Charisma Is Clearly This Troll’s Lowest Attribute

, , , , , , | Friendly | April 18, 2019

I’m an avid player of a particular MMORPG. It isn’t the most well-known one in the genre, which I’m fine with since a smaller community generally means fewer trolls and the like. They certainly still pop up every now and again, as this incident demonstrated. For context, the game has several races to choose from, only two of which are basically human in appearance, and characters can be customized a fair amount; I enjoy making characters and have quite a few, but the one I was playing on this day was a humanoid woman with very dark brown skin.

I left the character standing around in a city while I took my dog on a brief walk, and came back to a wall of private messages from someone that started off demanding to know why I’d made a [racial slur]. I’m not sure if this person either wasn’t planning to wait for a reply or simply didn’t realize I was away and got angry at apparently being ignored, but they went on and on about how I was a [slur]-lover, forcing diversity into a fantasy world, complicit in white genocide, etc., and topped it all off with calling me a [gay, transphobic slur] for playing a female character who “wasn’t even wearing anything sexy.”

Unfortunately, this isn’t the first time I’ve seen the “logic” that the only reason a man would play a female character outside of eye candy is if he’s gay or transgender.

The player who’d sent these messages wasn’t around by the time I came back — given the volume of text, I think they’d been blocked by the in-game spam prevention — although I wasn’t planning to reply, anyway. I simply blocked and reported them and went on my way. However, I couldn’t help but laugh at a few of their incorrect assumptions. First of all, I’m not white — though I’m not black like my character appeared to be, either. Second of all, I am gay… but I’m a gay woman who just doesn’t think a lady needs to be wearing a chainmail bikini to be sexy.

For all their ranting about me “taking the fun out of the game,” I don’t think they’re enjoying themselves all that much if such a little thing sets them off like that.

Were You Married To A Royal Blue Tang?

, , , | Romantic | April 18, 2019

(My ex-husband has a habit of bringing up mistakes from my past to “win” an argument or deflect attention from himself. For example, if I ask him why he hasn’t done something he said he would, he might answer by talking about someone I dated in the early 2000s, or a falling-out I’d had with a relative that I had apologized and been forgiven for long ago. At the same time, he routinely forgets about things we have done together or entire conversations we’ve had. By the time this exchange occurs, I am sick of both of these things happening.)

Ex-Husband: “Hey, whatever happened with [issue we discussed at length yesterday]?”

Me: “We talked all about that yesterday.”

Ex-Husband: “Oh. Huh. I forgot. I need to figure out how to improve my memory.”

Me: “Just pretend everything is a mistake I made over 15 years ago; then you’ll remember every detail.”

Ex-Husband: “Wooow. That was hurtful.”

Me: “Yes. It is very hurtful that you can remember something I did wrong 15 years ago, to someone else, better than a whole conversation we had yesterday.”

(I wish I could say this was the most childish thing he did, but it’s not even close. Thank you, divorce gods!)

Harry Potter And The Effects Of Climate Change

, , , , , , | Right | April 17, 2019

(I’m standing at the ticket stand in front of our biggest theater, which is currently playing “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets.” The movie is going full swing, so the halls are pretty quiet. For some reason, my eyes and throat are irritating me.)

Customer: *comes out of the theater* “Hey, I was wondering if you guys could turn down the smoke machine.”

Me: “Smoke machine?”

Customer: “Yeah, it’s a really neat effect, but there’s too much smoke and it’s hurting our eyes.”

Me: “We don’t have a smoke machine.”

(I flagged down the manager and we checked it out. Somebody had vandalized the fire extinguisher in the theater, puncturing it, so it was slowly leaking CO2. By an amazing coincidence, it reached the point where it was noticeable in the dark at exactly the same time Ron and Harry enter the mist-filled Forbidden Forest, so nobody realized what it was. We had to evacuate the theater, refund all the tickets, and close down our biggest theater. I got to finish my shift standing just close enough to the disaster to further irritate my eyes and throat.)

The Customer Is Always Right But Their Children Are Worse

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2019

(We have a group of children running, squealing, and playing games all over our store. There are a teenage girl and boy with them; the girl is caring for a baby while the boy is egging the other children on. They are disturbing other customers and throwing stock around, and I’ve had enough, so I go after the teenage boy. I have already paged several times to request they stop running.)

Me: *behind him* “Uh, excuse me.” *he ignores me and walks away* “Excuse me.” *he walks faster* “YOU, IN THE [TYPE OF CLOTHING], STOP RIGHT THERE!” *he finally stops and turns to me* “I’ve already asked you and the children several times to stop running through the store. Can you—“

Teenage Boy: “It’s not me; it’s the others.”

(He walks away. I refrain from going after him as I’m ready to burst. As I turn, one of the younger boys runs into the aisle.)

Me: “Where are your parents?”

Younger Boy: “I’m with my cousins.”

Me: “Where are your parents?”

Younger Boy: “They aren’t here; I’m with my cousins.”

Me: “Let me guess. Your parents are in [Restaurant], aren’t they?”

(We often get children sent to play in our store so the parents can eat.)

Boy: “Yes.”

Me: “Thanks.”

(I tell another staff member that I am going to the restaurant for a moment. I see the boy run after his cousin. At the restaurant, I speak to the owner’s daughter.)

Me: “Do you have a family in here that’s now missing a bunch of kids? Because they are all running riot through our store.”

Owner: “I know exactly who you are talking about. Those kids are a f****** menace. You should just tell them to f*** off.”

Me: “I’d love to, but I need my job right now.”

Owner: “I’ve been telling them to f*** off all afternoon. I know the parents have heard me but they’ve done nothing. Just leave it with me. I am going to have some lovely words with them and I’m going to f****** well enjoy it.”

(Thankfully, I didn’t have to put up with the kids again; when I was heading back to the store I saw them going around the other side of the restaurant.)

Just A Nudge Away From Crazy

, , , , | Right | April 17, 2019

(I am a utility worker, which roughly translates to a cart pusher most of the time. While working, I encounter a mother texting on her phone and her two children, one of whom is sitting in a cart despite being disallowed, and the other obstructing the cart bay.)

Me: “Excuse me!”

(The family ignores me. Since I have to fill the cart bay as much as possible, I push the row of carts I was moving in, and I unintentionally nudge one of the children. Suddenly, the mother whips around and starts screaming!)

Mother: “WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I couldn’t see how far the carts extended for, and couldn’t accurately judge my distance. Sorry!”

Mother: “CLEARLY YOU F****** CAN’T, YOU S***HEAD!”

(I recoil in shock, not expecting her to use such language in public, let alone in front of her children. The one I bumped seems largely unamused. Her yelling attracts my team leader.)

Team Leader: “What’s the problem?”

Mother: “THIS F***** ASSAULTED MY PRECIOUS CHILDREN!”

(The team leader merely looks at me, where I am behind a now fully-stocked cart bay, and thus can’t do anything without climbing over the carts or weaseling my way between them.)

Team Leader: “I apologize. I’ll be sure to talk to him about this.”

Mother: “GOOD!”

(Now placated, the mother and her children leave. I walk back outside and meet up with a coworker waiting on his ride home and my team leader.)

Coworker: “She was a real b****, huh?”

Team Leader: “Yep, but the customer’s always right. By the way, good job keeping a cool head, [My Name].”

(For the record, I wasn’t written up.)

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