I work as a cashier, and I happen to be working the closing shift tonight. I cash out this customer a few minutes before the store closes, but she waits until I’m finished with the last customer in the building to come and talk to me.

Customer: “Excuse me, do you have something I could write with?”

I reach for my pen and pad of paper, assuming she wants me to write down our rewards program website, which happens often. She takes them from me and begins to write herself. 

Customer: “Have you ever had a facial?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I have not. “

Customer: “Ah! Well, I could help you, then. My son, he had issues with the ugly, too.

She now gestures to my face.

Customer: “But I fixed it for him. I would do a nice job, I promise!”

She hands me back the pen and paper, where she has written her business information. 

Customer: “Come by and I will help!”

She pauses and waits for my response.

Me: “Umm, thank you?”

Customer: “Oh! You are very welcome!”

She wiggled her fingers at me and left. I was angry at myself later for thanking a stranger who called me ugly. Almost a year later, I haven’t seen her again.

Related:
What An Ugly Opinion

The professor in this story looks and sounds just like you’d imagine a middle-aged white southern belle to be. She lives just a couple minutes’ walk off campus so she’s used to people recognizing and greeting her while she’s in her yard.

We’re just finishing up a discussion on some of the current events going on — namely, the Black Lives Matter movement.

Professor: “Oh, did I tell y’all that I’m now on my third ‘Black Lives Matter’ banner in front of my house?”

Classmate: “Wait, third? What happened to the first two?”

Professor: “Well, the first one was stolen, but my neighbor managed to get the guy’s license plate. We ended up putting an old towel up in its place that had his plate number and, ‘Give me back my s***,’ written on it. He returned it within a few days and claimed he just ‘didn’t agree with it.’ And then it got stolen by someone else a few weeks later, so we just bought a new one. That one also got stolen, so we had to buy a third.

The funniest thing with it, though, was that just the other day, a man in a pickup truck drove by and honked at me, so I just waved at him thinking it was someone from [University]. But after I did that, he stuck his head out the window and yelled, “Black lives DON’T matter!” and I was just dumbfounded!

I just yelled back the first thing at him I could think of: “Don’t you sound smart!” which just pissed him off more. Honestly, the nerve of some people.

Marijuana is legal for recreational use in my state. This is during the global health crisis, and the dispensary has mandated masks — as has the state — as well as social distancing inside and outside the shop. Very few people are allowed in at one time, and the store is pretty small, so the line outside to get in is very long. There are some Xs on the ground marking six feet, but there are more people in line than there are Xs.

Most people are complying with the social distancing guidelines anyway, except, of course, the gentleman directly behind me. He starts out at a good distance but inches closer and closer until he would be too close even without the current guidelines. I finally can’t take it anymore.

Me: “Come on, dude, social distancing. You’re like nine inches away from me.”

I know I could have said this more nicely, but I get anxious when I feel crowded and I spoke without thinking of a more tactful way to say it. I am also a little nervous because I have heard of so many people flipping out when asked to comply with health guidelines.

He says nothing but moves an acceptable distance away. I notice that as the line moves forward, he does not move up and is now about twenty feet behind me. We are now standing on the Xs, and he has skipped two Xs behind me.

Woman Behind Him: “Can you please move up, sir?”

Man: “Naw! She—” *pointing at me* “—told me social distancing, so I have to stay back here. I’m not getting any closer than this!”

Me: “Sir, six feet is enough—”

The man interrupts me and holds up his hand in a “talk to the hand” fashion and faces away from me.

Man: “Miss, fine, it’s fine. Go on ahead. Go on about your business.”

I turn around and do as he says and go about my business. He remains about twenty feet behind me. Finally, it is my turn to enter the dispensary. As I am checking out with the cashier, I notice the man standing just inside the door, which is at the opposite side of the room. Again, there are a number of Xs on the floor between us. Also, there are people behind him also waiting to get in. An employee points at an X on the floor.

Employee: “Can you please step up here?”

Man: “No! She told me to social distance. I can’t come any closer to her! I’ll step up when she’s gone!”

I thought stoners were more chill than this. I almost offered him some of my gummies!

