Stolen From The Amazon

, , , , , , | Right | April 16, 2019

(I work at a major cell phone retailer. We get a lot of prepaid customers that bring their own devices as we are right in front of the mall’s drop-off point for shuttles from the nearby airport. A gentleman in his 80s with a walker comes in.)

Me: “Welcome to [Store]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I need a prepaid account for this phone my daughter bought me.”

Me: “Great. I can help you with that. Which plan would you like?” *goes over available plans*

Customer: “I’ll take plan B.”

Me: “Okay, no problem. I’d be happy to help you with that. Before I set it up, I need to ask if the device is unlocked, because if for some reason the phone does not work on the network, I cannot refund the cost of the service for any reason and I cannot test the device beforehand.”

Customer: “Oh, no, it’s no problem. My daughter bought this phone from [Store]!”

Me: “Great. Let’s set this up. That’ll be $50.”

Customer: “Here you go.”

Me: “Sir, this phone is not activating; let me check a few things that may cause it.” *checks to see if it is reported stolen and it is* “Sir, it appears this phone is reported stolen. May I ask how you received this item?”

Customer: “I DON’T KNOW WHAT YOU’RE GETTING AT! MY DAUGHTER BOUGHT THIS FROM [STORE]! FIX THIS NOW!”

Me: “Sir, as I told you before, since you provided your own device I cannot refund any service provided, as the sim card is ready to go, but your device is reported stolen so it will not work. I can happily sell you a newer and better phone for $29.99 that will work on the service, if you wish.”

Customer: “You’re just trying to steal my money! I’m not afraid to die, you see! You’re stealing from me and I’ll take you out! I’M NOT AFRAID TO DIE!”

Me: “Sir, all I can do is offer you a solution. Please stop yelling in my store.” *while considering how hard it would be justifying hitting an eighty-year-old man, whether he threatened me or not*

Customer: “I’M NOT AFRAID TO DIE, YOU MOTHERF****** [SLUR]! YOU GET A MANAGER NOW.”

Me: *as my managers are small women and I don’t want to risk them getting them involved* “I can tell you now that they will say the same thing, but with the way you are acting, I will not get one until you calm down.”

Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU NEED TO FIX THIS RIGHT NOW!”

Me: “Sir, where did your daughter buy this phone?”

Customer: “OFF AMAZON, YOU MORON! NOW, REPLACE MY PHONE FOR FREE THIS MINUTE OR I’M NOT AFRAID TO DIE OVER THIS!”

Me: “Your daughter bought this phone from someone whole stole it and put it on Amazon. We don’t sell phones on Amazon and we aren’t responsible for your daughter’s stupidity. If you want to threaten me again, I may take it personally.”

Customer: *finally defeated, walks out*

That Escalated Quickly

, , , | Right | April 16, 2019

(I work technical support for a fitness call center. A customer calls about a broken exercise machine.)

Me: “Thank you for verifying your information, Mrs. [Customer]. In case we get disconnected, can I reach you at [phone number]?”

Customer: “If we get disconnected and you do not call back, I will hunt you down and give you the sex change operation you wish you never had.”

Me: *shocked* “Was that a threat?”

Customer: “You had better call back.”

Someone Needs Sensitivity Training

, , , , , | Friendly | April 16, 2019

This was told to me by a friend. This friend of mine lost his grandmother earlier this week, and five months ago lost his mother.

Two days after his grandmother died, his regional manager, who was visiting his branch, said this to his face: “Aren’t you happy? Now you have fewer family members who can die.” Later, she justified herself saying she was just kidding. Strangely enough, my friend didn’t find it funny and answered in quite colorful language.

Getting Mixed Up With The Wrong Kind Of People

, , , , | Working | April 15, 2019

(My dad works late, and on his way home from work he decides to pull into a fast food drive-thru and order a meal. He orders a fish sandwich, a small coffee, fries, and an apple pie. After paying, he pulls up to the second window, the server gives him his food, and then he realizes that he hasn’t gotten his pie or his sandwich. He explains this to the employee, and they go to get him a new one. The manager, a tall, shaggy-looking man who looks like he’d rather be anywhere else, sticks his head out the window.)

