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Sim-ply Instigating

, , , , | Friendly | June 29, 2017

(I’m at my friends’ place. One of them tends to be a bit of an instigator, to the point where he’s lost other friends over it, and is also a hardcore gamer. I’m a big fan of The Sims, and I’m currently playing it on my laptop.)

Friend: “I just don’t see the point in The Sims.”

Me: “Mmmm?”

Friend: “I mean, that has got to be one of the most boring concepts for a game ever.”

Me: “Oh… to each his own, I guess.”

Friend: “It’s a dumb idea. You’re just creating people and have them go about their everyday lives. There’s no excitement in that.”

Me: “Whatever you say, man.”

(Realizing he was not going to get a rise out of me, he gave up and went back to what he was doing. It wasn’t the first or last time he’s tried that with me, but I figured out the quickest way to defuse him was to not get upset. He’s thankfully matured out of that phase since then, but not before ruining another close friendship, and almost destroying the one he had with his roommate at the time.)

This Whole Thing Is A WRITE OFF

, , , | Right | June 28, 2017

(I work for a health insurance company. We pay our our maximum amount on all emergency room visits no matter where services are done or contracting status of provider.)

Customer: “So I feel like there should be a WRITE OFF done by somebody to WRITE OFF some of these charges.”

Me: “I understand a large bill from a hospital can be a burden, which is why we paid your ER claim as much as we would possibly pay any claim, at the highest level — our in network pay bracket.”

Customer: “Who does the WRITE OFF then? I was told there could be a WRITE OFF.”

Me: “Contracts with doctors can result in them accepting our paid amount and writing off the rest. Your visit was to a non-contracted provider, so they aren’t beholden to any agreement on how much they can charge you.”

Customer: “So they would do the WRITE OFF, then?”

Me: “Have you spoken to them about negotiating a plan to pay your bill yet?”

Customer: “Yes, and they told me to call you and say WRITE OFF a lot and ask if you could pay them in a lower bracket than you did because it could mean they get more money towards the bill.”

Me: *after a silent “wow”* “That’s simply bad advice. There isn’t a world in which paying them less would result in them getting more money. Those two things are the opposite of each other.”

Customer: “Oh. Why would they make me do this, waste my time and make me seem like a fool?”

Me: “You’re not a fool. You’re looking for a way to reduce a very large and unexpected expense. I’m sorry the hospital that is billing you deflected your concerns by giving you an untenable solution. You can report unprofessional conduct by our contracted providers, should you ever encounter a problem with them.”

Customer: “Did you say something about them getting more money?”

Me: *after a moment of stunned silence* “You could get back to the person in that hospital who advised you of these options and request they send us a letter officially asking to be paid at a lower bracket. They are even able to agree to a WRITE-OFF in the same letter. The format for this charitable concern is on our website.”

Customer: “They wouldn’t do that, would they?”

Me: “It was their idea, wasn’t it?”

Customer: “Yes, it was, but I don’t think that’s what they meant.”

Me: “What did they mean?”

Customer: “I called you to find out!”

Genderalising The Cause

, , , , | Right | June 28, 2017

(I work at a store where customers purchase their items and wait for them to be brought out. It is a hectic day with several staff being absent suffering with gastroenteritis, so we are a bit behind. The store is pretty packed in comparison to usual and the average wait time for collection is 20 minutes. A woman has used the self checkout and walked straight to the counter. My coworker checks her receipt.)

Coworker: “Oh, you’ve just paid. Sorry, but there is a 20 minute wait.”

Customer: “No. I will be collecting my hair dryer now.”

Coworker: “But you’ve just paid. Your order is 83, we’re just on 66.”

Customer: “I’m not waiting. Get my hair dryer NOW!”

Coworker: “I’m sorry, but there’s nothing I can do. You will have to wait, just like everyone else.”

Customer: “How dare you! This is discrimination. Just because I’m a trans woman doesn’t mean I have to be subjected to this kind of harassment.”

Coworker: “What?”

Customer: “Forcing me to wait behind all these cisgendered people, like a SECOND CLASS CITIZEN! Where is your manager? You deserve to be fired!”

Me: “What is the problem?”

(An elderly woman comes into the store at this point.)


Me: “Madam, do you think anyone in our warehouse knows that you are transgender?”

Customer: “What?!”

Me: “Or the self checkout machine you used to order?”

Customer: *silent*

Me: “Or any of us for that matter before you started mouthing off?”

Customer: “I am a trans woman, and this is discrimination!”

Me: “No, the only person who is making gender an issue in this store is you, and if you do not calm down I will have you wait outside and my coworker here will bring your purchase out to you.”

(The woman opens her mouth to speak when the elderly woman comes up and slaps her on the back of the head. The woman turns around and jumps.)

Customer: “Granny!”

Elderly Woman: “Again? You miserable, ungrateful child. We aren’t paying for your change just so you can be a c***!”

Would Jew Risk It?

, , , , | Working | June 27, 2017

(My family and I are driving to Idlewild for a mini vacation, and stop at a local restaurant on our way to our cabin. We sit, are greeted pleasantly, and chat with the waitress. All perfectly pleasant, until we try to order. My mother wants to know if a particular soup has pork in it, as the meat is not specified on the menu.)

Mother: “Excuse me, could you tell me if there’s pork in this soup? Or pig of any kind?”

Waitress: “Oh, let me go check.”

(So far so good. She comes back out with the cook and the apparent owner.)

Cook: “We don’t cook this with pork in it. Can I ask why you can’t have pork? Is it an allergy?”

Mother: “No, it’s a religious thing. We’re Jewish.”

(The cook and the owner, as well as the waitress, all appear deeply confused and affronted. We try to explain the religious abstention from pork and other such forbidden foods, explaining it is our preference, not something we advised for everyone.)

Waitress: “Jewish? Well, that’s stupid. Why can’t you just eat the pork. It’s perfectly good food!”

(We were stunned, offended, and quickly left, paying for our food and throwing out the soup soon after, on the off chance they did actually put pork in it.)

Getting Hysterectical

, , , , | Healthy | June 25, 2017

(I got a hysterectomy because I hate my period and never want to have children. When I wake up from the anaesthetic, there’s a nurse standing over my bed.)

Nurse: “Don’t you ever want kids?”

(That was literally the first thing she said. I thought of so many responses later, but at the time I was too stunned and groggy to say anything. Also: period-free life is awesome. 10/10 highly recommend.)