Is He Still Dead?

, , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

Me: “Hello, may I speak to [Client], please?”

Receptionist: “[Client] is dead.”

Me: “Pardon?”

Receptionist: “[Client] died.”

Me: “Oh, I’m so sorry to hear that.”

(I end the call and go to my boss.)

Me: “[Boss], I can’t get [Client]. According to his office, he has passed away.”

Boss: “Are you sure?”

Me: “Yes, I asked twice.”

Boss: “Well, call them again to make sure.”

(I had to call again. It was awkward.)

Urine Trouble Now

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(My style is punkish, with colorful hair and piercings. It’s a slow day and I am working the counter on my own when an angry, rather posh-looking customer comes up to me.)

Customer: “Go tell your manager to buy some urinal cakes. Here is 10€, since it seems that your restaurant can’t afford them!”

Me: *confused* “Uhm… Okay?”

(I refuse to take the money, since he’s made his point. He then throws it on the counter.)

Customer: “Take it and go to your manager!”

(As he leaves the counter new customers arrive, so I temporarily put the money in my pocket and take their orders first. While I am quickly serving the last customer, my manager joins me at the counter. Before I can say a word, the angry customer is back.)

Customer: *to the manager* “Did she give you the 10€ for the urinal cakes? Your toilets are really dirty and disgusting, and you should do something about it!”

Manager: “I am sorry that our restrooms seem to be dirty, sir. I will go and check them myself. But what money are you talking about?”

Customer: *to the manager* “I gave her 10€ and told her to give them to you, so you can buy some urinal cakes!” *to me* “You little piece of s***! You put the money in your own pocket without even telling him!”

Me: “I was going to tell him, but then I had to serve new customers. Here: you can have the money back. I didn’t even want to take it in the first place, but you made me.”

Customer: *looking me up and down* “It seems that you are in need of all the money you can get. So, keep it, you poor piece of s***! What a crappy place!”

(He then storms out of the restaurant. My manager takes me to the back to ask what just happened there. I tell him the whole story, afraid that I’m in trouble for this.)

Manager: *laughing* “What an idiot! Just keep the money!”

I Tyre Of Your Timing

, , , , , | Working | October 10, 2017

(My car is due for its MOT, a yearly safety check required by law in the UK, and the tread on my two front tyres is getting close to the legal limit, so I book a mobile tyre company to come change them for me. I book online and get an email that gives me a reference number and confirms that my time slot is from 8:00 to 11:00 am. It also says that on the day of my appointment, I’ll receive text updates. At 10:00 am on the day, I’ve heard nothing, so I call the office to check.)

Me: “Hi, I’ve got a booking today between 8:00 and 11:00, but I’ve heard nothing from you. Could you check what’s happening for me?”

Staff #1: “Okay, what’s your name please?”

Me: “It’s [My Name]. I’ve got my booking reference, if that would help?”

Staff #1: “No, we can’t look up bookings by references. Can you tell me your…” *list of details*

Me: *confirms all details*

Staff #1: “Okay, I’ve found your booking. It’s [reference number], correct?”

Me: *face-palming* “Yes.”

Staff #1: “Right. Thank you for confirming your booking. One of our team will call you back shortly to answer your query.”

Me: “Wait, what?! Why does someone have to call me back? My appointment slot is 8:00 to 11:00. It’s now 10:20, and I have to leave for work by 11:30. I need to know what’s happening.”

Staff #1: *sighs* “Okay, I’ll let them know it’s urgent.”

(She hangs up before I can say anything. Almost half an hour later, having heard nothing from them, I ring back. I have to confirm all of my details again, and I finally get transferred to a member of the sales team, to whom I explain the situation. By now it’s 10:55.)

Staff #2: “Right, I see from your booking form that you could also do after 3:00 pm, is that correct?”

Me: “I said I could do after 3:00 pm if you gave me at least 24 hours notice to rearrange my customers. You sent me an email confirming that my time slot was 8:00 to 11:00 am, so no, I can’t do 3:00 pm any longer.”

Staff #2: *pause* “Oh… Well, the problem is that we don’t actually have your tyres in stock yet, but they should arrive by about 2:00 pm.”

Me: “Why didn’t anyone call to tell me, then?!”

Staff #2: “It says on our notes that someone tried to ring you three times.”

Me: “I’ve been in all morning. My phone has not rung once, and I have no missed calls or voicemails.”

