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Concentrate Before You Assume

, , , , , , , , | Working | December 2, 2017

(A coworker and I are looking at the schedule.)

Coworker: “[My Name], your last name is unusual. Where’s it from?”

Me: “Germany, but—”

Coworker: “Oh, so your family were Nazis, huh? Going to lock me up for being gay? You guys suck!”

Me: “I don’t know if my family were Nazis; let me ask my ancestors. Oh, wait! I can’t, because they were killed in camps. What I was trying to say is that my last name is German, but we come from Poland. My family are Ashkenazi Jews. Hmm, Jews, huh? Still think my family were Nazis? You need to watch what you say!”

Coworker: “I am so sorry!” *quickly walks away*

(I didn’t think it warranted being reported to HR, but I told the supervisor who had a talk with her.)

Knows How To Make An Entrance

, , , , , , | Working | December 1, 2017

(I live in a “garden” apartment complex and my building has ten units. Two of the apartments, mine and one other, have private entrances to the outside, and the other eight are accessed through a common entrance where you have to buzz in. One night my wife and I have just put our newborn son to bed when there is a loud thump on the front door.)

Voice Outside: “WHAT THE H***? WHY IS THIS LOCKED?!”

(There’s more loud banging, almost like someone is trying to break the door in. I look out the window and there’s a pizza delivery guy apparently trying to shoulder down my door.)

Me: *through the door* “What are you doing?”

Delivery Guy: “Oh! I have your pizza.”

Me: “I didn’t order a pizza.”

Delivery Guy: “Is this [address]?”

Me: “Yes, but I didn’t order a pizza. What apartment is it for?”

Delivery Guy: “[Apartment Number upstairs] for [Neighbor].”

(I crack open the door to talk to him but keep the chain in place.)

Me: “You’ve got the wrong apartment; that’s upstairs.”

Delivery Guy: “But I need to get in! Let me in.”

Me: “The door is on the other side of the building. They’ll buzz you in.”

Delivery Guy: “Can’t I just come through this way?” *he leans his shoulder against the door again*

Me: “This is my apartment; I’m not letting you cut through my apartment to deliver somebody else a pizza.”

Delivery Guy: “Why not?”

Me: “I’m just not. Go to the other door.”

Delivery Guy: “Fine, you can explain to your neighbor that you won’t let me deliver their pizza.”

(He got back in his car and drove off, making no attempt to go to the main entrance. I talked to my upstairs neighbor later that week. Apparently the delivery guy told them that the doorman wouldn’t let them in. We don’t have a doorman.)

Promotionals Promote Them To Full Crazy

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2017

(I work at a fast food restaurant. We do promotions every few months. We just ended one of our longer running promotions. I have a bit of a line, and after a minute am able to help the next guest.)

Me: “Hi, how are you today? What can I get for you?”

Customer: “Can I get [promotional item that ended]?”

Me: “I’m sorry; we don’t carry that anymore, as it was promotional. I have [similar item] that I can offer.”

Customer: “WHAT? THIS [PROMOTIONAL ITEM] HAS BEEN HERE FOREVER! F*** YOU GUYS!”

(She then proceeded to storm out of the store, leaving everyone in the restaurant to just gaze at the door, wondering what happened.)

Will Take Up This “Urgent Issue” With HR

, , , , , | Working | November 30, 2017

(One Saturday evening, I send a joke email to two of my friends in the office. The email explains that a client is freaking out about an urgent issue that my friend needs to attend to. Attached to it is a video, but instead if being a real problem, it is of a certain male video game character getting dressed in skimpy underwear. Once my coworkers get the joke, they begin “asking for help” by forwarding this email throughout the company, all the way up to the CEO. On the following Monday:)

Friend: “Hey, did you hear about [Colleague #1]?”

Me: “No, what happened?”

Friend: “Turns out he was out that evening with friends, and had to ditch them for half an hour to try and see that video.”

Me: “Oh, no; that’s terrible!”

Friend: “And have you heard about [Colleague #2]?”

(At this point I’m gritting my teeth.)

Friend: “He was on a date, and left her to go home and help out.”

Leave Your Trash (TV) On Our Desk

, , , , | Right | November 30, 2017

(I am down in the laundry room getting towels when a guest is getting checked in, so I have no interaction with him. When I get back, I notice he has left his payment card at the desk, so I walk around to the back to give it back to him.)

Me: “Are you [Guest]?”

Guest: “Uh… Yes?”

Me: *hands him his card*

Guest: “OH! Oh, thank God! THANK GOD! HAHAHA!”

Me: “Haha, yeah, bad thing to leave behind.”

Guest: “HA! Oh, man! Thank God! I thought you were with Cheaters! Oh, thank God! “

Me: “…”