Has All The Equipment Required To Be Rude

, , | Right | December 7, 2018

(This elderly gentleman calls the TV provider I work for, asking to purchase a service. His account populates with a permanent warning instruction: “Caution: repeat caller, customer highly aggressive and verbally abusive.”)

Me: “Welcome to [TV Provider]. My name is [My Name]; how can I help?”

Customer: *under his breath — not sure why he thinks I can’t hear him* “For f***’s sake.

Me: “Apologies, again, my name is [My Name]. How can I help?”

Customer: “I want [specific service].”

Me: “No worries. I’ll just price that up.”

Customer: “Hmm.”

Me: “So, the subscription itself is free, but your equipment and install come to [three-digit cost].”

Customer: “No.”

Me: “Sorry?”

Customer: “I’m not paying that.”

Me: “I do apologise, sir, but the service you have asked for requires equipment supplied by [TV Provider] and an installation.”

Customer: “Don’t need it installed.”

Me: “Do you have the equipment already?”

Customer: “No, but it doesn’t need bloody installed, I tell you.”

Me: “To make sure that your warranty is valid, it does, sir.”

Customer: “Well, f*** off. I’m not paying it.”

Me: “It looks like we are at an impasse, sir; if you are unwilling to pay, I can’t sell you the service you asked for.”

Customer: “Well, that’s f****** b*****ks! You can’t deny me a service! If I go to [Supermarket] and ask for a loaf of bread, they can’t say no, can they!?”

Me: “If you aren’t going to pay for the loaf of bread, they sure can. Now, how would you like to pay?”

Customer: “You know what? I would rather go on eBay and buy one for [sum less than a fast food meal] than you getting my hard-earned money in your filthy back f****** pocket—”

Me: *cutting the customer off* “Will that be all, sir?” *not even taking a beat* “Yes. Goodbye, sir.”

Don’t Bank On The Rank

, , , , | Working | December 7, 2018

Back in the early 2000s I was in the Territorial Army, the UK equivalent of the National Guard. I served for around five years or so before being honourably discharged. One Christmas I put my name down to work as staff for the officers’ and NCOs’ annual dinner.

During the dinner, I ended up working behind the bar in the officers’ mess. One of our “clients” for the evening was a young officer I knew well enough to consider a personal friend. He had just been promoted from Lieutenant to Captain, and so was spending his evening buying drinks for his fellow officers, and having drinks bought for him.

At one point during the evening, this officer staggered up to the bar. I could see that he was very drunk. “Hi, [My Name]!” he slurred, smiling at me. He ordered another drink for himself. “Are you sure that’s wise, sir?” I asked. My officer friend smiled and said it would be fine. I gave him his drink.

A few minutes later, the duty sergeant, who was behind the bar with me, took me aside for a “chat.” He told me that I must never question an officer, that I should have just given him his drink without question. “But sergeant, he can hardly stand!” I protested. The sergeant nodded sadly. “I can see that,” he said. “But you’re a private, and he’s a newly-promoted captain.” I sighed, shrugged and said, “Okay, sergeant.”

The next morning I learnt what had happened to my officer friend. He was leaving the officers’ mess, tripped, fell down a flight of stairs, and ended up in hospital with a fractured skull.

I learnt two things that night: 1. Just because someone wears a rank it doesn’t mean they always behave responsibly or are always right. 2. Rules are often necessary to create order, but sometimes, rules are complete bulls***.

Even The Ghosts Thought That Was Cold

, , , , , | Friendly | December 7, 2018

(My friends and I have joined in on a tour of a hotel supposedly haunted by a little boy. The tour is being run by a group that has a few married couples. It’s decided that a group of females will go into the room where the little boy is supposed to be. There is one woman acting as lead.)

Leader: *addressing the ghost* “If you would like to make yourself known or even seen, we wish you no harm. We are all mothers here…” *even louder and with a b****y undertone* “…except for those who can’t actually have children.”

(I wonder why she would even toss that comment in. We wait about ten minutes with no action, so we move out into the pitch-black hall to get ready to move to the next part of the tour. A few minutes later, my friend hears a noise in another hallway off from where we are waiting. She quickly snaps a picture up the hall.)

Friend: “Oh, my God! Look at this!” *shows us a picture of two people embracing* “Um, isn’t that [Lead]’s husband and [Other Woman]? Are they having an affair?”

Me: “Wait a minute. It looks like she’s crying; he could simply be comforting her. I wondered who [Lead] aimed that comment at, about someone not being able to have babies.”

Friend: “Oh, she did say that, didn’t she? I thought I misheard her.”

Me: “I was standing next to her.”

