I work at a small engineering company. We are still very small, only about twenty-five people. We have an IT guy who is responsible for interfacing with clients when their problem is more software-based and installing any modules we program for them. Therefore, he interacts with clients more than most of us engineers. He has a bit of a short temper but is otherwise excellent at his work and great as a coworker.

We also have a very abusive jerk of a client who gives us a lot of revenue and a lot of headaches. He expects each of us to grovel and scrape whenever we interact with him, has sworn at all of us at some point, and is a horrible human being in general.

He’s just found a minor bug on a software we sold him. This is fairly normal and we warranty new software for two to five years because bugs do happen.

My colleague and I, who are the programmers, my manager, and the IT guy are all at his site trying to solve the problem and have already taken a lot of abuse.

Client: “You’re all morons who can’t do anything right. I don’t know why we still bother with your company!”

Manager: “[Client], we are here to fix—”

Client: *Like a chant* “Morons, morons, morons! Come on, sing with me what you are! Morons, morons, morons!”

Three of us there are shocked and don’t know what to do. And then, there is [IT Guy].

IT Guy: “Sure, I’ll sing with you! F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU!”

The client’s jaw hits the floor and he starts getting red in the face. But [IT Guy] continues his own chant, raising his voice to the point of yelling in this guy’s – open plan! – office space, and adding dancing middle fingers!

IT Guy: “F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU!”

My manager quickly — but not too quickly! — gets us out of there before security comes to get us. [IT Guy] is still yelling as we drag him out the door.

IT Guy: “F*** YOU! F*** YOU! F*** YOU!”

He was fired, of course. In a company as small as ours, we couldn’t afford to let this behavior go unpunished — not with that many witnesses — or our reputation would go down the drain. But he was the office hero for months!

And the client was so hated that [IT Guy] was not fired for cause and was offered a settlement equivalent to two months of his salary, on top of the normal unemployment benefits. My manager also wrote him a kick-a** reference letter and sent his résumé to some connections. He had a good new job in under a month and remained friendly with us.

And we never did business with the abusive client again!

I work at a gas station that gets a lot of interesting people at the end of the late shift. I am finishing up my paperwork before heading home. 

A polite woman comes in and gets two packs of beer, some chips, and a soda. She sets them down and starts chatting with my coworker about the party she is about to go to. She mentions that her girlfriend is waiting in the car for her. This is a rookie mistake a lot of people make, as we cannot sell beer to anyone who we don’t see the ID for. 

My coworker tells this to the customer, who has been lovely up until this point. The customer nods, says she understands, and heads out to the car. She comes back with two women. The customer and the customer’s friend show their ID. The customer’s girlfriend throws an adult-sized temper-tantrum, instead. 

Girlfriend: “I am twenty-eight years old; why do I have to show an ID? I look twenty-eight. I shouldn’t have to get out of the car for this. I don’t even like this kind of beer.”

My coworker explains that it is the policy, it’s written on the door, and it’s out of her hands. The girlfriend continues to rant about how she just wants to get to the party and we are holding them up. She has still not presented her ID at all, even with my coworker explaining that they can have the beer once the ID has been shown. 

Girlfriend: “I shouldn’t have to. It’s the principle of the thing. You made me walk all the way in here. I have had a long day.”

Customer: “Honey, just show them the ID.”

Girlfriend: “It’s in the car still. In my purse. I guess I have to walk all the way back there for it now.”

Their friend offers to get the ID and comes back with a huge purse. The girlfriend proceeds to look through it, not letting the guy behind her through to pay while my coworker suspends her purchase. I have finished all of my closing tasks, which usually take about ten minutes. I then put on my sweatshirt and grab my purse. 

The girlfriend finally shows her ID and continues to berate my coworker. I have already been screamed at twice and had someone throw an Icee on the ground to be funny, and this woman is kind of on my last nerve.  

Girlfriend: “Here is my ID. I hope I didn’t cause you any problems.”

Me: “You know, we get fired if we don’t ID. I have had to ID someone old enough to be my grandmother. And she didn’t have an attitude about it.”

Girlfriend: “What did you say?”

Me: “I said, I have to ID people or we get fired. Not wanting to show it doesn’t change the policy.”

Girlfriend: “No, about the attitude.”

Customer: “Honey, I paid; let’s go. We’re already late.”

Girlfriend: “No, I want to hear what she said.”

Me: “I said having an attitude doesn’t change reality. You can’t buy beer without an ID. We check everybody over the age of eighteen. So, yeah, not sure what to tell you. Feel free to check out our website for official rules and regulations.”

Girlfriend: “Now I have an attitude. You can’t tell me not to have an attitude.”

Me: “Yes, I can. And I did. I’m off the clock, so I am not being paid to stand around being yelled at.”

Girlfriend: “I wasn’t talking to you.”

Me: “Yeah, doesn’t matter. [Coworker] is my friend. I know the policy. And I can tell you from personal experience that every store in this town is going to check ID for everybody after [Gas Station] got fined for selling to a minor. So, you’d better keep your ID on you like a normal person.”

Girlfriend: “I am going to call your manager.”

Me: “Good luck. [Coworker] is her sister-in-law. And I’ve said worse to people. I’m going home. Have a nice night, [Coworker], and enjoy your evening.”

