Send In The Clowns

, , , | Right | January 27, 2008

(Almost thirty kids are lined up at the Velcro wall waiting to ride. We have about five minutes until our troupe leaves. One of the parents comes up to me.)

Mother: “I want my son to ride this ride.”

Me: “Ma’am, I don’t think there’s enough time for all these kids to–”

Mother: “I don’t care if he’s the last one. I want him to ride this ride.”

Me: “This ride is going to shut down in about five minutes. There isn’t enough time for–”

Mother: “He can be the last in line, then.”

Me: “He can wait in line but probably won’t be able to–”

Mother: “Fine.”

(The mother walks away and returns some time after the ride is shut down and all kids are turned away.)

Mother: “Hey! HEY! I thought we agreed that my child would get on the ride.”

Me: “That’s not what we agreed to.”

Mother: “Well, put the ride back up so he can ride it.”

Me: “I’m sorry but we can’t do all that for one child.”

Mother: “Why not?! You’re just being f***ing stubborn.”

Me: “If you have any complaints you can speak to the clown over there. Have a nice day.”

Mother: “I don’t want to talk to any d*** clown.”

Me: “That clown is my boss.”

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So This Is Why People Have Kids

, , , , | Right | January 18, 2008

(It’s Christmas Eve and there is a long line of customers who are now waiting to pay. A little girl cuts to the front while I am giving a guy a drink refill.)

Little Girl’s Mom: *to the refill guy* “UGH! Did you just cut her?”

(The mom smacks the guy on the head; surprisingly, he just walks off with his soda.)

Me: “What can I get you?”

Little Girl’s Mom: “Don’t ask me, ask her! She’s your customer; you should be asking her. God, it’s people like you who ruin the holidays!”

Me: *to the little girl* “Okay, what would you like?”

(The little girl just stares blankly at me while customers are becoming pissed.)

Little Girl’s Mom: *coming clean* “Just give me a diet [Soda]. It’s for me.”

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Just A Teensy Bit Dramatic

, , | Right | December 22, 2007

Customer: “I’m on my way to the kennels and my cat here needs an injection to get in.”

Me: “Well, you need an appointment for that. We’re fully booked until tomorrow afternoon.”

Customer: “If you’re going to be so difficult, I’ll take my cat elsewhere and get it put down!”

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The Agony And The Ecstasy

, , | Right | December 18, 2007

(I am working for a call center that exclusively deals with UPS.)

Me: “Thank you for calling. How may I help you?”

Client: “I need to track a package.”

Me: “I would be happy to help you with that. Do you have a tracking number?”.

Client: “Yes, I do…” *proceeds to read off the tracking number*

Me: “I’m sorry, that’s not coming up as a valid tracking number. There doesn’t appear to be enough numbers. Could you read it to me again?”

(The client gives me the number again, to no avail. I spend the next few minutes attempting to use what information is available to try and locate the package… with the client coming close to tears when I am unsuccessful. Finally, her boyfriend comes on the line and proceeds to yell at and berate me, using all sorts of expletives, due to my inability to find this package.)

Client’s Boyfriend: “Look, I can’t understand why you cannot locate this package. I mean, I have the tracking number. It says right here, FEDEX TRACKING NUMBER!”

(There is a pause.)

Client’s Boyfriend: *sheepishly* “This is UPS, isn’t it?”

Me: “Yep. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

(*click*)

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Shove It Up Your Asana

, , | Right | December 16, 2007

Customer: “I’d like to have this book.” *holding a yoga book about relaxation with discount sticker on it*

Me: “I’m sorry, sir. There seems to have been a mistake here. The book is to be sold at full price. The sticker was put on it by mistake.”

Customer: *A bit frustrated* “Can I get a discount anyway?”

Me: “I’ll see what I can do.” *trying to change the price in the register* “I’m sorry. This book has a locked price.”

Customer: “Well, shove it up your a**hole, then!” *storms out*

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