The Problem With Public Transport Is The Public

, , , , , | Friendly | May 10, 2021

It’s a few days before lockdown in the UK, very early in the morning. Panic buying has cleaned a lot of the shelves during the day, so I have decided to try and get to the shop as early as possible to give myself a sporting chance of getting something to eat. So, instead of my usual Saturday lie-in, I’m out the door just after six, feeling very tired and grumpy.

There’s a couple already on the bus arguing away. After a bit, the man storms to the front and sits down, but they continue to argue loudly. I put up with it for a few minutes, but there is only so much I can take.

Me: “Will you please both be quiet?!”

Man: “It’s none of your business!”

Me: “You’re absolutely right, but I can hear everything you’re saying!”

They continue but a bit quieter. After a minute, the woman moves and sits down next to the man, and they argue even more.

The bus is running ahead of schedule, so it waits at one of the stops for a few minutes. By now, the volume has increased to the point that I shout:


The driver gets up.

Bus Driver: “I’ve had enough of the both of you. If you don’t shut up, you’ll be thrown off the bus.”

They do shut up at this. The woman mouths to me that she is sorry; the man just looks sullen. The journey continues, this time in blissful silence.

A stop or two later, they quietly leave, at least until the door closes. The argument resumes, but at least it is out of earshot. At my stop, I speak to the driver.

Me: “Thank you for getting them to shut up.”

Bus Driver: “Yeah, I was getting fed up with them, too.”

Me: “Can you imagine what it would be like if they were quarantined together? I wouldn’t be at all surprised if, by the end of the year, I saw either one of their photos in the news about how they were serving life for murder!”

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She’s A Jerk In All Dimensions

, , , , | Right | May 10, 2021

I work at a small movie theater that specializes in 3D movies but has a very limited number of reusable 3D glasses. Therefore, we’re pretty strict about the rule that each guest only gets one pair of glasses. This poses a problem as we have kid glasses for very young children and 2D glasses for people who get headaches from the 3D effect.

A mom and her three kids are holding up the line getting into the theater.

Mom: “I need my kids to have one of each pair so they can change if they don’t like it!”

Me: “Sorry, the rule is that everyone gets only one pair. Your kids seem much too old for the kid glasses, anyway.”

After a few minutes of arguing she finally relents and hands back the kid glasses I gave her initially to trade me for the adult glasses.

However, as she turns to go into the theater, she lunges at me, literally snatches the handful of glasses out of my hands, and charges off into the theater.

The worst part? At the end of the day, two three-year-olds had to wear giant glasses because we ran out of ki’ ones. I got yelled at for that, too, of course. Thanks, lady.

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Fat Chance Of An Apology, Part 2

, , , | Right | May 9, 2021

A male patron pushes ahead of other patrons, demanding service first.

Coworker: “Please wait your turn, sir.”

Patron: “Just serve me, b****!”

Coworker: “You might want to find another library if you’re going to treat women that way.”

Patron: “Call your boss. I’m getting you fired.”

The request goes to me, a manager, before going up to the boss. The boss, a happy yes-man, just refers the fellow back to me. Sure enough, Mr. Delightful calls up the next night and demands to speak with me.

I let him rant for a while and don’t say much because it would be a waste of breath to do so; he isn’t going to listen to me anyway. When he takes a breath:

Me: “I sympathize that it was a terrible thing for my colleague to ask you to have manners. However, I do not just have my librarian’s word on what you said to her, but also the corroboration of several patrons who said you were rude for no reason.”

Patron: “I don’t care! You need to fire her and demand that she write me a letter of apology!”

Me: “That isn’t going to happen, sir.”

Patron: “You need to do something about them fat b****es you got. They both hate men. You need to fire them, ’cause they are fat and they are b****es! I hate fat b****es!”

My last nerve has frayed completely.

Me: “Sir, I think you should be aware that if you want to deal with fat b****es, you are talking to the queen of fat b****es. If that’s how you are talking to my staff, I think you should be writing us a letter of apology. I will thank you to either behave yourself and wait your turn or, as my colleague suggested, find yourself another library in another town. Good night.”