No one cheered. I was not written up. The unpleasant hulk of a toddler has not returned, either, though her girlfriend has come in.

I’m Australian, living in the UK with my husband, who is English. I work for an ISP on their faults desk.

Me: “Welcome to [Company] Faults; how can I help you?”

Customer: “No, you’re Accounts. My number is [Account Number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, but this is the Faults department and I can’t access accounts. I’ll just transfer you—”

Customer: “NO! You will help me! My account is [Account Number].”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t access accounts at all. I’ll just transfer—”

Customer: “NO! YOU WILL HELP ME! MY ACCOUNT IS—”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m from Faults. I can’t access accounts. I’ll transfer—”

Customer: “ACCOUNT [NUMBER]!”

Me: “I’m sorry, this is Faults, not Accounts. I have to—”

Customer: “YOU WILL HELP ME NOW! ACCOUNT [NUMBER]! DO YOUR JOB! STUPID FOREIGNER!”

Me: “Faults. Not Accounts. Can’t help you.”

The customer continues screaming with bonus racist comments. Done with this idiocy, I begin dialing the transfer to the Accounts team while saying in my nicest “customer service” voice:

Me: “Thank you for calling [Company] Faults. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to assist you today, so I’m just going to transfer you to our Accounts team. Please wait one moment while I transfer you.”

I hit the transfer button.

Accounts Team Colleague: “Welcome to [Company] Customer Care. How can I help you?”

This particular colleague has a very broad Liverpool accent… but she’s of Indian descent.

Me: “This is [My Name] from Faults. I’ve got a customer asking for account assistance, [Account Number]. She was screaming racist s*** at me when I couldn’t help her with an account, so she might be… difficult.” 

Accounts Team Colleague: “One of those ones? Okay, I’ve got that account. Wish me luck!”

Later, I got an email from my accounts colleague with a link to the call recording. The customer had screamed at the hold music almost continuously and when my colleague picked up, with her Liverpool accent, the customer was suddenly all sweetness and light, except for the “d*** foreigners” comments that she scattered in constantly. My colleague’s single line comment? “What a c***.”

I work at a bulk membership club. The club is taking extra steps to ensure the health and safety of employees and customers during the current health crisis.

One of these steps is making all coupons digital-only: use the membership app and load them onto the card. However, some customers are so entrenched in the old way of physically clipping coupons that every day we get some variation of, “Well, I wasn’t informed…”

Me: “All right, that will be [amount].”

Customer: “Oh, wait. I have all these coupons.”

Me: “Ma’am, due to the outbreak, all of our coupons are done digitally now.”

Customer: “What? Since f****** when?”

Me: “Since the beginning of March, ma’am.”

Customer: “Well, nobody ever told me that.”

Me: “Ma’am, it says so on the first page of the coupon book, on the large sign at the front of the store, on the TVs that you passed by on your way in, and on the PA system every half-hour.”

Customer: “Well, I didn’t see or hear any of that, so you have to take my coupons.”

As I’m about to call a manager, the PA system starts the prerecorded spiel about digital coupons. I watch as the customer claps her hands over her ears.

Customer: *Very loudly* “This is age discrimination, you know. I’m too old to know how to use these app things and if you keep this s*** up, I’m going to complain to the State about this!”

My manager arrives and she says the following:

Manager: “Ma’am, first of all, I won’t have you swear at my cashier. He has tried to help you. And in reference to your last statement, I see you’re not carrying a flip phone, so your [Expensive Smartphone] should be able to handle our app.”

Customer: “No! This policy is f****** stupid, and I won’t download your stupid app just to use my coupons!”

Manager: *To me* “Void her transaction and ring up the next person in line.”

Customer: “How dare you?! I’m a f****** paying customer!”

Manager: “You’re verbally abusing my cashier because you’re unwilling to learn new things, so he’s going to ring the next person in line while I show you how to use the app. Then, you’re going to apologize to him for swearing at him for something that is out of his hands. Then, and only then, will he ring you out, and then you will be a ‘paying customer.’ Do I make myself clear?”

The customer was at least five inches taller than the manager, but the sternness in her voice made the customer back down and move out of the line. Ten minutes later, she very meekly apologized and checked out, not making eye contact with me. A small victory for essential workers, but it felt good.

Related:
The Couponator 17: Attack Of The “Programmer”
The Couponator 16: Enter The Entree
The Couponator 15: The Transaction Void
The Couponator 14: Multiple Attack
The Couponator 13: Coupons Of Purchases Past

This story is part of our July 2020 Roundup – the best stories of the month!

Read the next July 2020 Roundup story!

Read the July 2020 Roundup!

I am with my friend whose parents are first-generation immigrants from Saudi Arabia. He mentioned that he isn’t allowed to hang out unsupervised with his cousin who recently came to America because his cousin is a bad influence, but he refused to share details.

In psychology class, we are talking about prisons.

Me: “Alcohol is banned in prison but the prisoners make it out of fruits and sugar; I’m not sure how it works.”

Friend: “It’s made out of fruits or grain — anything with carbs — and then you have to ferment it. You can boil it in your kitchen if you have one, but obviously they can’t in jail…”

He goes on to explain how to make moonshine. Several kids make jokes about his suspicious knowledge.

Friend: *Quietly, to me* “This is why I’m not allowed to hang out with my cousin anymore.”