The Customer Menace

, , , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(It is Star Wars day this week, so the hotel where I work has decided to do a themed dinner. There are a lot of kids who are coming, so as a special treat the owner decides to show Episode One. My friends and I are big nerds and have our own costumes for conventions. When we hear about the dinner, we offer our costumes so the kids can get their pictures taken for free with Darth Vader, a stormtrooper, and Princess Leia. We also offer a Q&A session. The kids are having a great time. An older, visibly annoyed customer approaches me.)

Customer: “Excuse me.”

Me: “Yes, sir? How can I help?”

Customer: “Would it be possible to change the film to a good one?”

Me: “I’m sorry, sir; I’m afraid I can’t. Can I ask the reason why you would like it changed? Perhaps there might be something I can do?”

Customer: “First of all, the kids aren’t even paying attention.” *points to two kids playing with lightsabers on the other side of the room* “Besides, this new generation needs to be educated on the classics.”

Me: “Sir, most of the kids are paying attention to the film. In fact, it’s only those two who are playing who aren’t paying attention. We chose this film especially because of the large number of kids that have come.”

Customer: “The originals are far better than this s***!”

Me: “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to watch your language.”

Customer: “F*** you. I’m not done yet.”

Me: “Sir! There are young children around! Please stop swearing!”

(The customer stand up, grabs my shirt, and pulls me close to his face. I can smell a large amount of alcohol on his breath, and I’m starting to get a little bit scared.)

Customer: “You listen to me. I will say what I want, where I want.” *lets me go* “Now, go and get the manager so I can talk to someone who’s intelligent.”

(I get the manager. He is dressed up as a stormtrooper.)

Customer: “Finally, someone who’s a true fan. I’m sure you can understand wanting to change the film. That costume is fantastic. Where did you get it?”

Manager: “Sir, we will not change the film because you have been so rude. We would have been happy to change it to what you wanted once it was finished, but we’re not going to do that now. Besides, you have attacked a member of my staff. Now, please calm down and watch the film or you will be ejected from the premises.”

(The customer is still angry, but sits down.)

Customer: “You still never answered about the costume.”

Manager: “Actually, this costume belongs to the waiter you were so rude to.”

(The customer’s jaw drops by about an inch and he stares at me. In my best Darth Sidious voice, I say:)

Me: “Good. Let the hate flow through you.”

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Offensive Enough To Cause Injury

, , , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(One of my employees, a high-school-aged girl, is walking home from her shift on Saint Patrick’s day when she is hit by a drunk driver. She returns to work a week later, battered but in good spirits. During her first shift back, I hear yelling coming from the fitting room, and an irate customer comes storming out.)

Customer: “Your corporate’s number, now!”

(As I’m writing down the info, I see my high school employee sobbing and leaving the fitting room.)

Me: “I’m the manager on duty, ma’am; may I ask what the issue is you want to speak to corporate about?”

Customer: “I can’t believe you let punks like that work here! Gobs of black eyeliner! Facial piercings! This used to be a respectable place!”

Me: “Ma’am, my employee was injured. Those are bruises and metal staples put there by the hospital.”

Customer: “Excuses!”

(She snatched the slip out of my hand and stormed out. Corporate handed down a disciplinary write up to my employee for being out of dress code. I’ve been petitioning to have it overturned, but as her appearance offended a customer, it will probably stand and could risk her job.)

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Return Of The Returner: Jeans Of Justice

, , , , , | Right | November 21, 2017

(My mother is a department manager for a large retail chain that has just closed 146 locations in the last year. They recently had a return policy change that states if you are returning something without a receipt, they can only give you the lowest selling price in their system. My mom is called up to the register to help a pair of customers with their return.)

Mom: “Hello, sir. What can I do for you?”

Customer: “Yeah, I’m trying to return these jeans, but I don’t have my receipt.”

Mom: “Okay, sir, let me see what I can do to help you. Did you pay for these with cash or a card?”

Customer: “One of them was with cash, and the other was with a card.”

Mom: “We can look up your receipt in our system to give you the full refund for the one pair, but with the other one I can only give you what they are worth in our store.”

Customer: “That’s not necessary. I paid $45 for them. Just give me that.”

Mom: “I’m sorry, sir; our policy is that we have to give you what it’s worth.”

(She looks up the jeans at the register, and they are only worth $0.78 in the store on this particular day.)

Mom: “For this pair, I can give you $0.78.”

Customer: “$0.78?! That’s it?! But I paid $45!”

Mom: “Well, if you had the receipt, I’d be able to give you the full refund. But considering that you don’t, this is all I’m allowed to give you, sir.”

Customer: “This is ridiculous! Why can you only give me $0.78?”

