This Customer Isn’t Even Remotely Right

, , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(I’m checking a couple into their room when the woman informs me they’re here on a trip with their church and are “top people” in their church. She comes down from her room 30 minutes later.)

Me: “How may I help you, ma’am?”

Guest:Remote! This isn’t working.”

Me: “Okay, let me get you fresh batteries.”

(I get her the batteries, but she comes back down ten minutes later. By now, it’s 5:00 pm and I have three guests in line I’m checking in.)

Me: “Okay, sir, you’re in room—”

Guest: *storms up to the desk, cutting in front of the line* “THIS REMOTE IS STILL NOT WORKING!”

Me: “I’m sorry, ma’am. If you can wait until I check this man in, I’ll get you a new remote. Or I can bring it to your room when I’m finished here.”

Guest: *doesn’t move from the desk, and is pacing back and forth and almost breathing down my neck* “This is ridiculous! I can’t believe the idiots they hire; I should be helped immediately!”

(She begins muttering profanities under her breath.)

Guest: “WHY CAN’T YOU HELP ME NOW?!”

Me: “Ma’am, I’m the only staff member on site for this shift, and we are at full capacity. I promise I’ll help you as soon as I can.”

Guest: “FINE. I GUESS I’LL JUST STARE AT THE CEILING!”

(She then throws her remote control at me as hard as possible. It hits my shoulder.)

Me: “I suggest you apologize, pack your things, and leave, or I’ll call the cops. You just assaulted me. I’m allowed to refuse you service now, and I think that’d be the best decision.”

(The guest laughed and walked up to her room. She was escorted out by police an hour later. Moral of the story: your employer may use the “customer is always right” motto, but if a customer insults, harasses, or attacks you, you DO have the right to refuse service. It is illegal to be forced to serve someone berating you. If employees around the world allow customers to verbally or physically attack them, then customers will always think it’s okay to do so.)

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Wish They Would Stop Trucking Swearing

, , , , , , , | Right | November 17, 2017

(The mall where I work has construction going on near our store, and the nearest mall door is closed off to customers. There are security guards posted to let construction and mall workers in and out. One of my employees has used the emergency exit in our backroom that opens up into the designated smoking area and the construction area. He returns from his smoke break and opens the door to the backroom to come back to work, followed by someone who shouldn’t be in my backroom. The stranger walks right past me and out of my store.)

Me: “What the…?”

Employee: “He’s a foreman or something for the construction, and the security guards aren’t there to let him in. I just did him a favour.”

Me: “How noble of you, but you know better than to let a random dude from outside into the backroom! If the managers or head office had come in, you’d be in a ton of trouble! No more randoms through the backroom door, understood?”

Employee: “Yeah, I get it. My bad.”

(Ten minutes later, the same random dude walks back into the store.)

Construction Guy: “Can you let me out through there?”

Me: “No, sir. I can’t have non-employees going into the backroom. [Employee] let you in to do you a favour, but I can’t let you exit through there.”

Construction Guy: “Seriously? I’ve already been back there; stop being a d*** and just let me leave. The exit doors won’t open.”

Me: “Yeah, and that was a one-time deal, and a mistake that [Employee] made. But I can’t let you back there again. The security personnel just walked past the store; if you catch up to them, they’ll be more than happy to let you out.”

Construction Guy: “What the f***?! My truck is sitting out there!”

Me: “If you keep being so ridiculously crass in a store full of kids, I’m going to have security remove you. [Employee], call the security office.”

Construction Guy: “F*** YOU, A**HOLE! IF SOMEBODY STEALS MY TRUCK I’LL F****** SUE YOU!”

Me: “You can try, and now I’m going to escort you to the door.” *starts to walk around the counter*

Construction Guy: “Whatever! Hope you have a great day, b****!”

Me: “Thank you; I will. You take care, now.”

(He started to walk out, head turned to continue screaming profanities at me, and promptly walked right into the massive glass window at the front of the store. All the customers started laughing at him as he picked himself up and stormed out, as I chuckled and waved goodbye.)

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A Pot Of Bother

, , , , , , | Working | November 17, 2017

(My supervisor is going to a new hotel opening to help with training. The hotel is an hour-and-a-half drive away. It is going to be a long night, so she wants suggestions as to what will help keep her awake at work and on the drive home.)

Supervisor: “I have to drive to Red Deer tonight and stay up and train the night auditors. Can I take anything to help me stay awake?”

Coworker: “Just stick to coffee.”

Supervisor: “How about if I smoke ‘the pot?’”

Me: “The what?”

Coworker: “’The pot?’”

Me: “Oh, NO! Nope. Bad idea.”

Coworker: “It’ll make you sleepy and paranoid, and your driving will be worse.”

Me: “As if that’s possible.”

Coworker: “Shh.”

Supervisor: “Oh, it won’t keep me awake?”

