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Need To Slim Down Their Patient List A Little

, , , | Right | September 5, 2017

(My mum is a doctor at a local general practitioner. She is currently on maternity leave, but comes into the GP to pick up a prescription. She bumps into a regular.)

Regular: “[Mum], wow, you’ve really slimmed down.”

Mum: “Oh, thanks! I’ve had my—”

Regular: “You’ll just put it on again though. You fatties always do. You do some stupid diet that makes you lose it super quick—” *laughs* “—then you put it all on again, and then some. Really, you should try something more permanent! You were obese!”

Mum: “…I was pregnant.”

Regular: *unashamed* “Really! What was it?”

Mum: “Two boys.”

Regular: “Well, I’ll be. I just thought you were fat! No wonder my complaints weren’t taken seriously.”

Mum: “Complaints?”

Regular: “Every time I came by, I would complain about your size. It’s so unhealthy, being a doctor AND obese!” *leaves*

(My mum asked about the complaints, and it turns out that HR withheld them because of her pregnancy. No one bothered to correct the regular. She managed to get hold of some of the complaints, and there were so abhorrent she refuses to let me see them. My mum’s looking for somewhere else to work once she comes off maternity.)

Dying For This Job

, , | Right | September 4, 2017

(I work in customer service for a phone company and a customer calls in to see where the technician assigned to his service installation is.)

Customer: “Hi. A technician was supposed to be here between one pm and three pm. It is now 3:30 pm and no one has showed up.”

Me: “I’ll check with dispatch and see what I can find out for you, sir.”

(I call dispatch to inquire on the order and receive some grim news. I go back to my customer.)

Me: “I have some terrible news, sir. The technician assigned to your order was in a motor vehicle accident about an hour ago, and was fatally injured.”

Customer: *with nasty tone of voice* “Well, then bloody well send another technician!”

Me: *briefly freezing from the sheer lack of compassion on the part of the customer, and then switching right to nasty mode* “Sir, this is our busy season, and the company is not in the habit of keeping spare technicians handy in case one gets killed on the job.”

Customer: “…f*** you!” *click*

This Is An Ugly That Surgery Can’t Fix

, , , , | Friendly | September 4, 2017

(I’m in a plastic surgery center, waiting to be called back. I’m flipping through a book, and the woman next to me keeps glancing at me.)

Woman: “Going for surgery, too?”

Me: “Hopefully.”

Woman: *nods to my chest* “Aren’t they big enough?”

Me: “That would be why I’m here: to make them smaller.”

Woman: “What does your husband think of that? He might not stay if you do that. Might leave you for a REAL woman. Maybe you should focus on that big tummy of yours first.”

Me: “My wife was actually the one to first suggest a reduction. So, are you here about that botched face-lift? Don’t worry; I’m sure they can fix it.”

(She stomped off, fuming. My wife returned from her coffee hunt and nearly spit it out with laughter when I told her.)

Fostering Some Parental Resentment

, , , , | Related | September 4, 2017

(I am having lunch with a few of my fellow students at a local college. I am the youngest, at 21, while the others range from their 20s to their 50s. The discussion turns to vacations.)

Woman #1: “I can’t wait until the kids are older so that [Husband] and I can finally start taking romantic getaways or do a big overseas vacation.” *Her kids are early teens.*

Woman #2: “Why not just go now?” *Her kids are grown with their own children.*

Woman #1: “I don’t feel right about leaving my kids with anyone, and we can’t afford to take everyone.”

Woman #2: “That’s ridiculous. When my kids were young and I felt I needed a break, I just had them put into foster care.”  

Woman #1: “You did what?!”

Woman #2: “Put them in foster care. I could do whatever I wanted while they were there.”

(We are all stunned by her nonchalance at doing this to her daughters. She’s always complaining about them and their lives. A few weeks later, she is now complaining about the treatment she is getting from her kids. She complains that they don’t involve her in much of their family lives and that it’s disgusting how they treat her because all she got for Mother’s day was a phone call; they live on the other side of the country.)

Woman #1: *to me later* “She’s lucky she even got a phone call; if I was her daughter I would lose her number and change mine.”

Turn Up The Volume On Their Self-Awareness

, , , , | Learning | September 4, 2017

(The small college library I work in has a strict no-phones policy for students; i.e., devices on silent and no voice calls. Unfortunately, we have to remind students about it on an almost daily basis. On this particular occasion, a woman is working on a computer and takes a call on her mobile. I go across to her.)

Me: “Excuse me; you’ll have to take your call outside.”

Student: “Oh, sorry!” *into the phone* “I’m in the library, I’ll just have to go outside…”

(She leaves, but as the library doors and walls are entirely of glass, and she stands in the hall just outside the door to hold her conversation, everybody inside the library can hear her side of it, and it’s clearly a call about a job opening. After a five-minute discussion, she comes back in and calls over to the desk where I’m working:)

Student: “Sorry about that!”

(She then returns to her seat, but soon comes up to my desk.)

Student: “Excuse me, but the students sitting near me are talking and making so much noise that I can’t concentrate.”

Me: *stunned at her brass neck and lack of self-awareness*

Student: “If you could just tell them to be quiet, or ask them to leave…”

Me: “I’ll certainly ask them to be quiet if I hear them making any noise, but I can’t ask them to leave.”

(The students in question were being quiet at that point, although I eventually did need to speak to them, but I couldn’t get over the gall of the woman after having disturbed the entire library with her phone call!)


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