Hissy Fits As Profit Centers

, , | Right | March 10, 2008

(I am working the morning shift at a local sandwich shop and accidentally give the wrong order to the wrong patron. I run outside to trade the first customer and come back in and approach the second.)

Me: “Sorry, sir, I gave your order to the wrong man. Would you like me to remake this for you?”

Customer: “You put s*** in my sandwich! I don’t want it back!”

Me: “Oh, no, sir. I’m sorry. See, I gave this to the wrong man and ran out to trade him. As I said, I can remake this for you; it will just take a minute.”

Customer: “NO. You put s*** in my sandwich. I don’t want you to make me another.”

Me: “Well, okay, sir. If you meet me at my register, I will be more than happy to refund your money.”

Customer: “Listen here, you little b****, you put s*** in my f****** sandwich! I can’t believe your manager doesn’t fire you!”

(This whole time my manager stands there laughing, doing nothing to help.)

Me: “What can I do to make this experience better for you? I can make a new sandwich or give you your money back.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(He then storms away and leaves sandwich/money free. As he’s leaving, I yell…)

Me: “Thanks for breakfast!”

 

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Next Time, Just Smile And Nod

, , , | Right | March 7, 2008

Customer #1: “We would like to exchange these items.”

(They hand over an unopened video game controller and sealed games.)

Me: “Do you have your receipt?”

Customer #1: “No, we just want to do an exchange!”

Me: “I am unable to do a return without a receipt verifying you purchased your items at this store.”

Customer #2: “We don’t want to do a return; we want to do an exchange!”

(Our store also buys used video games and accessories so I think maybe that is what they’re trying to do)

Me: “Without a receipt, the only thing I can do is buy these from you, but you won’t get the full retail price. Is that what you’re trying to do?”

Customer #1: “NO! I want to do an exchange!”

Me: “Then I’ll need a receipt.”

(The customer sits there for a minute and finally produces a receipt.)

Me: “Thank you. I’m going to return these items and when you find what you want in the store, just bring it up to the counter.”

Customer #2: “WE CAN’T DO A RETURN, IT HAS TO BE AN EXCHANGE! IT CAN’T GO BACK ON THE CREDIT CARD!”

Me: “Just go and pick out the items you want and if there is money left over we’ll give you a store credit.”

Customer #2: “BUT IT CAN’T GO ON THE CREDIT CARD! YOU CAN’T RETURN THE ITEMS!”

Me: “We have to return them to keep our inventory up to date.”

Customer #1: “WE JUST SAID WE CAN’T RETURN THEM! WE NEED TO EXCHANGE THEM!”

Me: “I’m trying to explain to you that it is a corporate policy to return items, not exchange them, but that does not mean the money goes on your credit card. We can give you store credit.”

Customer #1: “So you guys are somehow different from every other store on the planet? Every other store does exchanges but not you.”

Customer #2: “IT CAN’T GO ON THE CREDIT CARD.”

Me: “Listen, you are over-thinking this–”

Customer #1: *cutting me off* “MAYBE YOU ARE UNDER-THINKING THIS! I TOLD YOU I WANT TO DO AN EXCHANGE. I’M GOING TO THE STORE I BOUGHT THIS FROM! THEY’LL DO AN EXCHANGE!”

Me: “You can take these items to any [Store] you want. We all have the same policy.”

Customer #2: “NO, YOU’RE JUST STUPID!”

(They left the store, Half an hour later, I got a call from the store down the street laughing and thanking me for sending over such *lovely* customers.)

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Full Of Sh*t, In So Many Ways

, , | Right | March 7, 2008

(Note: our bathrooms decided to back up and so we had to lock them.)

Customer: “Can you unlock the bathroom?”

Me: “Sorry, they are out of order.”

Customer: “What do you mean!? I need to go!”

Me: “The bagel shop next door has a bathroom that they’ll be glad to let you use.”

Customer: “There used to be a day when the customer was always right!” *storms off*

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Everyone Loves A Cynic

, , | Right | March 4, 2008

(I have been cleaning up the magazine section for over an hour, as people leave piles of magazines all over the store rather than buying them or putting them back. Two women approach me as I’m working.)

Woman #1: “Excuse me, didn’t you have chairs here in this section before?”

Me: “Yes we did, but we took them away because this area isn’t monitored as often and it results in a large mess and damaged products.”

Woman #2: *after leaving a pile of magazines on the floor* “Oh, so you mean you got lazy.”

(I try hard to not roll up a magazine and bop her on the head with it.)


This story is part of our Lazy Customers roundup!

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A Simple Hello Would Have Sufficed

, , , , | Right | March 3, 2008

(I have just taken the client’s information and asked him what kind of issue he is having.)

Client: “Well, I’ve been having some problems with my emai–”

(I hear the guy pull the phone away from his mouth.)

Client:*yelling* “HEY, SHUT THE F*** UP MOTHERF*****!”

Someone Else In The Background: “NO, YOU’RE THE MOTHER-F*****, A**HOLE! YOU SHUT THE F*** UP!”

(After about ten seconds of silence the guy comes back on the line and continues describing his problem like nothing ever happened.)

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