Me: “Nope, maybe hungry, though.”

(At this point my coworker and I stop trying to hide the laughter.)

Supervisor: “You two are awful.”

Coworker: “If you’re gonna smoke ‘the pot,’ please bring us!”

Me: “So we can watch.”

Supervisor: “I’m leaving; go do your jobs!”

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Passenger Alert

, , , , , | Friendly | November 16, 2017

(I am heading home on a packed train that requires you to pay your fare by inserting a ticket into a turnstile before getting on. [Passenger #1] gets on, stays near the door, and begins obviously looking around for something, but nobody knows what. This is not a big deal, though; the doors close, and the train gets moving.)

Passenger #1: “Does anybody have $40? Does anybody have $40? I need $40! Does anybody have $40? I need to get home! I can’t afford the bus! It’s only a short trip!”

([Passenger #2] quietly shakes their head and rolls their eyes, refusing to make eye contact with her.)

Passenger #1: “Come on, guys! Somebody has money! You, in the suit! I know you have $40! I need $40 to get home on the bus, or I will be sleeping on the streets tonight!”

Passenger #3: “Ma’am, I don’t have cash on hand, and besides, the bus fare is about $7 at most for one trip.”

Passenger #1: “No! You are lying to me! I need $40 to pay for the bus! You, with the nice jacket! I am broke! I have no money on me and I need to go home! I only need one trip!”

([Passenger #4] puts her head down and laser-focuses on her phone.)

Passenger #1: “Nobody cares, huh!? Everybody’s so wrapped up in themselves that they cannot spare an old lady some change so she can go home to her family! Fine, I need $20! $20 is the bare minimum I need to get home! Oh, come on! Nobody?! Nobody is generous! Nobody is listening! Nobody cares at all!”

(At this point, the train stops and [Passenger #1] immediately stops her rant and tries to look inconspicuous as the doors open to let new passengers on. Not many can get on or off though, and the train is quickly moving along on its schedule.)

Passenger #1: “God, do I even exist to you people!? If I were drunk, dirty, and homeless, all of you would have given me $40! You would give all the money in the world to hopeless bums that contribute nothing to society, but not for an old lady like me with a home, job, family, and future! How do you live with yourself? Do you want me to sleep on the streets with those drunks tonight? Fine! $10! $10 from at least two of you people is all I need! Hello?! Nobody?! Not even $10?! You would give $10 to me if I were drunk, dirty, and homeless! And those bums wouldn’t even use that money to pay for the bus; they’re just looking to get drugs! I would use it for a bus fare because I have a home to go to!”

(The train stops at a popular stop, and one that I am getting off at, as well. Most of the passengers file out while others wait to get on, which [Passenger #1] takes note of and gets off of the train.)

Passenger #1: “Last chance! The people on this train are selfish and cruel!”

Passenger #5: “Ma’am, is everything all right? Do you need help?”

Passenger #1: “No! Nobody will give me $40 for the bus so I can go home!”

Passenger #5: *taken aback* “Um… Sorry, I can’t help you with that. Bus fare for a one-way trip is $7, if that helps.” *moves away from [Passenger #1]*

Passenger #1: *shoots [Passenger #5] a glare and storms off*

(It was the weirdest thing. I later witnessed her getting into a screaming match with a young adult passenger in the station’s hallway. The young adult passenger shouted that she was fed up with [Passenger #1] begging for money when nobody wanted to give it, and also that she was fed up with her being a terrible liar and having the gall to insult people who contribute more to society than she ever would. [Passenger #1] screamed over her to complain about how awful the new generation is because the young adult wouldn’t give her money. I decided to stay out of it, and when I informed a security guy nearby, he just rolled his eyes, said he was keeping an eye on it, but also said something along the lines of, “Just let her get what I’m surprised she didn’t get weeks ago, and don’t get involved,” in reference to [Passenger #1]. I hope that [Passenger #1] and the young adult’s screaming match didn’t escalate into a physical fight!)

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Making Wi-Fries With That Potato

, , , , | Working | November 16, 2017

(My friend has been planning to quit for a while, and decides to go out in style.)

Friend: “[Company IT Department], how can I help you?”

Customer: “Hi there. My router has been having issues and my Wi-Fi isn’t working.”

(After discussing this for a few minutes, my friend figures out that it’s a simple problem; however, after trying to fix it, the customer is being difficult, so he decides to have some fun.)

Friend: “Okay, I think I know how to fix the problem, but you have to follow what I say to the letter. First, I need you to get a knife and a potato.”

Customer: “Umm, okay.” *leaves for a minute* “Okay, got it.”

Friend: “Now cut the potato in half.”

Customer: “Okay.”

Friend: “And rub each half on either side of the router.”

(To my friend’s disbelief, the customer actually did that for several minutes; however, management was listening in and my friend was soon fired, all according to plan.)

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