Let’s Get Dangerous!

, , , , | Right | July 27, 2021

I am wearing a Darkwing Duck T-shirt. The shirt doesn’t actually mention Darkwing by name or feature his likeness, but it does mention St. Canard, the name of the fictional city the show is set in. I’m male and in my early forties.

I am at the store and go to the register with my cart. The clerk is a young man in his late twenties with flamboyant hair and a small nose piercing. I unload the items onto the belt, and as the previous customer takes their shopping and walks away, the clerk turns to me and notices my shirt.

Clerk: “Hey, nice shirt! I love that show!”

Me: “Thanks! You’re the first person to—”

Rude Customer: *Behind me* “WILL YOU STOP F****** CHATTING AND GET MOVING?! Some of us have THINGS TO DO!”

This outburst is a bit random as it has literally only been a few seconds since the previous customer left. The clerk starts scanning my items, but the rude customer gets even angrier.

Rude Customer: “HURRY UP!”

It has been less than a minute since we started.

Rude Customer: “F****** f**s keeping me waiting!”

The clerk just looks at me, winks, and turns to the rude customer.

Clerk: “I am the terror that flaps in the night. I am the cashier doing his job and won’t tolerate rudeness. I am… refusing you service!”

The customer starts screaming, but luckily, a passing manager has heard everything and with the help of the security guard is able to get the rude customer out of the store. My items are bagged and I pay and am ready to go.

Me: “Thanks, DW!”

Clerk: “Never fear, citizen! The Clerk of St. Canard will always protect you!”

Best clerk ever!

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How Do People Like This Keep Their Jobs?!

, , , , | Working | July 27, 2021

Do you ever have that coworker who is so insecure that they project all their insecurities onto others to feel better about themselves but is also so self-centered that they are not above sabotage?

My coworker, bless her heart, tried to get me fired during a global health crisis so she could cover up the fact she wasn’t doing her job. Previously, I had been doing it up to that point but decided to set boundaries with the addition of working from home.

I rightfully no longer trust her and refuse to work with her. As a result, she continues to spin out and our clients become increasingly unhappy with her, which in turn causes her to partake in some very unethical behavior.

Our largest client has had enough of her lies and deceit but loves working with my other coworkers. They want non-existing security measures in place to protect themselves from her. As a result, we have a security crackdown. That’s fine by me; it will only harm Miss Glued-To-Her-Phone.

She spearheads the entire thing but continues to try and get me involved. I give our IT guy what he needs and call it a day. Meanwhile, in the name of good security, she makes several blunders. She leaves the door unlocked over the weekend, she sends source code to a client via email, and she sends private client info to another client.

You know, all fireable offenses for anyone but her.

Yesterday, the owner gave me a hard drive to store. He left it on my desk. Today, I come in and cannot find it. I assume he changed his mind.

In the middle of the morning meeting, [Coworker] derails the entire meeting to berate me for leaving the hard drive out.

Coworker: “Don’t worry. I hid it in [Coworker #2]’s desk for you.”

I just roll my eyes and move on.

After the meeting, I go searching for the hard drive and cannot find it in [Coworker #2]’s desk. Confused, I decide to ask him about it later. That is when I see it. She left it on the receptionist’s desk right up front.

To recap, she derailed a meeting to berate me for not practicing good security measures by leaving a hard drive out that was placed on my desk AFTER I left, only to move it about ten feet to a different, more exposed desk.

I think I am just going to keep quiet and let her eat herself alive on this one.

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Shaken, Stirred, And Totally Served

, , , , , , , , , | Right | July 27, 2021

I am third in the queue at a local supermarket. At the counter, there is a lovely, polite, elderly lady with the telltale jerking movements of Parkinson’s. Her voice is a little slurred, soft, and monotonous.

Lady: “I’m sorry I’m so slow. Can I just get these?”

She puts through five items, mostly lunch stuff.

Cashier: “No worries, not a problem at all! Would you like a bag?”

The next customer cuts in.

Man: “Well, I’m f****** worried! You shouldn’t be allowed out in public like that.”

He gets up in the old lady’s face.

Cashier: “Stop that immediately!”

Man: “Listen, b****, I shouldn’t have to wait in line because some old f***** can’t handle her highs!”

Meanwhile, the old lady is calmly putting her stuff in her bag… except for a can of soda which she holds in her hand.

Cashier: “Excuse me. That is my mother, and she has Parkinson’s Disease; it is a neurological degenerative condition that causes those movements.”

The manager can be seen approaching but is still a few moments away.

Man: “Like f*** she is! She’s just high!”

The lady opens the now very well-shaken can of soda and proceeds to drop it at the man’s feet, causing it to spurt upward in a jet of foam and thoroughly soak him.

