Blue Collar Sees Red

, , | Working | September 9, 2017

(I have graduated from university, and I now work doing non-destructive controls in industry. Today, I’m working with a colleague who holds a degree in engineering. We’re doing some testing in a district heating station, in the middle of a high-rise building area. For health and safety reasons, we’re donning hardhats, disposable overalls, and safety boots. A middle-aged woman passes by, with her grandson in tow.)

Grandmother: “See? You need to study and get good grades, otherwise you’ll end up a blue collar worker like them!”

Fast To Comeback

, , , , , | Friendly | September 9, 2017

(My dad is going across the parking lot at a store when a lady comes barreling into the lot like she’s in the Indy 500. My dad waves for her to slow down, as he’s worried she’ll hit somebody. She stops her car near him and asks what’s wrong. My dad, who hadn’t expected her to stop, tells her she’s going dangerously fast and could hit somebody.)

Driver: “I didn’t hit you, did I?”

(Some people…)

Grand Theft Pranker

, , , | Right | September 8, 2017

(I am working at a restaurant taking calls. A call comes in and these are the proceedings:)

Caller: “I’m going to kick your a**.”

(I immediately recognize the voice as Niko Bellic, an eastern European man that plays the main character in very famous video game GTA IV. I figure that the caller is using sound clips from the game, as, “I am going to kick your a**,” is one of Niko’s most used lines.)

Me: “Niko! Is that you? Want to get some drinks?”

Caller: *in Niko voice* “F*** OFF!”

Me: “Okay then.” *click*

IOU One IUD

, , , , , | Working | September 8, 2017

(I’m at the doctor’s office with my mother and five-month-old daughter. Due to having my daughter prematurely, then battling an illness, an infection, and an open wound for two months, I’m finally able to talk to my doctor about how I have healed after my c-section, along with birth control.)

Me: “You sure about this, Mom?”

Mom: “Yes, I had one, and it worked beautifully.”

Me: “I just don’t know…”

Nurse: *walks in*

Me: “I’m a bit nervous to get a IUD.”

Nurse: “Oh, you don’t want that.”

Me: “…I don’t?”

Nurse: “No, those things are hell. They hurt, they ruin your uterus, and they can cause you to lose it. Oh, and they can embed themselves and requires surgery to be removed.”

Me: “W-What?!”

Mom: “Hey!”

Nurse: “Besides, you’re breastfeeding. That’ll keep you from getting pregnant.”

Mom: *dryly* “No… it doesn’t, dear. I got pregnant with my youngest while I was nursing my third child.”

Me: “…No. I want the IUD. And I’m not currently nursing… I don’t produce enough.”

Nurse: “I suggest the pill, or keep your legs shut.” *glares at me*

Me: “Excuse you! For one thing, I don’t do well with pills; I forget them very easily! For another, it doesn’t matter to you what I do with my sex life, let alone what direction my legs go.”

Nurse: “Then get the shot!”

Me: “Um, no. With the shot, I hit up so many negative side effects that it’s just not worth it. May I talk to another nurse?”

Nurse: “No, I’m your nurse. Then just get your tubes tied!”

Me: “No. I am not ready to decide not to have anymore children at all at this time, despite being scared to have another. It doesn’t feel right. I want the IUD.”

Nurse: “You do not! I’ll put you down for the shot.” *leaves the room*

Me: “No! Mom!”

Mom: “Here. Take your baby. I have an a** to beat.” *leaves the room*

(I sit in the room for only a few minutes, holding and feeding my daughter, when I hear my mother yelling at another nurse. At this point, I can only assume it is the same one. While that is going on, and my daughter has drained her bottle, my doctor walks in.)

Doctor: “I assume that is your mother.”

Me: “Good call.”

Doctor: “Wow! She is big! Healthy little girl. May I?”

Me: “Absolutely!”

Doctor: *holding my daughter* “All right. I see here you want the shot? I thought we agreed on the IUD?”

Me: “We did… apparently the nurse was hell-bent on not letting me get it. She was more than rude, not taking no for an answer, and she scared me with the side effects.”

Doctor: “The side effects really don’t happen often. I’ve yet to see them myself to be honest. I think it’s the best choice for you. Let me go get a different nurse, and we’ll insert the IUD. Here’s your baby. She’s beautiful, and a miracle.”

(I got my IUD, and the nurse wound up fired. Apparently this wasn’t the first time. Nor was it the first time my mother went after a nurse during this whole ordeal. It’s been over a year, and no terrible side effects yet!)

Pray They Were Talking About Filing

, , , , , | Related | September 8, 2017

(I am sitting in the waiting room of my local GP, where a mother and her son have arrived for their appointment.)

Receptionist: “Miss [Name], I think [Son] needs the toilet.”

Mother: “No, he does that when he’s getting ready. That’s his potty dance.”

Receptionist: “Sorry, but I think he’s trying to tell you he really needs to go.”

Mother: “I’m his mother. I know my son better than anyone. He’ll be ready in a couple of minutes. I’ll take him after his dance.”

(The receptionist protested again, and the mother threatened to complain about her. The boy stopped dancing around a few minutes later, and it looked like he was in a lot of pain. Just as his mother was about to take him to the toilet, the doctor called them in and she decided to force her son to wait again. He could barely move and we were all a bit worried. I was called in to see my doctor next. By the time I left, there were police officers in the building, and I could hear hysterical screaming coming from one of the rooms. As I walked by, I heard one of the receptionists saying, “Imagine using a paperclip to keep it shut.”)

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