A Great Model To Keep Up With

, , , , | Learning | March 23, 2020

(This happened to my sister who runs a dance studio that also offers aerobics, Zumba, and other workout classes. One of her longtime clients and friends is a model who tends to draw attention to herself due to her oversized breast implants. This happens when my sister is teaching a Tae Bo class which is about half first-timers. Ten minutes before class starts:)

New Girl #1: *points to the model* “Hey, slut, this isn’t the strippercise class. This is for people who actually want to exercise.”

Model: “I know what class this is; I signed up because it compliments my boxing lessons.”

New Girl #2: *sarcastically* “Sure, whatever you say. Just don’t complain if you get tired and can’t keep up; you look like you’re carrying a bit of extra weight.”

(The model just stares at them quietly. According to my sister, variants of this joke have been levied at said model at least a dozen times before.)

Sister: “All right, girls, let’s get to it! First break isn’t for forty-five minutes.”

(Both new girls are absolutely exhausted by break time; neither one of them looks like they can even stand.) 

Model: *feigning worry* “Oh, dear! You seem beat. But how can that possibly be?! I mean, I’m carrying so much more extra weight and I still feel fine.”

(Both girls just glowered at her and tried to get up to finish the class. They lasted about ten minutes into the second half before they finally couldn’t take it and ducked out early.)

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Mini Candy, Major Brat

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2020

(I work in a self-serve ice cream store where all of the toppings are out front for customers to reach. A mother and three daughters, ages six to sixteen, are pouring toppings into their bowls.)

Mom: “Now, girls, be careful and don’t make a mess, or you’ll be the ones cleaning it up!”

Sixteen-Year-Old: “Oh, I’m not going to be cleaning up anything. That’s not my job.” 

(She took a big spoonful of mini candy, looked me in the eyes, smirked, and dropped the candy onto the floor. The mother didn’t say a thing.)

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Little Miss Entitlement

, , , , , | Right | March 20, 2020

(I’m sitting across from some not-so-nice customers. They have small children misbehaving. The youngest just chucked their plate of food down on the floor.)

Mom: “Oh. You. You!” *snapping at her waiter now*

Waiter: “Yes? My name’s [Waiter]. Oh, no, you dropped your plate!”

Mom: “No, she disagrees with the food. My child’s intelligent and gifted enough to know what she wants. This is a sign that your food is not to her taste and I demand a free meal for this poor treatment.”

Waiter: “I’m sorry?”

Mom: “Are you saying my child’s not an equally valued customer like the rest of us?! How rude! Does this establishment not value children?”

Waiter: “Um, I’m sorry about that. I’ll go run to the back and get this settled.”

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If Parenting Is A Sliding Scale Then He’s Drowning At The Bottom

, , , , , | Right | March 15, 2020

I have worked as a lifeguard over the summer for several years. One part of the pool is a water slide. The rules for the slide are that people have to be over 42 inches and must be able to swim on their own. One lifeguard is always at the bottom of the slide just in case, but we aren’t allowed to catch kids. They have to be able to get out on their own.

One day, there’s a dad with his three kids at the pool. I am working the slide, and I chat some with the very polite dad as his kids climb up the stairs to the slide. His youngest son is terrified, but he eventually ends up going down. He panics at the bottom, though, and starts drowning. I immediately scoop him up and help him up the stairs.

Normally, we would tell them they can’t go down anymore because of the rules, but I don’t say anything because I don’t know if he can swim and he just got scared. The kid goes back up, still scared, but not as much. I end up having to save him a second time.

I tell the dad, “Hey, your son needs to be able to swim on his own for this ride. He can go again a third time, but if I have to save him, he won’t be able to go down anymore.”

The dad blows up. He starts cussing at me and telling me I’m not doing my job correctly, and meanwhile, his kid is going down the slide for a third time. I am ignoring the dad at this point, and I scoop up the kid who is drowning for the third time in a row. The dad starts yelling at his kid, too.

He says, “You’re gonna have to handle your own s*** because she doesn’t give a f*** about you!”

I just kind of stare at him, like, yeah, I just saved your drowning six-year-old son, but I don’t care at all? The guy ends up going to my managers about it, who tell him I did exactly what I was supposed to. Good times.

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Taking Breaks To Breaking Point

, , , , , | Working | March 13, 2020

(A coworker and I are hired for holiday help at a kiosk in the middle of the mall, separate from the main store. My coworker says he’s a smoker and says he may need to take occasional smoke breaks. Neither of us actually has any authority and we’re basically newbies left alone to man the till. One hour in, he is very antsy, pacing back and forth, fidgeting, and scratching at his arms like there are bugs crawling all over him:)

Coworker: “Hey, I need to take a smoke break. I’ll be back in five.”

(He comes back ten minutes later, and I don’t actually smell any tobacco on him. One hour goes by, he gets very fidgety again, and again he runs off for another “smoke break.” Again, there is no smell of tobacco about him. I take my fifteen-minute break, having worked two hours nonstop while he has taken two ten-minute breaks in the same amount of time. By the time the third hour hits, he is extremely antsy and finally flips out.)

Coworker: “I CAN’T TAKE THIS! I QUIT!”

(I got a call from the manager, who was alarmed that my former coworker came storming through the shop declaring that he quit, leaving me alone at the kiosk. I explained everything that had happened, and other coworkers from the main store covered the remainder of my breaks. No one was hired to replace him, and I ended up working alone for most of my time at the kiosk for the remainder of the season.)

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