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“We’re The Piraaates Who Don’t Do Anythiiiing…”

, , , , , , , | Working | May 24, 2022

Back in the early days of office computer networks, I was put in charge of setting up and maintaining the network for the law firm I worked at. The partner attorney who oversaw all this was really something!

First, the firm’s entire reason for upgrading to networked computers was so that the firm would have an inter-office email system. But Mr. Partner decided that it would cost too much to buy thirty-five individual versions of the software and bought only ONE stand-alone version and had me install that one install disk on all thirty-five computers, using the same code every time. Thus, email wasn’t possible because stand-alone software didn’t include it.

After some investigation, I did find a way to do short “instant messages” from one person to another and set up a short macro for everyone to make that easier. Mr. Partner was heard proudly referring to that as “our email system.”

He followed that up by ordering me to call a friend in a nearby firm to ask if we could “borrow” their install disks for a spreadsheet program. Not surprisingly, that request was denied.

Then, he attended a conference at the local Bar Association on the subject of computer piracy and came to me afterward.

Partner: “Have you heard about computer piracy? It’s really terrible!”

Me: “Yes, I have heard of it. We do it all the time. If we did it any more, I’d have to have a patch on my eye and a parrot on my shoulder!”

The following year, they opted to do an actual legit upgrade to have real email and licensed software on each PC, all while Mr. Partner kept shaking his head saying he really didn’t see why we needed to go to that expense!

Shining Some Clarity On The Situation

, , , , , | Right | May 24, 2022

I work in a hotel. I am checking out a couple after a weekend stay. The husband is reaming off a list of complaints.

Guest: “We need a discount! The AC was too weak, the water pressure was too strong, the view was boring…”

As he’s continuing, I notice a small piece of fabric sticking out of his luggage, caught in the zipper.

Me: “But you liked our lamps so much that you felt compelled to get one yourself?”

Guest: *Stopping mid-rant* “Uh… what?”

Me: “Our custom fabric lampshades. From the looks of your luggage, you liked them very much.”

The guest is flustered, knowing he’s been caught stealing.

Me: “So… provided the room is left in the condition in which you found it, you’re satisfied with paying the standard rate?”

Guest: “I… uh… yes, please.”

The lampshade magically appeared at our help desk a few minutes later.

This Becoming The Norm Is Worse. You Do Get How That’s Worse, Right?

, , , , , , | Right Working | May 24, 2022

CONTENT WARNING: Sexual Harassment


I’m working at a big box store, wandering the aisles to adjust product placements and see what items need to be restocked. I turn the corner into one aisle and see two people: a young woman, in her late teens or early twenties, browsing, and a middle-aged man who is very obviously leering at her while rubbing his hand against his crotch through his jeans. The woman is not aware of the man’s presence.

Me: *Practically shouting* “Dude, that’s disgusting!”

The man laughs and disappears around the corner of the aisle.

Me: *To the young woman* “I’m sorry about that, miss.”

Woman: “What happened?”

Me: “Well… to be blunt, he was watching you and touching himself.”

Woman: *Rolling her eyes* “Gee, what else is new. Thanks for stopping him.”

Me: “You’re welcome. I’ll try to get him banned from the store, but I have to go through my manager for that. Anyway, enjoy your shopping. If you need any help, please ask me or any other employee.”

I headed straight to my manager to alert him of the creepy guy, but he claimed that since the guy never harassed the woman “directly” — basically, since he never did anything to get the woman’s attention — there was nothing he or the store could do about it.

As a middle-aged man myself, who was raised to respect women, this was the first time I realized just how prevalent this sort of casual harassment is. I expected the young woman to get upset or be embarrassed or something, but to see her pretty much blow the whole thing off as just another part of life was honestly kind of heartbreaking.

The Horn Of Scorn

, , , | Right | May 23, 2022

It is the supper rush, and a man pulls into the drive-thru. He states what he wants with no issue, but he is followed up by a muffled female voice. Our shift leader, who is taking the order, politely asks them to repeat what she said; people ordering from the passenger’s side don’t come through very well.

His response is to lay on the horn to bless the ears of every nearby car and the headsets of the employees, and yell:

Customer: “Can you hear her now?!”

The manager is instantly fed up and tells them to leave. The reaction?

Customer: “Well, fine, but I don’t think I did anything wrong.”

Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 5

, , , , | Right | May 23, 2022

A group of workers in business attire has opened a tab on the bar on a company card, and they are really going for it. They’ve drunk plenty, but they seem to think because they’re spending money they can do anything they want, including harassing our waitstaff and other customers.

Finally, I have had enough of their behavior and I bring their card and bill over to them.

Me: “I’ve settled the bill on the card, and we’ve decided we won’t be serving you for the rest of the evening. Please feel free to finish your current drinks and then leave.”

Customer: “The f***?! You can’t do that.”

Me: “Actually, we can. You’re making our staff and other guests uncomfortable, so we would like for you to leave.”

Customer: “We’re spending so much money! You want us to stop spending?!”

Me: “No money is worth putting up with your behavior.”

Customer: “But we’re customers! The customer is always right!”

Me: “The customer is always right, but the bartender decides who is a customer. You’re all paid up and done here, so you’re no longer customers. Good night!”

Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 4
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 3
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World, Part 2
Why Barkeeps Should Rule The World