H2-Oh, Really?

, , , , | Right | May 4, 2021

A coworker is straightening some shelves and has a shopping cart with her, in which she puts empty secondary packaging, expired merchandise, and the like. She also has her half-empty water bottle in there, which is definitely in a design that we don’t carry.

She leaves her cart to help a customer and she returns to her cart to find her bottle and almost all of the merchandise missing. A woman had been browsing next to the cart when she had left just a few moments before, so she starts to look for said woman. She finds the woman as she is stuffing the water bottle and a TV dinner — of which she has ripped off the packaging — into her shopping bag.

When confronted, the woman becomes very defensive.

Woman: “I wanted to buy this stuff! They were marked down, of course. Why else would they be in that cart?”

Coworker: “They were not marked down. In fact, they were never going to be; they were expired. And that water bottle wasn’t even for sale at all; it was my personal one!”

The woman still refused to admit her defeat, and the whole incident escalated to the point that security had to escort her outside.

We still shake our heads about it and wonder if she had a poor grip on reality and actually believed what she told us, or if she thought that we would fall for that tall tale she presented us, and if it had, in fact, worked somewhere else.

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Auntie Loves You… To A Point

, , , , , | Related | CREDIT: blue_eyed_mess | May 4, 2021

About three years ago, my partner and I wanted to get our daughter a really nice gift for Christmas, so we saved up to get her a DS Lite and a couple of games. I was on the phone with my sister a little after New Year’s.

Sister: “Hey, can you lend me some money? I don’t have any food and I don’t get paid for a whole week.”

Me: “I can probably lend you a tenner. Just pay me back when you get paid.”

Sister: “Oh. Okay. Any chance you could do a bit more? I literally have nothing.”

Me: “That’s all I can give you, Sis. Sorry.”

At that moment, my daughter asks me to help her with something on her DS and if we can go to the shop to spend the £15 she got as Christmas money.

Sister: “Aww, is that my little niece? Tell her Auntie says hi and I love you.”

Me: *To my daughter* “Auntie says hi and she loves you.” *To my sister* “Yeah, I had to help her with something on her DS and she wants to spend her Christmas money.”

Sister: “Oh. So, you have more than a tenner? You can send me more.”

Me: “What? It’s not my money; it’s [Daughter]’s. So, no.”

Sister: “Come on. I know my little niece would like to help her Auntie.”

Me: “I said no.”

Sister: “Well, you can always get a refund for the DS and give me the money. It’s not really an essential thing, anyway.”

You know those moments in movies where they pull the phone from their ear and just stare at it? I had that moment.

Me: “Why the h*** would I do that?!”

Sister: “Because you’re my big sister and it’s your responsibility as family.”

Me: “So, I should get the money back that [Partner] and I saved for [Daughter]’s Christmas present and give it to you? I don’t think so.”

Sister: “But… you have to.”

Me: “No, I don’t.”

Sister: “Yes, you do! You need to give me money for food!”

Me: “No, I really don’t. I offered to lend you a tenner and you had the cheek to tell me you should get my daughter’s money. Seriously?! You are so flipping ungrateful.”

Sister: “Oh, my God! Whatever! I’ll just starve!”

She cut off the call.

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This Regular Is Highly Irregular

, , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2021

I’m a new cashier in a supermarket. When we are not busy, I will help stock shelves. Half an hour before close, I am cleaning my register; luckily, we have no customers. My manager is restocking the cigarettes when a guy high as a kite walks in wearing nothing but a white sock on his left foot.

Me: “Ah, [Manager].”

My manager looks up in time to see him walk down an aisle. She’s momentarily stunned.

Manager: “Oh, umm… [My Name], can you please go and stock and keep an eye out for customers?”

Me: *Trying my hardest not to laugh* “Sure thing.”

I stand and tidy the end display between the aisle he went down and the next while my manager calls the cops. I watch him grab a soft drink and start drinking it while dancing around to the next aisle. He grabs a multipack of chocolates and dances on the spot while singing gibberish.

The cops arrive within five minutes. One is carrying a blanket and wraps it around him.

Officer #1: “[High Guy], you need to come with us. We’ll take you home.”

High Guy: *More gibberish*

Officer #2: “Come on, they’re closing now. Time to go.”

They lead him out of the store; he goes without a fight.

Me: *To the manager* “What the h***?”

Manager: “He comes in occasionally high, but that’s a first.”

A couple of months later, he came back and apologized for what had happened. The cops took him to the hospital that night. He then checked into rehab and got himself clean, and five years later he’s still a regular customer and is doing really well.

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A Battery Of Smugness

, , , , , | Right | May 3, 2021

I am the “disrupted operations supervisor” for my airline, dealing with delays, cancellations, and disruptive passengers. I’m called to escort a passenger to the luggage claim because his bag is vibrating, and the police want to speak with him.

The officer opens the bag in front of him and removes a battery-operated shaving machine.

Officer: “Sir, do you know it’s illegal to carry batteries in your hold luggage?”

Passenger: “No, I didn’t.”

Then he turns to me and asks:

Passenger: “How are you going to fix this?”

Me: “Well, either you remove the battery or you carry it in your hand.”

Passenger: *Yelling* “The battery can’t be removed, you moron! And I’m not taking nothing in my hands.” *Smirking* “So, how are you going to fix it?”

I signal the officer to stand down and answer.

Me: “Sir, please there’s no need for that. In this case, the item will have to stay behind unless you’re willing to reconsider.”

Passenger: “H*** no. You’re not keeping it and I won’t carry it in my hand.” *Smirking again* “So, how are you going to fix it?”

I repeat myself and he repeats his question.

Me: “Sir, I don’t have time for this.”

I put the item in the destruction bin.

Me: “Please proceed to the boarding gate and have a nice flight.”

As I’m turning away, the police start to escort him back to the boarding lounge.

Passenger: “I guess I’ll just borrow my friend’s machine from his bag.”

The cops stopped and led him into the police station. The airport called his friend and removed his bags from the plane, causing a ten-minute delay. They were issued fines and lost their flight.

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It Sounds Like The Cat Escaped

, , , , , , , | Right | May 3, 2021

I am on my way back to my register from my break when I see a woman coming straight toward me pushing a walker. She makes eye contact with me, parks her walker in the middle of the walkway, and steps to one side to look at something. I now have a small little opening to try and squeeze through to get past her, making social distancing difficult.

Me: “Excuse me, please.”

I carefully scoot past her.

Customer: “Sorry, but not really.”

I don’t say anything and return to my register. An hour later, the woman comes around the corner, her mask down beneath her chin. She looks at some items and picks up a small packet, covers her mouth with it, and coughs loudly on it. She then comes to my register and tries to hand it to me.

Me: “Sorry, I can’t touch that.”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “Because your mask is off and you coughed all over it.”

Customer: “Tch, it’s a smoker’s cough!”

Me: “It doesn’t matter. Your mask is off and I can’t touch that after you’ve coughed all over it.”

She sighs, pulls her mask back up, and puts the item in her purse. She grabs another one and has me scan it instead. As she’s paying, she pulls her mask off again.

Customer: “I’ve been smoking a lot more because I’m stressed about my cat. I let a bunch of strangers stay in my house, and I knew I shouldn’t, and they left the door open and my cat ran away.”

Me: “I’m sorry to hear that. Please pull your mask back up. Cats are smart; it might come back.”

Customer: “No. My daughter is a white witch and she told me the cat is already dead.”

Me: “Um… I’m… sorry.”

I just stood there blinking as she finally left.

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