Mom: “That’s just our policy, sir,”

(This goes on for quite some time, asking why he can only get $0.78 for the jeans, and with her trying to give him several different answers, until…)

Customer: “How does it feel to work for a company that can’t back up its managers?!”

Mom: “Excuse me?”

Customer: “You’re working for a company that can’t even tell its employees why certain policies are put into place. No wonder this place is going down the tubes!”

Mom: “Well, sir, that’s matter of opinion.”

Customer: “A matter of opinion?! Are you f***ing kidding me?! This place is a s***-show! This is horrible customer service!”

Mom: “Once again, that’s a matter of opinion.”

Customer: “Oh, yeah? How many sites have you closed down this year? Huh?”

Mom: “146.”

Customer: “Yeah, and that’s a FACT!”

Mom: “If you say so, sir.”

Customer: “You must be embarrassed! You must be so embarrassed to work here! You must go home every night, look at yourself in the mirror, and hate yourself because you work here! Are you embarrassed?! Huh?!”

(She has finally had enough of this man’s harassment. By now there are about 25 to 30 people that have fallen silent and are watching this man scream at her.)

Mom: “No, I don’t! Sir, I am trying to help you as best as I can. You can either stop this conversation right now and accept the help I am giving you, or you can walk out that door right now, and never come back to this store, since you hate it so much!”

(He instantly shuts up. My mom gives him the cash refund of $0.78 for the one pair of jeans, and then looks up his receipt for the other pair, which is the exact same pair as the one for which he paid cash. The receipt she pulls up says he paid the full price of $14.95 on his card, which she refunds him as well. As she is finishing up with him, he decides to get a final jab in.)

Customer: “See you in the unemployment line!”

Mom: “Why? Is that where you live?”

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From The Land Of “Buy-Milk” And Honey

, , , , | Right | November 20, 2017

(Since I work in a grocery store, my parents often text me while I’m working to pick up stuff. Since I am forgetful, I have gotten into the habit of writing what I need to bring home on my hand. Today, my mother has asked me to buy milk, so naturally, I have, “Buy milk,” written on the back of my hand. A customer comes to my till to pay for her groceries. While handing me her card she notices the writing on my hand. She jumps back and grabs her chest like she is having a heart attack.)

Customer: “You filthy devil worshipers think that it’s cool to put those tattoos all over your bodies?”

Me: “I don’t have any tattoos.”

(The customer grabs my arm and points to the “Buy milk” written on my hand. She holds my hand high for everyone to see.)

Customer: “Devil worshiper! Devil worshiper! Don’t shop here; they hire f****** devil worshipers!”

(Eventually I wrestle my arm free and manage to calm her down.)

Me: “It’s not a tattoo. Why would I get a tattoo that says, ‘Buy milk?’ I wrote it in pen so that I will remember to buy milk after my shift.”

Customer: *suddenly cheerful* “Oh, well, have a good day.”

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Using Her Inside Voice

, , , , | Working | November 20, 2017

(This sandwich shop has a system where you pay extra to eat inside because there is limited seating. This is a particularly busy day, but it’s cold outside and there is a free seat, so my friend and I decide to sit inside and pay extra. Both of us are ordering sandwiches which need to be heated up before serving. We also buy a small cake and a bottled drink.)

Employee: *as she hands me my drink and change* “I’ll give you the cake in a takeaway bag just because we’re out of trays, but I’ll bring your hot sandwiches over in a second, okay?”

Me: “Yes, that’s fine.”

(We go away and sit down to wait for our food and think no more of it. We haven’t started eating the cake at this point. Two minutes later another employee, possibly the manager, storms over to us with a face like thunder.)

Manager: “Did you two girls pay to sit inside? This is a busy restaurant, you know!”

Me: “Yes, we did. We’re waiting for our hot food.”

Manager: “Are you sure about that? You don’t want to tell me anything else?”

Me: “No. We paid to sit inside.”

Manager: “I don’t believe you. You have a takeaway bag. Why would you have that if you paid to sit in?”

Me: “Yes, I have a takeaway bag, but I haven’t started eating it yet. We paid to sit inside, and the girl behind the counter gave us our cake in a takeaway bag because you were out of trays.”

Manager:Why haven’t you eaten it?! You’re taking up space!”

Me: “Because, as I explained, we are waiting for our hot food to be brought over.”

Manager: “You say that, young lady, but I don’t believe you! I’ll be watching you girls, watching you very carefully!”

(She then leaves, and my friend and I continue to wait for our food. A few minutes later the original employee who served us returns with our sandwiches.)

Server: “I’m so sorry.”

Me: “Bad day?”

Server: “I wish. She’s like that every day.”

(I understand if it’s particularly busy and you’re not sure if someone has paid, but the way she confronted us about it was totally aggressive and unnecessary!)

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