Karma Has No Expiry Date

, , , , | Right | September 1, 2017

(I am at a popular coffee shop with a friend. We order our drinks without issue, and take a seat at the table across from the counter. An older couple orders after us, and the woman decides to wait at the counter for her drink. My friend’s drink is up first, so I walk to the counter to grab it for her and wait for my own order. My drink comes up fairly quickly, and when the barista calls out my order the lady next to me at the counter strikes up a conversation:)

Lady: “Ooooh, [drink name]! Aren’t those good?”

Me: “I’ve had them before and they’re great on a hot day!”

(The barista sets down my drink.)

Me: “Thank y—”

(Before I can finish my sentence, the lady next to me snags my drink and walks over to her husband.)

Me: “Um, ma’am, I think you may have grabbed my drink by mistake…”

Lady: *ignores me and starts drinking my drink, while sighing to her husband about “Kids these days…!”*

(The barista then sets down the lady’s drink, which is a much smaller, less expensive drink made with regular milk, not coconut milk like mine had been. I explain to the barista what happened, and she apologizes profusely and remakes my drink for me. All the while, the older lady is smirking at me, as she just got a more pricey drink for less. The barista has my coffee ready a moment later, and continues to apologize. I let her know it’s fine, and that these things happen sometimes. As I rejoin my friend, the older lady and her husband finish their drinks and leave. Just as I’m about to take a sip of my drink, the barista rushes over to our table.)

Barista: “I am so, SO sorry, but can I remake that for you again? I just now noticed that our coconut milk is expired! I don’t want you getting sick from that! I have a fresh container of coconut milk out now! I’m so sorry!”

Me: “What? Oh my… yes! I’m glad you caught that!”

Barista: “Sorry! I should have been paying more attention!”

Me: “Not a problem… wait. That lady who stole my drink… you’re telling me she was drinking expired coconut milk?”

Barista: “…yes?”

Me: “Well, that’ll teach her not to steal someone else’s drink!”

Barista: “I suppose it serves her right, doesn’t it?”

1 Thumbs

An Aura Of Accusation

, , , | Friendly | August 31, 2017

(I am in my dentist’s waiting room. A woman comes in, sees me, and makes a big display of sitting as far away as possible from me. After a few minutes, she stands up and stands right next to me. I move over, but she continues. She then leans down and sniffs.)

Woman: “My aura is very cloudy. Have you committed a crime?”

Me: “No?”

Woman: “Murder? Molestation?”

Me: “No. Umm, could you leave me alone?”

(She returns to her seat on the other side of the room for a few moments, before getting up and leaving altogether. A few minutes later and receptionist comes in.)

Receptionist: “I’m really sorry about this, but the intern phoned the police because another patient said you tried to molest her.”

Me: “WHAT?”

Receptionist: “We have cameras here.” *points* “And we’ve checked them before the police arrive. It’s obvious she was acting strange and making you uncomfortable. We called the police again, but they’re wanting to take a statement.”

(I was there for nearly an hour, and had to rearrange for another appointment. The woman had completely disappeared after accusing me, but the police officers said they knew of her and that she should be admitted to a secure unit, but her estranged family were making it difficult to get the paperwork through.)

Your Boss Is Taxing With The Taxiderming

, , , , | Working | August 30, 2017

(My dog has died before my shift. I’m noticeably upset and one of the managers asks me:)

Manager: “[Me], whatever is the matter?”

Me: “My dog died on Saturday.”

Manager: “Oh, and you can’t find a good taxidermist?”

Me: “WHAT?!”

Manager: “To preserve it. I do it with all my pets. My last cat is a footrest.”

(I felt physically sick and ran to the toilets to throw up. When I got back to the staff room, another manager was there looking really sympathetic. He sent me home and apologised for the other manager’s behaviour. What’s worse was the first manager later texted me several links to taxidermy websites, and even came over to my house. My mum threw a cooking pan at him. When I got back to work, I heard he was on probation for harassing staff out of hours.)

They Had It Coming

, , , , , | Learning | August 30, 2017

(It is our sixth year, after recess. The teacher comes in, opens the board, and reveals a drawing of a large, crude penis, ejaculating over what appears to be a girl’s face. Two male students can’t conceal their giggling, and the rest of the class joins in. The teacher looks at it and shakes her head.)

Teacher: “Seriously? [Student #1], [Student #2], you should be ashamed.”

Student #1 & #2: “We didn’t do it!”

Teacher: “Oh, please. This wasn’t there before recess and I saw you enter first, giggling.”

Student #1: “It was just a joke…”

Teacher: “Oh, it is a joke, all right! You are both boys, you’ve had sex-ed, and you give me this?”

(She takes a crayon and starts altering the drawing.)

Teacher: “First of all, the underside of the glans does not look like this… also, the scrotum is not two separate ovals… there is no way the genital hair would be distributed like this… and besides, you would find a size such as this in bad porn movies at best.”

(The whole class is watching, mouths agape.)

Teacher: “Also, look at this face! Didn’t you learn about the proportions of the human face in art class?”

(She then proceeds to correct the face, leaving a rather realistic image.)

Teacher: “If you’re going to do such immature jokes, at least do them properly! You obviously not only didn’t pay attention in class, you apparently never even bothered to look at your own genitals. I’m very disappointed in you.”

(The whole class was roaring by this point, and the two students looked like they were dying from humiliation.)

A Figure Of Entitlement In Action

, , , | Friendly | August 30, 2017

(I collect action figures, and when I gain a new acquisition, I post a picture of it on social media, often with said figure(s) in a goofy pose or with a funny caption posted. Not long after posting one such picture and having a few friends comment on it, I get a message from a complete stranger. Note: I’ve cleaned up spelling and grammar for posting here; the original message was much messier.)

Stranger: “Can you mail me the [character figure] please?”

Me: “Um… no. These toys are not for sale.”

Stranger: “But I want it!”

Me: “Word of advice, if you want action figures, purchase them yourself instead of asking random people on [site] to give theirs to you.”

Stranger: *charming GIF of a cartoon person being stabbed in the face*

(A little digging proved that this person had done the same thing with other people — whenever they posted a picture of a figure he wanted, he’d beg them to give it to him, and whine or send threats when they said no. He seems to have knocked it off now, but the entitlement complex at work here still baffles and enrages me. Who asks complete strangers to give them their collectibles for free?)

Page 348/377First...346347348349350...Last