Disappointed By A Lack Of Disappointment, Part 2

, , , , | Right | October 28, 2009

Me: “Thank you for calling [Tech Support]. How can I help you?”

Customer: “My device won’t charge!”

Me: “Okay, is it plugged in right now?”

Customer: “No, but it doesn’t charge!”

Me: “Okay, ma’am, just to cover all the bases, can you plug it back in for me?”

Customer: “Okay, but it won’t charge!” *pause* “G** D*** it! It’s charging!”

Me: “Well, it sounds like it was a one-time glitch, but if it gives you any more problems, please call us right away so we can get it fixed for you, okay?”

Customer: “I’m not going to call you back! You’re just going to make it work again!”

 

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One Ring To Sue Them All

, , , | Right | October 27, 2009

(I am a shift manager at a restaurant. I have many facial piercings, but always take them out for work.)

Me: “Hello, this is the manager speaking, what seems to be the problem today?”

Caller: “I am calling to complain about one of your staff. They have horrendous facial piercings. It’s disgusting!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am, but I must let you know that all of our staff are required to take out any piercings before starting their shift. What did this employee look like?”

Caller: “She looked like the devil! She had piercings in her lip nose and eyebrow!”

(I am the only one with these piercings, so she must be referring to me.)

Me: “Okay, ma’am, are you sure you saw this employee at the restaurant?”

Caller: “No, she was at the supermarket!”

Me: “You’re calling about one of our employees while they were off duty?”

Caller: “Yes! She never has them on at your restaurant, so they must have fallen into my food!”

Me: *speechless*

Caller: “YOU’RE GETTING SUED!”

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Why We Can Always Use A Hug

, | Right | October 26, 2009

Coworker: “It’s always so chilly up here near the door!”

Me: “I know, but I’d rather work in a store that’s a little chilly than a store that’s too hot. You can always put another layer on–”

Customer: “Well, you don’t matter.”

Me: “I’m sorry?”

Customer: “That’s right. You don’t matter. It’s the customer that’s right. If the store is too cold for the customer, there is a problem.”

Me: “Yes, ma’am, but–”

Customer: “But you don’t matter!”

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Dr. Jekyll And Mrs. Hyde, Part 2

, , , , , | Right | October 19, 2009

(I’m ringing up a sweater for a customer at the till.]

Customer: “This isn’t for me. It’s for that homeless guy across the street.”

Me: “That’s very kind of you, ma’am.”

Customer: “I know! It’s important to give back to the less fortunate.”

(As I’m finishing with the transaction, she glances around the store.)

Customer: “Wow, it’s pretty dead in here.”

Me: “Yeah, we get a slow day every now and again.”

Customer: “Well, I know that. I figured there would be a lot of people cashing their welfare cheques today.”

(I’m not sure what to say to that, so I finish the transaction. As I’m putting the sweater in the bag with the rest of her items…)

Customer: “Woah! Put that in a different bag, please. I don’t want that bum’s sweater touching my stuff!”

 

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Bananas About The Boob Tube

, , , | Right | October 15, 2009

(I work in the home insurance department for a large insurer. We offer standard Buildings and Contents with an optional add-on of Home Emergency. This is for burst pipes, boilers going down, etc.)

Me: “Good afternoon, you’re through to [My Name]. How can I help you today?”

Customer: “I’ve just bought a new TV. Is it covered under my Contents insurance?”

Me: “Yes, it will be covered under Contents.”

Customer: “And is it covered under Home Emergency?”

Me: “Sorry, how do you mean?”

Customer: *sighs* “I MEAN, how long will it take for you to get a replacement television out to me if this one stops working?”

Me: “Um… unfortunately your television is not covered under Home Emergency.”

Customer: “Why not?!”

Me: “We don’t class a broken television as an emergency.”

Customer: “Well, I do, and I know I’m right! What do I do if my television breaks and I can’t watch my programmes? GOD D*** PHONE MONKEYS!” *hangs up*

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