh, we’re not really diabetic; we just didn’t want you to sneak us something fattening.”


This story is part of our roundup about people lying about their health!

Read the next story in this roundup here!

Read the roundup itself here!


This story is part of our Ice Cream roundup!

Want to read the next story? Click here!

Want to see the roundup? Click here!

One More Puke On The Path To Recovery

, , , , | Right | July 8, 2009

(I’m a female working in a gas station and it’s close to midnight. The customer is obviously drunk, which means I can’t sell him alcohol.)

Customer: “You’re the kind of pretty thing I’m not allowed to touch.

(He proceeds to our beer cooler and takes one bottle out of a six-pack.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t sell you that for two reasons. One, you are obviously drunk and store policy says you can’t buy alcohol. Two, if you were sober it would have to be the whole six-pack or nothing.”

Customer: *stares at me for 30 seconds and then pukes on his coat*

Customer: “Am I sober enough now?”


This story is part of our Grossest Customers Ever roundup!

Read the next Grossest Customers Ever roundup story!

Read the Grossest Customers Ever roundup!