Manager:Why have you not driven off yet?

Dad: “Well, they forgot my pie and my sandwich, and they were just going to go get them for me.”

Manager: “SO? You should drive off because you’re holding up the line!”

(My dad looks over his shoulder to see no line, no cars in the parking lot, no one in the restaurant, and no one on the road. He doesn’t want to start anything, so he just parks in the lot. Eventually, the server comes out with a bag and then goes back into the store. My dad finds out that they’ve given him the wrong sandwich, and it’s probably two dollars more, so he walks into the store to pay the rest of the cost. As soon as he walks in, he notices napkins everywhere, cups strewn on the floor, and only half the lights on, despite the fact that this is a 24-hour establishment and customers could come in at any time. He walks up to the counter and waits quietly until another server starts working with him. The manager comes back.)

Manager: “You again?! What do you want?

Dad: “I’ve got the wrong food, but I was just going to pay for it.”

Manager: “You can’t do that.”

Dad: “Well, what am I going to do?”

Manager: “Just give us back the food and leave!”

Server: “Sir, we aren’t allowed to take back messed up food; that’s company policy!”

(The manager is fuming and yelling at my dad and the server, until another man comes in, also holding a bag of food. He turns to them.)

Manager: “What do you need?”

Man: “I just went the drive-thru, and I got a fish sandwich; I ordered a [sandwich that my dad had gotten].”

Dad: “Hey! I got one, and I ordered a fish sandwich; how about we trade?”

Manager: “No! You’re not allowed to do that!”

Server: “Why not? They paid for them, and the food is theirs now. We can’t take it back.”

(Before the manager can respond, one of the few workers — many of them have stopped to watch — blurts out:)

Worker: “Hey, [Manager], aren’t those the meals that you put together that we told you that’d you mixed up?”

(The man and my dad started laughing and leaving. The workers began to laugh, too, as the manager stormed into the bathroom.)

Scream If You Don’t Want To Go Faster

, , , , | Right | April 14, 2019

(I work at a call center that uses an online ticket system for open issues and assigns the tickets a priority level. Our “Tier 2” team then works the tickets based on the level of urgency: the high priority tickets are dealt with within a day, medium within two or three, and low priority about a week. Our company is a subsidiary of a well-known, multi-billion dollar corporation, and as such, they very much have the “customer is always right” attitude. To retain our sanity with horrible customers, we have developed a subtle way to “stick it” to them when they’re being obnoxiously rude: knocking their priority level down. The customer still ends up with a resolution, but not nearly as expeditiously as they would have if they had behaved civilly. One customer finally catches on after months of slow resolutions after being constantly verbally abusive.)

Caller: “I don’t understand why this s*** takes so long. I yell to light a fire under your a**es and it just takes longer than ever! Meanwhile, my friend, [Other Regular Caller], says when he calls his tickets seem to be processed right away! This is bulls***!”

Me: “Oh, you’re friends with [Regular]?! He’s such a sweetheart. He just called in this morning. He talked about how he was traveling in a few days to spend some time with his mom and he wanted to see if we could push his ticket through before he left. We really aren’t supposed to, but it’s so hard to say no to someone so nice!”

Caller: “SEE?! How come he gets priority and you lazy f*****s all drag my s*** out?”

(Suddenly, the line goes quiet.)

Caller: *clearly coming to an epiphany* “Ah. I think I get it. I’m an a**hole. [Regular] is nice. You guys do nice things for nice people. Well, ain’t that some s***! I’ve been going about this the wrong way!”

(He did a quick 180 and started being one of our nicest callers, even though we knew it was just to get “expedited service” — which wasn’t really expedited; it was just not knocked down — but we didn’t even mind. We were just happy to have one less screamer!)

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