A Small Problem

, , , , , | Working | March 20, 2018

(I am talking with a coworker about classic cars whilst working the coffee machine. A customer has just come in, so I serve while he finishes off the last few orders. When you face the coffee machine, you have your back to the till.)

Me: “Hi. What can I get you?”

Customer: “Just a latte, please.”

Coworker: “I tell you what I do like: midgets.”

Me: “Umm, [Coworker]?”

Coworker: “Sure, you have to smack them when they stop working, but they are sexy little things.”


Coworker: “WHAT?!”

Customer: “Hello!”

(My coworker peers over the counter to see a dwarf man standing there.)

Coworker: “I’m so sorry! We were talking about classic cars, not people with your… um… condition?”

Customer: “It’s okay.” *laughs* “First time I’ve ever had another man call me sexy.”

(The customer took his drink and we laughed about it for the rest of the day.)

Changing The World For The Better

, , , | Right | March 20, 2018

(We have self-scans, which can be a pain in the butt sometimes, but they are generally helpful in keeping customers happy while we put out the morning deliveries. However, sometimes these self-scans frustrate people. I’m working on the reductions — reducing items that go out of date today — and walking up and down the aisles. I hear a commotion as a man is leaving the store.)

Customer: “You f****** robbing b****es!”

(I am very, very confused and run round to my colleague who is serving on the tills. This colleague is a very petite, older lady. She is serving someone else and quietly laughing to herself when I arrive.)

Me: *when the customer leaves* “What just happened?!”

Colleague: “Oh, this guy and his girlfriend came in. They used the self-scan, as young people seem to like to do. It gave him his change, which was five pence, but it gave it to him in the form of two two-pences and one one-pence. So, we had a mini argument…”

(Our store has a policy that we cannot change money of any form, so someone cannot come in with a five-pound note and ask for five one-pound coins. This is how the conversation went.)

Customer: “I wanted a five-pence coin. Change it.”

Colleague: “I just closed the till and cannot access it again without a sale now.”

Customer: “You just shut that on purpose, you b****! Just change it for me!”

Colleague: “I can’t. I’m sorry.”

Customer: *throws the money he got at my colleague* “You’re lying to me! You f****** closed that on purpose! You f****** b****!”

Colleague: “Now, you look here! Don’t you swear at me like that! Get out, now! I’m sure charity will appreciate the five pence you threw at me more than you do!” *proceeds to put the money in a charity box*

(The customer stormed out, swearing and ranting about how we were robbing him.)

Can’t Even Get Past Level One

, , , , , | Working | March 19, 2018

(I work in the video game industry. My coworkers and I are attending a large, well-known entertainment expo that has been opened to the public for the first time this year. While other people we’ve talked to have griped about this, largely I haven’t noticed a difference apart from trying to get through more crowds to my meetings. That changes when I sit down in the food court around lunch time and get approached by a guy wearing a green general public admission badge. My badge is blue, indicating I’m part of the industry.)

Guy: “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Me: “Oh, um, sure.”

Guy: “How do I get a job like yours?”

Me: “You want to be a producer?”

Guy: “Well, or whatever. I’m just really passionate about video games and I knew this would be my big chance.”

(At this point, I am several days into the event, I’m exhausted from work and running from meeting to meeting, and I just want to have a quiet lunch, but I also want to be polite and supportive.)

Me: “Well… I mean, first you should probably figure out exactly what you want to do, and then research what that job typically entails so you can see what skills you might be missing and plan how to fill in those gaps. You can fi—”

Guy: *impatiently* “Give me your email. I’ll send you my resume.”

Me: *taken aback* “Well, we’re not looking to hire right now, but if you want to g—”

Guy: *slamming his palms angrily on the table, causing other people to turn around* “Then send it around to other companies! Help me get in the door! Pay it forward!”

Me: “Look, if you want to get a job in the industry, you sh—”

Guy: “Oh, my God.” *rolling his eyes* “Do me a solid or shut up, lady!” *spins around and storms off* “Elitist f***!”

(I’m more confused than anything else. I make eye contact with a table full of other industry folks sitting across from me, looking equally dumbfounded.)

Industry Guy: “Lesson one to get a job in video games… or any job, really. Don’t be that guy!”

Print Out The Hazard Pay Documentation

, , , | Right | March 19, 2018

(I am working at an office supply store. My job is very simple: stand in the front of the store where all the printer ink is, sell it, and show customers where other items are. The ink we sell is made using recycled cartridges. Otherwise, it’s the exact same thing as new printer ink; just we refilled it, instead, and put our logo on it. A man walks in who looks like he might be a Nordic giant.)

Me: “Hello, sir. How can I help you?”

Customer: “I need ink for my printer.”

(I show him the ink cartridges.)

Me: “Here we have the new cartridges, but over here we have our brand of ink. It’s the exact same thing as the new cartridges, just a lot cheaper.”

(The customer takes the ink and looks at it, a little confused. His expression never changes from a blank stare this entire time.)

Customer: “All right, I’ll take it. But if it breaks my printer, I will come back and break your face.”

(The customer left with the product and I immediately told my manager. He never came back, so I’m guessing it worked fine. Thank goodness.)

Nice Saves On Not-So-Nice Subjects

, , , , , | Romantic | March 18, 2018

Husband: “Would you be mad if you fell asleep and I started doing you…”

Me: “…”

Husband: “…”

Me: “…”

Husband: “…a …huge favour by rubbing your back?”

(On another occasion… Note: My husband works as a barista.)

Husband: *referring to a very attractive woman we had just met* “Wow, I would make sweet, sweet…”

Me: *raises eyebrows*

Husband: “…coffee for her?”

(My husband is the king of nice saves.)

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