I hung up and was sick to my stomach as I just KNEW he would call my supervisor to complain. I wrote up a quick report to email to the boss and went about my duties for the rest of the evening.

It’s been three years. I am happy to say that I never did hear from my boss about any complaints and, surprisingly, Mr. Delightful has been nothing but a model patron ever since.

Fat Chance Of An Apology

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Their Bad Behavior Is In The Bag

, , , , , | Right | May 8, 2021

My friend makes one-of-a-kind accessories such as bags, belts, jewellery, etc., which she sells online and at local markets. I have one of her handbags which I use every day, and I often get random people commenting on it. 

One day, I’m shopping in a smallish independent clothing store. There are only two other customers, a mother and her teenage daughter, and the cashier in the shop.

Girl: “Oh, I love that bag.”

Me: “Thanks. I do, too.”

Girl: “Where are they? I want one.”

Me: “Sorry, but this isn’t from here. My friend made it.”

Girl: “Give it to me.”

She holds her hand out.

Me: “No, I’m not giving you my handbag. You can find similar ones at some markets, or she sells them online. Each one is a one of a kind.”

Girl: “No, I want that one. Give it to me now!

Me: “Yeah, not happening.”

I turn away to look at something and she grabs hold of my bag and pulls on it. I just swing my body away, causing her to stumble.

Mother: “What the h***?! You just assaulted my daughter. Give her the bag now!”

Me: “Look, your daughter tried to take my handbag. I didn’t touch her.”

Mother: “So, she wants the bag. You need to give it to her. You can get another one.”

Me: “Lady, I’m not giving her my handbag. Now back off.”

Mother: *Screaming* “Help! This b**** just assaulted a minor and stole her bag. Help!”

Cashier: “You! You’ve both been warned before about causing problems in here. You both need to leave.”

Mother: “What?! She just assaulted my baby and stole her bag. Call the police. I’ll have you both arrested and the shop shut down.”

Cashier: “I saw the whole thing, and so did the cameras which also record audio. Now you both need to leave unless this young lady wants to press charges for attempted theft.”

The daughter started crying while the mother turned some interesting shades of red before pushing a display over and grabbing her daughter by the arm, and they both ran out the door.

I helped clean up the display but decided against pressing charges. After speaking more with the cashier who turned out to be the owner, I found out that they’d only just been allowed back in the store after harassing an older lady over a pair of glasses that the mother wanted. I was given a discount on my purchases and passed along my friend’s details. Now, the shop sells my friend’s accessories and I work part-time in the shop.

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Declining To Comment On The Quality Of Your Card

, , , , | Right | May 8, 2021

In this buffet restaurant, you pay as you enter, and then you can go up to the buffet as many times as you’d like. I’m working on the till on a Saturday night and the evening rush is in full swing with a massive queue of people

Me: “Welcome to [Restaurant]. That’ll be £16.99, please. Cash or card?”

Customer: “Card.”

He uses contactless payment, and I notice that his card is very beaten up and broken in places. The card is declined.

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, your card was declined. Would you like to try again? Please try inserting your card this time as the contactless sometimes plays up on this machine.”

Customer: “It can’t be a problem with my card! There’s over two grand on this card!”

Me: “I’m very sorry, sir. If you wouldn’t mind just trying again but inserting your card this time?”

He tries again and the card is declined again. This goes on for another couple of minutes without any luck. He gets increasingly angrier and starts swearing at me. 

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but your card isn’t working. Do you have any cash you can use to pay for your meal instead?”

Customer: “Am I going to have to go through all of this s*** every time I want to buy a drink tonight?! There is enough f****** money on my card to pay for this s***! It must be your f****** card machine!”

After yelling and swearing at me for a couple of minutes more, he pulled a £20 note out and used that instead. I processed the payment and sent him through, but before he left, he yelled at me some more about how it was my fault, all while holding up the queue.

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