Flying The Foul-Mouthed Skies

, , , | | Right | August 4, 2009

(Note: when checking in for a flight, customers are asked to provide the customer service agent with a 6-digit code.)

Me: “May I have your confirmation code please, ma’am?”

Customer: “Sure. It’s ‘A’ as in a**hole, ‘F’ as in f***, 1, 5, ‘B’ as in b****, and ‘C’ as in c**t.”

Me: *flabbergasted* “Um, okay… thank you. I’ll just find you in the system…”

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Shooting Yourself In The Foot After Getting It In The Door

, , | | Right | July 27, 2009

(A woman with a resume approaches our hostess at 6 pm on a very busy Friday night.)

Woman: “I’d like to speak to a manager, please.”

Hostess: “They’re all busy right now, but I can take your resume and pass it along.”

Woman: “No. I want to speak with a manager now.”

Hostess: “Well, like I said, they’re all unavailable right now, but I can pass along–”

Woman: “No. I want a manager now. I want them to put a face to the name on the resume. I want to be professional!”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, but you’ve walked in at the beginning of the dinner rush. Perhaps you should try coming back during the slow times, usually 3-5 pm?”

Woman: “No. I am here now, and I will speak with a manager now! You are being unprofessional!”

Hostess: “I’m sorry, ma’am, I really can’t ask them to conduct an interview when they are backed up with orders.”

Woman: “Fine! This is a waste of my time!”

(The woman rips her resume in two, drops it on the floor, and storms out the front door. Suffice to say, she wasn’t professional enough for the job.)

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Butthead, The Incontinence Years

, , , | | Right | July 23, 2009

(I notice a customer is standing in front of a freezer. After remaining there for several minutes, I get concerned.)

Me: “Sir, can I help you?”

(At this point, I notice that he’s urinated in the freezer. The customer turns around, zips up his fly, and then pulls his shirt over his head.)

Customer: “I AM CORNHOLIO! I NEED TP FOR ME BUNGHOLE!” *runs away*

Coworker: “They don’t pay us enough for this.”

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Beauty Is In The Eye Of The Consumer

, , , | | Right | July 14, 2009

(I was closing one night, and it was slow. A nervous-looking man came in and went to go order his drink.)

Me: “Hi, welcome to [Coffee Shop]! What can I get for you this evening?”

Customer: “Um… yes. Can I get a coffee?”

Me: “Okay, anything else tonight?”

Customer: “Yes…” *takes out a piece of paper* “An iced venti unsweetened black tea.”

Me: “Okay, your total is $4.30.”

Customer: *frowns* “How much is the iced tea?”

Me: “It’s $2.28… do you want me to take it off?”

Customer: “No… you see, I’m on a blind date. My date told me that her regular drink at [Coffee Shop] was this iced tea… and also that the price of the iced tea is her weight.”

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There Is Such A Thing As A Free Lunch

, , | | Right | July 14, 2009

(I’m eating lunch at the front desk of our framing shop when I get called to the back. When I return to the front, I notice a customer standing in front of my sandwich at the desk.)

Customer: “Hi.”

Me: “Good afternoon. Is there anything I can help you with today?”

Customer: “No.” *stares at my sandwich*

Me: “Well, are you in need of assistance?”

(The woman suddenly snatches up my sandwich.)

Me: “Ma’am, that’s my lunch. Please give it back to me.”

Customer: “I was walking by and I got hungry.”

Me: “Ma’am, there’s a deli down the street. Please do not eat my lunch.”

Customer: “But it was on the counter. That means it’s complimentary! It’s my sandwich and I’m going to eat it.”

(At this point, my coworker comes out the back.)

Coworker: *to me* “Isn’t that your lunch?”

Customer: “It’s my lunch now! MINE.” *starts eating the sandwich* “This has MAYONNAISE in it!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. Ham and mayo.”

Customer: “I hate mayonnaise! It looks and tastes like sperm!” *throws my sandwich on the floor and runs out the door*

Me: “…What just happened?”

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