Take Your Skinny Soy Mochaccinos Somewhere Else

, , , , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(I work in a small cafe in Los Angeles. My husband and I own it. I am working the morning shift and a rather upper-class-looking man comes in.)

Me: “Hello, sir! Welcome to [Cafe]. What would you like today?”

Customer: “I want the [drink that a major coffee shop has].”

Me: “Sorry, but we don’t make that.”

(He shoves a piece of paper at me, and it has instructions for creating said drink.)

Me: “Sir, I can’t make this for you. Sorry.”

Customer: “I want to speak to a manager.”

Me: “Sir, I own the cafe with my husband. I cannot make this for you!”

Customer: “Well, let me speak to your husband. Women are useless.”

(I am considering kicking him out, but I yell for my husband, who comes out from the back room. I tell him what the customer said.)

Husband: “Get out.”

Customer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “You heard him. Get out.”

Customer: “No. You can’t make me. I’ll call the police for harassment!”

Husband: “Get out, or I will assist you in exiting myself.”

Customer Behind Him: “Get the f*** out. No one wants to hear your stupid-a** comments. Go home to your sad little life.”

(He then grabbed the man by the collar and shoved him outside. He got free coffee.)

The Crutch Of The Argument

, , , , , | Friendly | June 18, 2018

(I am on crutches due to a bad ankle sprain. I am headed through a shopping centre when a woman a few feet ahead of me stops and turns round to look at me.)

Woman: “Could you stop making that noise? It’s very annoying.”

(I keep walking, thinking she is talking to someone else.)

Woman: “Are you deaf? I said stop making that annoying noise. ‘Click click click.’”

Me: “You’re talking to me?”

Woman: “Obviously.”

Me: “That ‘annoying noise’ is my crutches. I can’t help it.”

Woman: “Then stop walking behind me. Just stop until I’m not there.”

Me: “Or you could walk a bit faster instead of meandering along like a zombie with your face buried in your phone, and then you’ll be out of hearing range quicker. I’m not going to stop and wait just because you’re a selfish cow.”

Lemonading At The Crack Of Dawn

, , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(The first customer of the day drives up to our drive-thru window without ordering. Sometimes this happens, so I open the window to get her order.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Fast Food Chain]; what would you like?”

Customer: “Morning! Can I get [order]?”

Me: “Sure thing. What would you like to drink?”

Customer: “Let’s see… Can I get a lemonade?”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but we don’t serve lemonade here.”

Customer: *suddenly loses it* “WHAT THE F***? WHY DON’T YOU HAVE ANY? YOU ALWAYS HAVE SOME!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m sorry, but since I have been here we have never had lemonade.”


Me: “Ma’am, I am a supervisor, and have been working here for three years, and I promise you we have never sold lemonade.”

Customer: “F*** YOU!”

(The woman immediately drives away without anything. I turn to my manager who is holding the bag of food.)

Manager: “What the hell was that?”

Me: “Our first customer.”

Going To An Adult Store Doesn’t Mean They Behave Like Adults

, , , , | Right | June 18, 2018

(I work in an adult store, and in order to enter, you have to be at least 18 years old. A group of customers have just started walking into the store when I notice one of them has a baby with her.)

Me: “Ma’am, you can’t bring your baby in here. Anybody that comes in has to be at least 18 years old.”

Customer #1: *with a blank stare* “You have got to be s***ting me!”

(The customers agree that one of the women in the group will buy what she needs, then go outside and watch the baby so the mother can come back in. About ten minutes later, the mother comes back in without her baby. Note, it is ten pm at night and dark out.)

Customer #2: “Where is the baby?”

Customer #1: “Oh, she fell asleep, so I left her in the car.”

Customer #2: “Did you at least lock the doors?”

Customer #1: “Oh, that might be a good idea!” *runs to the door and uses the automatic locks to lock the car*

Me: *stands there with a shocked expression not sure what to do*

(Thankfully, they all did their shopping pretty fast and were out of the store within a few minutes. I still can’t believe that first she tried to bring her kid into an adult store… and then left the baby unattended, at night, in the car!)

Suddenly Got Wood

, , , , , , | Learning | June 18, 2018

(My woodshop teacher tells us this story, and it is one of his more memorable ones. A couple years ago there was a girl in his class who was known to wear less-than-appropriate clothing, and on this day she was wearing a crop top showing her belly button. This is important to note, as well as the fact that she has no martial arts or sports training. Also, this teacher is known for throwing items.)

Girl: “Hey, Mr. [Teacher], can you please cut me this piece of wood?”

Teacher: “Of course, one sec.”

(He then throws the piece of wood which he is currently working on towards the wood recycling. He accidentally lets go early, causing the jagged piece of wood with splinters EVERYWHERE to fly towards the girl’s belly button.)

Girl: “Oh, yeah, Mr. [Teacher]? Can you check my worksheet after this? I had some questions.”

(She then proceeds to catch the piece of wood between two fingers, right as it is about to hit her, and continues to speak. She twirls it around as everyone stares at her in awe, and she looks down to realize she is holding a piece of wood.)

Girl: “Where did this come from?”

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