The Spite At The End Of The Tunnel

, , , | Right | June 26, 2009

(I’ve had a migraine all day on the job at the grocery store. I am making a valiant effort to fake it just a little longer, when…)

Customer: “You look too happy.”

Me: “Well, I’m–”

Customer: “I can fix that.”

(The customer proceeds to pull out something from her purse and shine a very bright light in my eyes. I take several steps back in pain.)

Customer: “There! I told you we could fix that!”

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Honesty Against The Best Policies

, , | Right | June 18, 2009

(We have a five-item max policy for our changing rooms. One lady walks out with arms full of stuff, then goes back for more.)

Me: “Excuse me, it’s only five items in the changing rooms.”

Customer: “Well, it’s never been that before.”

Me: “Actually, we’ve been enforcing it for the last 18 months. See, there’s a sign.” *points at sign on wall*

Customer: “I don’t actually read signs.”

Me: “Well, at least you’ll know for next time.”

Customer: “Oh, I won’t read it next time, either.”

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Saving The Earth, 7 MPG At A Time

, | Right | June 11, 2009

(A customer comes up to the counter with her arms full of books. After I ring them all through, I proceed to put her books in a bag.)

Customer: “Actually, I don’t need a bag. I’m doing my part to save the environment!”

Me: “Oh, okay, then!”

(I hand her her receipt and wish her a nice day, but she doesn’t move.)

Customer: “Excuse me… aren’t you going to help me carry my books to my car?”

Me: “I’m sorry, I can’t. I’m the only employee working here and there are other customers.”

Customer: “I beg your pardon? That’s rather rude! Help me carry my books to my car! They do it at grocery stores all the time. There is no reason why you can’t do it here!”

Me: “We don’t do that sort of thing here. If you want, you can bring back your bags. We’ll gladly re-use them.”

Customer: “No, I can’t do that! Now help me take my books to the car!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. I just can’t leave the store unattended.”

Customer: “Fine! But if I drop my books and damage them, you’re giving me free replacements!”

(The customer scoops all her books up in her arms and storms out. I watch her walk all the way across to the other side of the parking lot, stop, and intentionally drop her books into a puddle. She stomps back in and barges her way to the front of the line.)

Customer: “See? Look what happened! Give me your phone right now! I am calling your managers and you’re going to get fired!”

Me: “All right, here is the number for our downtown store.”

(The customer picks up the store phone and begins dialing.)

Customer:“Yes, I need to speak with the manager right away… Yeah. I’m at your south store and your incompetent employee wouldn’t help me carry my books to my car. I dropped them and now they are ruined!… Well, yes… Yes, she did offer me bags… No, I’m not disabled… Yes, I’m aware that she’s the only… What?! I can’t believe this!”

(The customer hangs up the phone, defeated, and turns to me.)

Customer: “You should be ashamed of yourself! At least I’m saving the environment!”

(I watched her walk through the parking lot again and get into her vehicle. Ironically, it was a huge SUV.)

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Has The Authority To Tell You How It Is

, , , , , , | Right | June 6, 2009

(I am 17, working at an outlet for a hardware shop. I have an irate customer who wants a discount because — get this — the drills were too hard to find! He didn’t ask anyone where to find them. He gets a bit abusive after I tell him I can’t do that, and interrupts me before I can get in, “but I can call the manager to handle that.” However, the manager is actually walking past at the time and hears most of the one-sided conversation. He fronts up to this bloke, and says in one of those suppressed-anger sorts of voices the following awesome rebuttal:)

Manager: “Do you know how old this boy is? Do you know how much he earns?”

Customer: “No. Why should I care?” *a lot more calmly, because the manager is a big bloke*

Manager: “He’s 17. And he earns $6 an hour.”

Customer: “Wh—”

Manager: *louder* “Do you know how much authority he has to give you a discount? Not none at all. Not zero. Less than none; less than zero.”

Customer: “How c—”

Manager:Because, if he works hard, in a year or two he’ll get a promotion, and then he’ll have no f****** authority to give you a discount. Since he’s lower on the scale than that, he must have less than zero authority to do it now, get it?”

Customer: “Well, I—”

Manager: “HE’S SO FAR DOWN THE LINE OF AUTHORITY, HE HAS TO STAND ON A F****** LADDER TO TIE HIS SHOES!”

Customer: “Bu—”

Manager: “Furthermore, sir, he’s a minor, and the way you were talking to him is abuse of a minor, and you could be arrested for it.”

Customer: “Uh, I—”

Manager: “So, in future, if you want a discount, ask someone in authority. Ask me! Don’t abuse the staff; they can’t do anything. I’m the one who can! I’m the only one! Now, put the drills back or pay the full amount, because I’m not going to give you a discount, because you’re a s***head!”

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Would You Like A Foot To Go With Your Mouth

, , | Right | June 5, 2009

(I’m a customer and overhear this exchange while waiting in line.)

Barista: “Here’s your change… Have a nice day.”

Customer: “You know, you haven’t smiled once.”

Barista: “Sorry.”

Customer: “I’m so sick of the attitude of people in the service industry! Is it so hard to give your customers a smile as you’re pouring water through beans? You all are so arrogant. It makes me sick!”

Barista: *eyes begin to well up*

Customer: “Why aren’t you smiling?!”

Barista: “…because my father died last night.”

(You could hear a pin drop. The customer was literally glared out of the shop, forgetting her coffee.)

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