Other Friend: “I must have missed that comment, but I did wonder why [Other Woman] got up and walked out of the room.”


Got His Harass Handed To Him

, , , , | Legal | December 6, 2018

(I’m a supervisor on a computer helpdesk. One of my tasks is to listen in on calls to check if agents are giving customers the required service. Listening in on a call, I overhear a customer being very rude to an agent. He’s calling her various foul names like slut and whore. She’s just trying to help him the best she can. The girl is nearly in tears, so I decide to teach this customer a lesson. I tell the agent to end the call because I’ll be taking over. This is how the conversation goes.)

Me: “This is [My Name]. I overheard the conversation you had with my agent and I decided that your support contract just ended. Any problem you have with your computer is no longer our concern.”

Customer: “You can’t do that. I have rights. I will sue you.”

Me: “Please do. We have recorded your call, and we will press charges for sexual harassment against you. Since you were so kind to provide us with your name and address, the police won’t have any difficulty finding you.”

Customer: “You don’t have the right to do this.”

Me: “You mean that we don’t have the right to report a sexual offender to the police?”

Customer: “I’ve got contacts. I’ll have you fired.”

Me: “Sure, but first you’ll have the police on your door.”

Customer: “You can’t do that to me.”

Me: “I can. And we will. Have a nice day, sir.”

(I contacted our legal counsellors and they told me to press charges. We did report him, and we handed over the recordings and the witness statement from the agent. He did get to do community service and had to pay a substantial sum to the agent. My employer didn’t have any problem with the way I handled the problem. He still uses this story as an example of how his company stands behind the employees. The agent got counselling and a few weeks off to recover. She’s still working for us.)

This Mom Is All Bark And No Byte

, , , | Right | December 6, 2018

(I’m working in the electronic department when I overhear a woman saying, “You can get whatever you want, since we just sold our house!” near the game case. She comes over to me a moment later asking for help.)

Customer: “We would like the [Game Console], the 500 GB one. Wait. Is that a 1 TB?”

Me: “Yep, and it comes with the same game! You get a lot more space with the 1 TB.”

Son: *to mother* “I want the 500 GB one!”

Customer: “No, you’re going to get the 1 TB one. You can get the higher-quality one! It’s fine!”

Me: *unlocks the doors and grabs the console* “Would you like any other games at all today?”

Customer: *to son* “What headset did you want?!”

Son: *pointing at a cheaper one* “This one!”

Customer: “No! You’ll get the more expensive one! I told you we sold the house! You can get what you want!”

Son: “Yeah, I want this one!”

Customer: “NO! You’ll get that one.” *pointing to a headset that is $10 more underneath the one her son wants*

Customer: *to me* “Get him that one!”

(I unlock the headset for her, and as I’m about to hand the headset to her son…)

Customer: *to son* “No, have her put everything in the cart and push it for us!”

Son: “What?!”

Customer: “You heard me! Have her put everything in our cart, and she can push it for us!”

Husband: *who was off in another aisle* “Wait? What are you making her do?!”

Customer: “I’m making her push the cart for us!”

Husband: “Uh… No?” *to me* “We’d also like to get a three-month online card for it.”

Customer: *to me* “And push the cart, too!”

(I put the items in the cart for her, move the cart a foot over to the next aisle, and grab an online card for them.)

Me: “Would you like to pay for this all back at our counter, or up front today?”

(If she takes it up front, I’ll have to walk the console up there.)

Customer: “Back here, obviously!”

(The husband pushes the cart to my counter, which is really only a few steps away. I’m ringing up items when the protection program window pops up; it’ll do it for each item. They are in the middle of a conversation, so I don’t want to interrupt.)

Me: “Sorry… Would you like the extended protection plan on any of your items today?”

(I am ignored.)

Me: “I’m sorry.”

(The woman stops and glares at me.)

Me: “Would you like the extended protection plan on any of your items today?”

Customer: “NO!”

(I finish ringing and bagging her items — minus the console and TV because they don’t fit — and she inserts her card. It’s waiting for her to sign, but she’s busy talking to her family so she doesn’t see it.)

Me: “I’m sorry, looks like it needs a signature to process your card.”

Customer: “Ugh.” *signs*

Me: “All righty, thank you. Have a good rest of your—”

Customer: *to husband* “She needs to put a paid sticker on [Console]!”

Me: “I’m sorry, we don’t have paid stickers.” *the consoles don’t fit in our regular bags* “If you’d like, I could put it in our larger bags that we used for Christmas… Let me see if I still have some… Oh, I do!”

Customer: “Whatever.”

Me: *bags it up* “Thank you and have a wonderful day!”

(I was ignored. Again.)

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