Playing Along, Part 2

, , , | Right | April 11, 2008

(I get a call for troubleshooting from a lady who says her remote doesn’t work.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, could you try changing the channel for me? Tell me if a light flashes on the remote.”

Lady: “Okay.”

(There are a few loud beeps from her phone in my ear and she comes back on the line.)

Lady: “Nope, no flashing.”

Me: “Ma’am you’re trying to change the channel with your phone, not the remote control.”

Lady: “I can’t find the clicker, and I know my neighbor changes channels with her phone.”

(This is before smartphones, so she is talking about the old-style analog phones.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s just not possible.”

Lady: “Don’t accuse me of lying! I saw her do it with my own eyes.”

Me: “…”

(I try for ten minutes to explain to her why she can’t use her phone, and even make a futile attempt to troubleshoot her phone.)

Me: “Okay, well it looks like your satellite receiver isn’t compatible with your phone.”

Lady: “Yes it is. My neighbor and I have the same phone and same receiver. NOW HELP ME, DUMB-A**!”

Me: “Ma’am, do you have a cordless phone?”

Lady: “Yes!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, let’s try reprogramming your phone. What I need you to do is press and hold the ‘off’ button for five seconds. This will clear the old code, so we can put the new one in.”

Lady: “Okaay—” *click*

(I hear my supervisor a few rows away from me bust out laughing.)

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Methinks Thou Hast A Stick Up Thine Arse

, , , | Right | April 5, 2008

(I’ve worked in a convenience store and a computer shop, and I’ve got a little joke about credit cards and a disarming smile and laugh that people seem to enjoy…but this once…)

Customer: “Do you guys take credit cards?”

Me, smiling: “Sure do, but we don’t give ’em back.”

Customer: *very angry* “You’d god-d*** better give it back or I’ll have you arrested on the spot!”

Me: “That was a joke …”

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Always Right, Even With Other Customers

, , , | Right | April 3, 2008

(I’m a customer putting my groceries on the conveyor belt, and I realise I’ve forgotten one item. Half-way through loading my stuff onto the conveyor, I stop, and sprint across the store to pick up this item. As I get back, two little old ladies have put a separator immediately behind my groceries.)

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m not quite finished. I forgot an item.”

Old Lady: “Oh, it’s okay. I’ve just put this here.” *points at the separator*

Me: “But I need more space for the rest of my groceries. Can you move your stuff back, please?”

Till Assistant: “‘Scuse me, love, he’s not finished.”

Old Lady: “I KNOW! I’VE JUST PUT THIS HERE!” *points at the separator*

Me & Till Assistant: “Huh?”

Old Lady: “Oh, never mind! We’ll go to another till! We can’t wait for HIM and HER to finish their rubbish!” *storms off*

(Seriously, WTF?)

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Coworkers: They Make Life Worth Living

, , , , | Working | March 31, 2008

Tourist: “I saw a sign that said historic downtown, what’s down there?”

(To the best of my knowledge, no such sign exists so I’m already confused.)

Me: “Uh, a few churches and shops.”

Tourist: “Oh, how do I get to the lighthouse?”

Me: “You go through downtown.”

Tourist: “I don’t want to go through downtown!”

Me: “Sorry, but that’s how you get there.”

Tourist: “Is there another way to get there?”

Annoyed Coworker: “You could fly there on your broom!”

(The tourist looks shocked and storms out.)

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Yet Still They Come

, , | Right | March 28, 2008

(Due to a power outage we had to close our store. The lights were all out and there were 2 large green bristol board signs displaying “CLOSED, NO POWER, SORRY”. A woman walks up, walks through the entryway, and tries the door to the store proper, which is locked. She then turns around goes to the exit door, pulls it open, and walks in. I stop her.)

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, there is a power outage. We’re closed.”

Woman: “Does that mean I can come in?”

Me: “No. ‘Closed’ means you can’t come in.”

Woman: “Then how come THEY’RE allowed in?” *points to people behind cash registers all wearing store aprons*

Me: “Uh… they work here.”

Woman: *leaves angrily*

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