Giving Them A Dressing Down

, , , , , | Right | October 16, 2019

(I am working in the female juniors department putting the dressing room clothing back on the floor. A lady in her late 20s, holding an armful of bathing suits, and an older man in his 30s come up to me.)

Me: “Would you like a dressing room, ma’am?”

Customer: “I want to try on these bathing suits, but can my boyfriend come in with me?” 

(All the mothers in the waiting room look at the couple.)

Me: “I’m sorry, but I’m afraid that’s not possible. “

Customer: “But how am I supposed to try on my bikinis if he isn’t there to tell me how I look in them?”

(I turn to her, wondering if she is joking, only to find she is dead serious.)

Me: “Well, you can try the bathing suits on and come into the waiting room to show him, or you can try them on, take a picture with your phone, and send it to him.” 

Customer: “I don’t want strangers to see me in my bikini, just my boyfriend. Why can’t he come in with me?”

Me: “Ma’am, I cannot allow a man into the juniors fitting room.” 

Customer: *getting agitated* “But why not? He isn’t a perv. I just want him to see me try on my bikinis.”

(All the mothers in the waiting room are paying full attention to the conversation.)

Me: “Maybe you didn’t understand what I’m saying. Your boyfriend cannot enter into the young ladies junior fitting room. There are young ladies here trying on clothes and I guarantee you they will not be okay with an unknown male walking into the dressing room. He cannot go in.” 

(The customer suddenly gets the message and faces me, exclaiming.)

Customer: “Oh! They are uncomfortable with their bodies! How cute. I understand. We can go to another department, though, right?” 

Me: “Only if the associates in those departments give you the okay.” 

(The customer leaves with her boyfriend. All the mothers in the waiting room start clapping and telling me how well I handled the situation and that they all wanted to tell the manager what a great employee I am, when…)

Random Grandma: “If the b**** doesn’t want strange people in the dressing room seeing her in a bikini, she’d better not show her ugly a** at the beach or pool.”

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Should Have Bent His Arm Like Beckham

, , , | Right | October 15, 2019

(This bar is in a small-ish town but is the only bar of its type so is usually very busy. This happens on a busy Friday night as I am collecting glasses. A local semi-pro football player is sitting with his girl groupies and grabs my arm as I walk past.)

Customer: *grabs my arm* “Hey, we’ll have three WooWoos and a bottle of champagne.”

Me: “Sorry, sir, this is not a table service bar. You will have to go to the bar to order drinks, I’m afraid.”

Customer: *clearly trying to impress the girls he is with* “You f****** what?! I said three WooWoos and a f****** bottle of champagne, now!” *turning to the girls with a smug grin on his face*

Me: “As I said, sir, we do not offer waiter service. We have three people in and all are behind the bar other than collecting glasses. You will have to order your drinks at the bar yourself.”

Customer: “Look, boy, don’t you know who I am?”

Me: “Oh, sorry, are you David Beckham?”

Customer: “No!”

Me: “Ah, well, in that case, you’ll have to go the bar yourself, then.”

Customer: “I won’t f****** come back in here again, you little s***.”

Me: “As you can see, we have people waiting to sit on that table and a queue outside; I doubt we will go out of business. Stop wasting my time and either go order your drinks or leave; I don’t care which! Oh, and for the record, I do know who you are and also know that I’m older than you and make more money than you running this place, so…” *shrug*

(He sheepishly went to the bar as his groupies giggled.)

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The Female Is More Deadly

, , , , | Related | October 15, 2019

(I am in the process of buying my parents a gift from the store my mother works at, and I need to talk to her store manager about it. I call the store and my mother answers the call, so I put on a high-pitched, close to screeching voice, asking for the manager by name. When she asks for my details, I refuse to give them, demanding to be put through. In due course, I give my mother the gift. She asks how I managed to buy it from her store without her knowing, and I remind her of the phone call.)

Mum: “That was you? You caused so much trouble for [Store Manager].”

Me: “How could I cause trouble for [Store Manager]?”

Mum: “Did I tell you that he gave his fiance’s sister a job? She could hear that it was a female on the phone and threw a fit because I put a call from a woman through to him when he’s engaged to her sister.” 

Me: “Are you kidding? Does she not realise that he works retail and many customers are actually women?”

Mum: “Yeah, I know, I always thought that [SM’s Fiance] was crazy, but her sister takes the cake.”

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He Keeps Calling Because He’s Loan-ly

, , , | Working | October 15, 2019

(I’ve been getting calls from an unknown number, and since I’m always at work when they call, they leave a voicemail. The voicemail is aggressive but vague, saying I owe thousands in loans that needs to be paid back at once. They never say who they’re calling for, what company they’re with, or a number to call back with. Finally, I’m off for a day when they call.)

Me: “Hello?”

Scammer: “Hi, this is a final notice on your debt. If you cannot pay, in full, we will be taking legal action.”

Me: “Okay, is this before or after I sue you for harassment?”

Scammer: “Excuse me?”

Me: “First, you’ve called me almost every day for months. You’ve threatened me for payment on loans I have never made. Either you have the wrong person, or this is a scam.”

Scammer: “No, our records show you owe thousands to [Credit Card Company].”

Me: “Okay, then you have a wrong number. I don’t have a credit card.”

Scammer: “You owe thousands! You have to pay!”

Me: “Okay, what’s my name then? Even just a first name.”

Scammer: “It’s Mary.”

(My name is not even remotely close to Mary.)

Me: “Wrong. I want the name of your company.”

Scammer: “We’re with [Credit Card Company].”

Me: “You are not. You said you were collecting on a loan. You are either a fraud company or have been given an incorrect number.”

Scammer: “F*** you! I’m going to show up at your house and kill you!”

Me: “And now you’re threatening me with violence. Goodbye.”

(I hang up. The next day, I get a call from an 800 number, but a different voicemail is left.)

Voicemail: “This is [Caller] at [Credit Card Company]. I’ve reviewed a call you had with a collector and would like to extend a sincere apology. We have removed your number from our system. If you would ever like to open an account with us, I can see what offer I can make for you, though I understand if this interaction prevents you from working with us. I hope you have a wonderful day.”

(I suddenly stopped getting calls.)

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Only Thing “Expecting” Is A New-Born Fury

, , , | Related | October 15, 2019

(I’m about to meet my new boyfriend’s family for the first time. He tells me that his sister can appear a bit blunt sometimes but she doesn’t mean it that way. “She’s really a darling!” Also worthy of mentioning is that I decided to remain childless.)

Boyfriend’s Sister: “Ah, so, you are my little brother’s new girlfriend, are you? Well, my daughter has a question for you.” *to her daughter* “Don’t you, sweetie?”

Daughter: “Um… yeah… Can I have a little niece?”

(The sister looks at me expectantly with a gaze as if she would skin me alive if I dared to give a wrong answer.)

Me: “Sorry, kiddo. But I’m not going to have any children.”

Boyfriend’s Sister: “Well, isn’t that charming?! You just crushed a little nine-year-old girl’s hopes and dreams! How do you feel about that?”

(She laughed as if it was a better joke than it was but her eyes were shooting daggers. I decided to keep a polite distance from her and avoid any deep conversational topics. What a way to meet the family.)

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