Lady: “Oh, I’m terribly sorry! I have Parkinson’s disease. There was a spasm in my hand and I let go of it. I’m soooooo sorry!”

The other customer shouts for a bit and then gets thrown out by the manager.

The elderly lady then waits at the end of the checkout to speak to her daughter after she finishes serving me, and that’s when I notice her mischievous grin.

Me: “You totally meant to do that, didn’t you?” *Smirks*

Lady: “H*** yeah, I did!” *Smiles sweetly* “I may have Parkinson’s, but I can still deal with an a**hole or two!”

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It’s Drive THROUGH, Not Drive STOP

, , , | Right | July 23, 2021

It’s a very busy lunch rush and I am taking a customer’s order over the drive-thru headset when he asks for a type of burger that has several different variations. He seems confused, so I explain the differences to him.

Customer: “Hold on. It’s not for me; it’s for someone else. Let me call them and check.”

This isn’t unusual, and it’s better than the customer calling later and accusing us of giving them the wrong burger. He spends so long on the phone, however, that I end up moving from order taker to cashier, handling the customers at the window instead, and another crew person finishes taking the order for me.

Finally, the customer gets to the pass-out window and hands me his card, and I notice he has his phone to his ear. We are required to read back the order at the window to confirm it is correct; however, as soon as I start speaking, the customer holds up his finger, shushes me, and rolls up his window. This means I am unable to confirm the order, give him his drinks, see if he wants a drink carrier, or ask if he needs additional condiments.

Aside from being rude, this slows us down, because we would be getting all this stuff ready while his order was being bagged. I run his card, but because his window is up, I’m not able to hand it back so I set it in front of my register with his receipt. His order comes up not too long after that and I start trying to flag him down and get him to roll his window down, so we can get his order to him.

He looks at me, makes eye contact, and then looks away. I’ve got other orders coming up and I’m pretty annoyed with this guy at this point. I hold up his bag and start waiving energetically. I’m seconds from leaning over and knocking on his window. Finally, he puts his phone down.

Customer: “Sorry about that. I was on an important phone call.”

If it was that important, he could have pulled around in front instead of holding up the drive-thru and wasting time on the lunch breaks of the people behind him. I give him his card back and try to get him his drinks and food handed out as quickly as possible to get the line moving again. At this point, we have all the food and drinks up for the next six cars. That’s all we can fit from the speaker to the window; we can’t take another order until this guy moves.

I hand the customer his bag of food.

Customer: “I just need to check and make sure you got this right.”

My manager, the other cashier, and I just stared in disbelief for a few seconds as this guy, who had already held up the drive-thru for nearly ten minutes, proceeded to pull out each and every sandwich and open and check them all, before I closed the window, walked away to get cookies, and started adding them to all the other car’s bags as a preemptive apology for the wait this guy had caused. 

Apparently, he was satisfied, because he FINALLY drove away. The cars directly behind him were pretty understanding. They could see me trying to give him food for a while and see him sitting there after getting it, but I did have to explain to the cars behind that they were held up because someone decided the drive-thru window was the place to take an “important” phone call.

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These Are Tense Times… Very Tense

, , , , , , , | Working | July 23, 2021

I’m a security guard in my office with the door closed. As is standard for this sort of job, there are windows all around, so anyone can see in and I can see out. I’ve just had a new employee show up and she is currently waiting in the hallway outside of my office for her supervisor to show up and show her around. We’re both wearing masks, as is required here due to the ongoing health crisis.

Well, I end up sneezing and I sneeze LOUD. I do cover it in my arm and all that, and I go to clean up with sanitizer out of habit. The next thing I know, the new employee has burst through the door into my office and started shrieking at me about how I’m going to give her “the rona”. I’m pretty dumbfounded by this and just sit there and stare at her while she’s basically throwing a tantrum, yelling things like how dare I put her at risk (by sneezing in a closed room well away from her whilst wearing a mask) and how she’s going to get me fired for endangering people. 

Karma happens then, as her supervisor finally shows up shortly after and apparently watches for a bit. Once she has seen enough, the supervisor approaches.

Supervisor: “Excuse me. Are you [Employee]?”

Employee: “Yeah!”

Supervisor: “And today’s your first day?”

Employee: “Uh-huh!”

Supervisor: “Wrong. I’m going to go file the termination paperwork in a little bit. Right now I’m seeing that you’re off the property immediately!

And just like that, she was marched off the grounds. I’m glad that we didn’t have to deal with that particular bit of crazy for long. I can’t imagine how bad things would have been if she had exploded at someone like that on the factory floor.

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