You’re Too Late To Save Yourself

, , , , , , | Working | January 5, 2018

(I’ve noticed that since summer ended, one of my employees has been routinely late, but clocks in almost exactly 20 minutes after his shift starts. Most of the time, however, I see him before his shift, early. Too many tardy notices and we have to let someone go; its corporate policy and out of my control. I like to give people a chance, so I call him into the office to see if I can help him.)

Me: “So, there’s the trend I’m noticing on your clock-in times. Can you tell me what’s going on?”

Employee: “Well, in the mornings, I put my kids on the school bus, because I don’t like them standing alone in [Sketchy Part of Town]. Then, I take the bus that stops a block over to work. But sometimes the school bus gets there late, I miss my bus, and the next one isn’t for 30 minutes, so I’m late those days.”

Me: “Okay! Well, I wish you’d brought this to my attention sooner. Here’s what we are going to do. I’m moving your entire shift back a half hour. That way, if you catch the later bus, you’ll be on time, and you don’t have to stress.”

Employee: “Seriously? That will help so much. Thank you!”

(Two weeks go by, and I notice the employee is up for a written warning for another three tardies, having clocked in 20 minutes after his new, later start time. I pull him aside.)

Me: “What’s going on here? I moved your shift so that we could fix the issue with you being late, but you’re late more often now!”

Employee: “I’m sorry! It’s just… I don’t want to stand at the bus stop everyday for a half hour. It’s a really bad part of town. So, I’ve been going home to do a few things, and I get distracted, I miss the bus.”

Me: “You’re going to have to figure out how to fix that.”

Employee: “Okay, can we push the shift back another hour? A half hour isn’t much extra time, but I can be back if you give me another half hour.”

Me: “I actually need the 11:00 to 7:00 shift covered, so I’ll allow it, but I need you to understand: this was your last warning. If you are late at all in the next three months, I have no choice but to let you go.”

Employee: “Okay! Thank you!”

(A few days later, the mans supervisor pulls me aside.)

Supervisor: “Just so you know, [Employee] called you a b****.”

Me: “What?”

Supervisor: “He says he took the 10:00 to 6:00 shift specifically to be able to pick up his kids from their after-school program by 7:00. Now, you changed his shift, and he can’t get them in time.”

Me: “Okay, let me tell you what really happened.”

(The situation resolved itself when [Employee] showed up a half hour late two days later. I let his supervisor handle his termination papers, because I was still furious with him.)

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Hungry For Some Justice

, , , , , , , | Related | January 5, 2018

(I have an older in-law who is a big time user; she tries to con everyone she can. Her big thing right now is trying to con everyone into taking her out for a steak dinner. Not a quick fast food meal; she wants a big, expensive meal with appetizers and the works. She will pull the, “Oh, I have never been to a nice restaurant,” and puppy-dog eyes routine, whining and begging. It never works with me. We have just moved into a new home with a two-month-old baby. The power has not been turned on yet so I have family who lend me a cooler and fill it with sandwich meat and leftovers from when we had dinner at their house the night before. I am cleaning and the elderly in-law is visiting with another in-law who is outside helping my husband build a deck. She speaks to me in her fake Southern accent.)

In-Law: “Oh, dear, my dinner bell is going off.”

(I am not stupid, and I am not playing that game. I tell her I had some sandwich meat and I could make her something.)

In-Law: “Oh, I don’t like sandwiches, dear.”

Me: “Okay, well, I have some leftovers from my mother’s house you are welcome to have.”

In-Law: “Oh, I don’t do leftovers, dear.”

Me: “Well, then I guess you’re not hungry… DEAR.”

(She had the look of deer in headlights on her face. She made an insulted face, got up, and walked out of the house. She did not return until over ten years later. Several other in-laws told me if they knew that that was all it took to get rid of her for a decade they would have done the same thing.)

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Have To Be Tough To Deal With Holiday Shoppers

, , , , | Right | January 5, 2018

(It’s about seven pm on Thanksgiving night. A customer approaches my register with a cart of college t-shirts. As I ring them up and say the price ($4.99) she stops me.)