Staff #2: “Umm… Well, I guess we have an incorrect number then.”

Me: “I have the booking confirmation in front of me. Both my home and mobile numbers are listed correctly.”

Staff #2: *stammering now* “What I mean is we must have DIALED the number incorrectly.”

Me: “Three times?”

Staff #2: “Yes. Well. Umm… Is there any way you could do this afternoon? At any time?”

Me: “I can be home at 3:30 pm, but I would have to leave again by 4:00 pm, or I’ll be late to my last customer.”

Staff #2: “Okay. I promise I will have one of our mechanics waiting at your house for 3:30 pm, so they can start as soon as you get there.”

(I get home at 3:30 pm and there is a van outside my house that has the logo for a completely different mobile tyre company on it. I go over to check anyway, and it turns out it is the mechanic there for my booking. When he gets out of the van, he’s wearing a pair of work trousers that have a third mobile tyre company’s name on, and a jumper with a fourth company’s logo on.)

Mechanic: *handing me a bit of paper* “Sign here, and we’re good to go.”

Me: *reading the paper* “I’m not signing this until you’ve finished the job.”

Mechanic: *sighs* “Just sign and I’ll get started.”

Me: “This says that you’ve changed my tyres successfully, that you didn’t damage my car, and that I’m happy with the work you’ve done. I am not signing this until AFTER you’ve changed my tyres!”

(The mechanic grumbled a bit but did start the work. Luckily, after that, things improved. My tyres were changed correctly, and I made it to my last customer on time. When the head office sent me the invoice, they’d also knocked 10% off as an “apology for the error and inconvenience.” I still won’t be using or recommending them again in the future!)

Trying To Weed Out The Confusion

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(I am ringing up a customer who has several packs of alcohol and two packs of cigarettes. My coworker is bored, so she’s trying to help me by bagging everything.)

Coworker: “Would you like a bag?”

Customer: “No, I don’t smoke.”

(My coworker and I exchange very confused looks, and then stare at his cigarettes, wondering what he’s talking about, before he seems to realize something.)

Customer: “Oh! You mean for the alcohol! No, I’m good. I thought you wanted me to buy weed from you, and all I could think was: ‘Why would I buy weed from you? I don’t even know you!’”

I Don’t Work Here, Does Not Work Here, Part 29

, , , , | Right | October 10, 2017

(I’m picking up some wall paper samples. I’m in my own little world so don’t notice another customer stride up to me.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Excuse me!

Me: “Oh, right. Sorry.”

(I move close to the shelves to let her pass.)

Customer: *sighs heavily* “Where are the paper glues?”

Me: “The what?”

Customer: “The paper glues, for putting up wallpaper!”

Me: “Oh, the wallpaper paste. I think I saw them on the end of the aisle.”

Customer: *sarcastically* “Thank you!”

(I shake it off, collect all the samples I want, and prepare to leave. I reach the end of the aisle and see the customer again.)

Customer: *to me* “I can’t see them; where are they?”

Me: “There: the little bags. The ones that say ‘wallpaper paste.’”

Customer:I know that. Which one do I want?”

(I have had about enough; she has been nothing but rude and I have been nothing but patient so far.)

Me: “Look, lady: what does it say on my shirt?”

Customer: “Don’t you speak to me th—”

Me: “What… does… it.. say… on.. my… shirt?”

Customer: “Well, I… it says [Large Engineering Company].”

Me: “So, not [Store]?!”

Customer: *looks at me blankly*

Me: “You are one of the rudest people I have ever met. Why don’t you learn some manners, or better yet, f*** off?!”

Customer: *the colour drains from her face* “That’s it. I’m getting a manager and getting you fired!”

(She storms off, and I stick around to see what happens. A few minutes later she returns with a manager and a smug look on her face.)

Manager: “Er, I’ve had a complaint about one of my workers?”

Me: “Yeah, that would be me, apparently. I told her that I worked for [Engineering Company], but the old battle-axe wouldn’t listen. She has been incredibly rude and condescending this whole time. Frankly, if this is the treatment your staff get, I would give them a raise.”

Customer: *fuming* “Are you going to let him speak to me that way? This little s*** wouldn’t help me at all, and the other guy, the [racial slur], wouldn’t even listen to me.”

Manager: *to her* “I’m too busy to deal with your petty nonsense. If I hear you harassing any of my other customers, I will personally ban you from this store.”

Customer: “But, but… I need my paper-glue!”

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