Related:
Time To Socially Distance Yourself From Such Ideas

I work at a credit card call center for one of Canada’s top five big banks. We deal with a lot of irate customers who do not like to pay fees, but we have the discretion to reverse certain charges. Key word: discretion. The following story unfolds.

Me: “Thank you for calling [Bank]. May I have your first and last name, please?”

The customer gives me the information I need.

Customer: “I was charged about $1.03 interest and I am not going to pay.”

That’s the last thing you want to say to someone who has the discretion to reverse your interest. After I realize that the interest is a result of late payment, I say to myself, “I’ll make sure you pay,” and chuckle to myself.

Me: “I am sorry, ma’am, but this is a legitimate charge.”

Customer: “I have never been charged interest in my entire life and I am not going to pay this.”

Me: “I am sorry, but this is a legitimate charge and I will not reverse it.”

She starts literally screaming and I place the phone on mute while I laugh

Customer: “My husband knows the president; I will not be paying for this!”

Me: “It is the bank’s policy, and you can find it in your service agreement that the interest will be charged for such reasons.”

Customer: “I need to speak to a supervisor now!”

Me: “Not a problem. Keep holding the line while I connect you with one. Thank you for choosing [Bank].”

I explained the situation to my supervisor who asked why I did not reverse the charge. I gave her the same answer with a straight face: it was a legitimate charge and certain reversals are at my discretion. She could not argue with that. Someone can reverse the interest, but it was not going to be me. Moral of the story: be nice if you want something done!

I am new at a customer service job and I am assigned to the reception that deals with walk-in clients. I am sitting next to a senior and the entire day it’s pretty calm. The senior decides to take a little toilet break, and while she is gone, a customer enters the building. 

Lady: “I was told to give this to you.”

Me: *Looking at documents* “All right, and what is your question?”

Lady: “I need to change the bank number! My mother passed away and I am the heir. I need to change this bank number!”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry, I am new, but my coworker should be back any minute now. She can help you with this. “

Lady: *sighs* “I am a lawyer. I don’t have time for this. I know the law and this needs to be changed!”

Me: “I understand, but I don’t have experience with this type of case. Please— Ah, there she is. [Coworker], could you please help this lady while I watch?”

The lady explains, almost huffing and puffing, that [Other Coworker] told her she needed to bring this form. 

Coworker: “I see. My condolences for your mother. Do you have a death certificate?”

Lady: *Huffs* “[Other Coworker] told me I didn’t need that! It’s always something with you people! Nothing but trouble! I only needed this and I’m so done with it!”

Coworker: “All right, then let me double-check with the department that needs to deal with this.”

Lady: “I just needed this form!”

Coworker: “Yes, I understand, but I’d rather check now, just to be sure. I don’t want to mess up things even more for you.”

My coworker calls the department and keeps on smiling, despite the sighing and huffing lady. During the call, the lady thrusts all her forms into my coworker’s face, which she calmly accepts and puts down next to her. She makes no effort to rush. 

Coworker: “All right, I got permission to change things without a death certificate because of the low amount. Let me copy all the data for you.”

My coworker calmly puts the data in the system. The lady huffs, but despite the lady’s pointing, flashing forms, and yapping, my coworker checks things… again and again. Three times in total. While my coworker summarizes everything, the lady snatches everything from my coworker’s desk. 

Lady: “I need your name.”

Coworker: “My name is [Coworker], and I am the only one with that name.”

Lady: “Oh, so you guys only do first names, eh?”

Coworker: “People always misspell my last name, but like said, I am the only one with my name. Can’t miss!”

Lady: “Spell it.”

Coworker: “You mean you want my last name, even though I told you I am the only one with [Coworker]? All right.”

And she spells her name out very slowly.

Lady: “All right, I’m done with this. When should I expect the money?”

Coworker: “In two weeks.”

Lady: “Oh, so if I don’t have it next week, I’ll come back.”

Coworker: “You are most welcome to return, but it should be in two weeks.”

Lady: “Ugh, you people… Goodbye!”

And she finally leaves.

Me: “How the heck did you keep on having that smile?!”

Coworker: “Because it annoyed her.”