This Call Scores A (Ground) Zero

, , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(I work in a call center doing senior-level tech support for a cell phone manufacturer. This interaction happens after a lower-level support transfers the call to me.)

Me: “Hi there, [Customer]. My name is [My Name], and I’ll be taking full ownership of this call from here on, so that means I’ll be the last person you’ll have to speak with to make sure we come to a resolution for your issue. Just to make sure I understand correctly, it seems you’re trying to trade your phone in with your carrier for a new one, but your device is activation locked. Is that right?”

Customer: “Yeah, that’s right.”

Me: “All right, and do you know the email address or password for the account the device is locked to?”

Customer: “No, I need you to unlock it.”

Me: “All right, that is something we can do; however, we will require that you submit the original proof of purchase for the device.”

Customer: “I don’t have that. I’m the one who bought the phone. Can’t you just take my driver’s license?”

Me: “Unfortunately not. In order to unlock the phone, we need to match your proof of purchase with what our system shows us in order to properly verify that the device is actually yours.”

Customer: “But I don’t have that. Why can’t I just go to [Cell Manufacturer Store] with my driver’s license and have them unlock it?”

Me: “They’ll end up telling you the same thing I am. Our system needs the original proof of purchase to—”

Customer: “So, you’re saying I can’t get my phone unlocked by showing my driver’s license at the store, but I can use it to get on a plane and fly anywhere I want in the US?!”

Me: “Uh, yes. That is basically the truth.”

Customer: “Well then, maybe [Cell Manufacturer] should have been flying the planes on 9/11.”

(I’m completely speechless for a good 10 to 15 seconds.)

Me: “I-I’m sorry, ma’am. But if you can’t remain professional on this call, then I will have to disconnect—”

Customer: “Fine. Bye.” *hangs up*

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Why Don’t You Bunny Hop Out Of Here?

, , , , | Right | May 16, 2018

(At the pet store I work at, we cannot sell bunnies close to Easter for obvious reasons. The same applies to snakes, spiders, and black cats close to Halloween. A few incidents of people bringing them back was too much for the owner. Some customers don’t or refuse to understand this, however. Example #1:)

Man: Hi, can you show me where the bunnies are? I’d like to buy some.”

Coworker: “Sorry, sir, but we’re not allowed to sell rabbits so close to Easter.”

Man:What?! This is ridiculous! I can’t have an Easter party without a d*** rabbit!”

Coworker: “Again, sorry but rules are rules. We had people buying pets in impulse and bringing them back shortly after.”

Man: “So? Who wants animals after they served their purpose?”

(Example #2:)

Customer: “Excuse me, can you show me where the kittens are?”

Me: “Sure, but I hope you weren’t planning on a black cat, since we’re not allowed to sell those during Halloween season.”

Customer: “What?! Without a black cat my decor and costume will be ruined! What about snakes?”

Me: “It’s a no for them and spiders.”

Customer: “Fine! I’ll go to the animal shelter.”

Me: “Pretty sure they have a similar policy.”

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Periodic Jerks Are An Occupational Hazard

, , , , | Friendly | May 15, 2018

(I work as a cashier at a grocery store. In my line there are two people, both males in their late teens or early 20s. [Customer #1]’s items are a box of maxi-pads and ice cream. [Customers #2] starts laughing.)

Customer #2: “Look at him! Is it that time of the month for your girlfriend, or are you a [transgender slur]? And what’s with the ice cream? Cheating on your diet or somethin’?”

([Customer #1] is not particularly muscular, but definitely not out of shape. After I scan his items, he turns to the guy and glares at them.)

Customer #1: “Not that it’s any of your business, but my little sister got her period for the first time. She’s the only female in the house, so we didn’t have pads on hand. I’m also buying her favorite ice cream to cheer her up, since she wasn’t looking forward to it.”

([Customer #2] turns red and goes to another checkout.)

Me: “Your total is [total] and thank you.”

Customer #1: “For what?”

Me: “For putting him in his place. That guy buys condoms almost every week, brags about his girlfriend, and yet flirts with every female cashier, myself included.”

Customer #1: “I feel bad for his parents.”

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I’d Rather Be Bald

, , , | Working | May 15, 2018

(I am walking into a department store when a woman thrusts a box into my hands.)

Woman: “Here, you need this!”

(I look at the box and see it contains a bottle of shampoo, priced at £69.99.)

Me: “I’m not paying £70 for a bottle of shampoo!”

Woman: “But you need to, otherwise that lovely hair—” *trying to stroke my hair but I flinch away* “—will be ruined!”

Me: “I’m not paying £70 for a bottle of shampoo.”

Woman: “But your hair will be all nasty and greasy. This shampoo has natural oils and minerals that—”

Me: “I’m not paying £70 for a bottle of shampoo.”

(I handed it back to her and walked to another part of the store. I heard her huff and say, “Fine.” Periodically while I’m shopping I could hear other shoppers exclaim their refusal to pay such a price for shampoo.)


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Doesn’t Know What The Truck He’s Talking About

, , , , , | Working | May 15, 2018

(I receive a call from a truck driver asking for directions. There are two exits from the interstate, both clearly marked as to which direction they go. The first exit goes west, and the one he should take goes east and exits two miles further down the road. I’ve given the same directions many times, and the occasional driver will take the first exit and head the wrong way, so I always reiterate that the correct turn will be the second. Later, the driver checks in but is highly upset. When asked what the problem is, he says he got an expensive ticket for driving off the truck route, and he expects reimbursement for his trouble. I’m not the one checking him in, but I can hear him and my coworker from where I am, around a corner and not immediately visible from the driver’s entrance.)

Coworker: “I’m sorry you received the ticket, but why do you think we should pay for it?”

Driver: “I called for directions and the broad I talked to told me wrong. I took the exit she said, and the highway went west. I knew I needed to go east so I went east. The road took me into downtown, and next thing you know I was pulled over and given the d*** ticket!”

Coworker: “Hey, [My Name], did you talk to the driver from [Company]?”

Me: *rounding the corner* “Yes, I did, and I reiterated with him, and asked for his understanding, that he was not to take the exit for [First Exit] but continue on the interstate to the exit for [Second Exit]. If he took the wrong exit, then willingly ignored the, ‘no trucks,’ signs and turned east, anyway, it’s his own doing.”

Coworker: “Does that sound right, [Truck Driver]?”

Driver: “Maybe. But she’s a girl; what does she know?”

Coworker: “She knows that you don’t take the [First Exit] to go east, and she knows that you don’t ignore the, ‘no trucks,’ signs when you are given perfectly good directions to keep you on the truck route! Now, back your rig into dock two, and [My Name] will get you unloaded.”

Driver: “What about the ticket?”

Me: “What about it? Consider it a costly lesson in following directions!”

Driver: *addressing coworker* “Are you going to let her get away with that?”

Coworker: “Are you going to get the trailer unloaded, or would you rather you be refused and have us call your company to tell them why?”

(The driver backed into the dock, and when he returned, he refused to even look at me the entire time I was unloading the trailer. After I signed off on his paperwork and he was leaving, he commented again about me being “a girl,” and that I shouldn’t be allowed to give directions or unload trucks. My coworker called his company to report his behavior and, although the trucking company continues to make frequent deliveries to the store, we’ve never seen that driver again.)

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