Customer: “Excuse me! Those are 50% off!”

Me: “Yes, ma’am. They are ticketed $10 and the sign says 50% off the ticketed price. That is why they are $4.99.”

Customer: “I don’t think so. They should be 50% off the price on the sign! I want to go look!”

(She walks over to the section and storms back to my register.)

Customer: “Scan all of them! I don’t believe you!”

(I scan all 20 of them one by one, each coming up $4.99.)

Customer: “Here, I don’t want these few.”

(She throws about five onto the register and I hastily put them to the side.)

Customer: “Ring me up for the rest of these.”

(I’m very flustered at this point. I’m still new to the job, and I take an audible deep breath.)

Customer: “Are you getting annoyed with me?”

Me: “No, ma’am, I’m just very flustered; it is Thanksgiving night, it has been very busy, and I only started a few weeks ago.”

Customer: “Well, tough s***! It’s your job to be annoyed. And you can’t do anything about it.”

(I rang her up in silence, completely baffled by her attitude. She left and I had to walk away from the register, it was so upsetting.)

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Never Shopping Here, Starting Tomorrow!

, , , | Right | January 5, 2018

(It is a quiet Saturday afternoon, a few weeks before Father’s Day. I work in the men’s department so my register is supposed to get boxes for customers, but they haven’t come yet. A woman approaches my register with at least four big bags of already purchased items.)

Customer: “Do you have any boxes down here so I can get stuff wrapped?”

Me: “No, unfortunately, but they do have them upstairs at customer service.”

Customer: *in disgust* “UGH! How ridiculous! Such horrible service! This is why I never shop here!”

(She walked out of the store and I chuckled to myself. How was it that she had four bags of items if she ‘never shops here’?)

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An Unbelievable Amount Of Believability

, , , , , , , , | Learning | January 5, 2018

(My history teacher senior year has been funny and easy-going all year. It’s two months until graduation, and he is starting to get tired of the “senioritis” going around.)

Teacher: “From now on, if I see a cell phone out, I am collecting it in this box. And once a week, I will choose one cell phone out of the box and smash it against the wall!”

(About a week goes by as normal. Then, one day, in the middle of watching a movie, the teacher turns it off.)

Teacher: “I have had enough of this! I have told, and told, and told this class. I am sick of telling this class that I do not want to see your phones out. I’m done.” *picks up the box from his desk* “Phones. In this box. Now.”

(He goes around the room, and everyone who has their phone out puts it in the box.)

Teacher: *getting back to his desk* “Are you finding this funny? Would you find it even funnier if I just dumped these in the garbage can?” *picks up a phone and holds it over the garbage can* “Would that just make your day?”

Student #1: “You won’t do it!”

Teacher: “Won’t I?”

Student #2: “You won’t do it!”

Teacher: “I could just take these and start throwing them in here. Would that be funny to you?”

Student #1: “Well, you’re not going to do it, so…”

(Instead of dropping the phone, the teacher spins around and flings it at the wall. It breaks and falls to the floor in pieces.)

Teacher: “Was that funny?”

Student #1: “Dude, that was my phone!”

Teacher: “Did you find that amusing?”

Student #1: “You broke my phone, you a**hole!”

Teacher: “Get out! Get out of this classroom, now! Just get out of my sight!”

Student #1: “I don’t want to be here, anyway!”

(He runs out of the room and slams the door. Everything is completely silent for a moment.)

Teacher: “[Student #3], would you come here a minute?”

Student #3: *does so, looking confused because he’s been cooperative this whole time*

Teacher: “Remember back in September when I told you I could get you to believe something completely unbelievable?”

(By now the teacher was grinning like a fool. The student who left came back into the room, also grinning. He was in on it, as was another student who brought in an old cell phone for use in the prank. After explaining this, the teacher didn’t go back to teaching, but let us talk for the rest of the class. I guess he was having some “end of year fever,” too!)

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