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Like The Onions, This Complaint Has Layers

, , | Right | December 3, 2021

An older woman comes driving in to give an order. Our location doesn’t have a speaker due to neighborhood ordnance, so all the orders in drive-thru are taken face to face.

Customer: “Double cheeseburger without onions.”

I ring it in, complete her order, and send her on her way. About five minutes after she picks up her food, she comes back through the drive-thru.

Customer: “They put onions on my burger!”

I apologize and print her up a duplicate receipt to confirm to her and myself that I rang it in without onions.

Me: “If you go up to the front window and tell the manager, they’ll replace the burger for free, made correctly, but I can’t do anything about it back here.”

She did so, and they gave her a brand-new burger and an apology. I thought that was the end of the situation, but boy, was I wrong. She called the state government on me, by name, demanding I be fired! I was told that she called the food safety department, the chamber of commerce, and the governor’s office.

The franchise owner called to say that it turned out that she is allergic to onions, and she straight up accused me of deliberately ringing her sandwich in wrong and trying to poison her and then printing up a false duplicate receipt of her order to make her look like a liar. Keep in mind that I read the receipt back to her and she confirmed it was her order.

I didn’t get along with the manager who was working at the time, but even he was like, “That’s complete crap. It wasn’t even [My Name]’s mistake — it was the kitchens — and we fixed it for her.”

The franchise owner was told by whichever branch of the state government called them that the customer had demanded that I be fired. I wasn’t — I wasn’t even written up — but I did stop wearing my name tag at work when I could get away with it.

This Is Why Mental Health Awareness Is A Thing Now

, , , , , | Related | December 3, 2021

This was during the 1980s when “mental health” was generally reserved for people proclaiming to be Jesus Christ or walking around mumbling to themselves and neglecting their hygiene.

My mom was known for being paranoid in the sense that she constantly thought everyone around her was up to no good. She once seriously accused my dad of raping a woman when an irate customer scratched him in the face after being refused a refund, and she once accused my nine-year-old sister of being involved in a bank robbery and hiding the money somewhere in the woods after a petite teenaged girl robbed a local bank down the street from us.

This one, I just couldn’t pass up sharing. One day, my mom bursts into my room.

Mom: “Give it to me.”

Me: “What?”

Mom: “MY PURSE!”

Me: “Mom, I have a job at [Fast Food Restaurant] and I deliver papers on the weekends. I don’t need your little $30 or however much Dad gave you to pick up some cigarettes.”

We get to arguing, and she insists I stole her purse. I tell my Dad about it, and he simply says:

Dad: “You gotta learn to ignore her. That woman has drunk enough booze over her lifetime to float a ship, and she won’t seek help because she thinks she’s just fine. As soon as you both are old enough to move out, I’m filing for divorce.”

The next day, I’m at school, and the principal’s voice booms over the intercom.

Principal: “[My Name], please report to the office.”

I go over there to find my mom standing outside the office. She takes me outside.

Mom: “GIVE ME MY PURSE!”

Me: “I didn’t take your purse! Why would I steal money from you if I have my own job and have cash practically coming out of my ears?!”

Mom: “That’s not why you took it.”

Me: “Huh?

Mom: “You know exactly what I’m talking about. GIVE IT TO ME!”

She goes on with this charade for two more days before finally coming to me with said purse.

Mom: “I owe you an apology. I left it in [Friend]’s van.”

Me: “Okay, I accept your apology, but Mom, why would you think I’d steal money from you when I have my own job and a weekend paper route?”

Mom: *Pulling out her driver’s license* “See in the photo how I had my hair cropped really low? I remember how you kept saying how you couldn’t wait to move out and go to California. I thought you were going to take my license, put on makeup and a dress, buy a plane ticket to California, and rent an apartment under my name.”

I am silent for a moment.

Me: “You thought I was going to dress in drag… and try to buy a plane ticket as a seventeen-year-old who is a six-foot-two, 180-pound male using the license of someone that says the bearer should be a thirty-nine-year-old woman standing at five-foot-three and weighing 130 pounds?”

Mom: “Well… I’m just glad to know you wouldn’t do something like that. It says a lot about you.”

Me: “JESUS CHRIST, MOM!”

To this day, she hasn’t set foot in a psychiatrist’s office (or an AA meeting) because she genuinely is convinced she’s perfectly fine. And yes, my dad divorced her as soon as my sister moved out — on her eighteenth birthday, unsurprisingly.

The Husband And Wife Do Not Make A Good Crossfit

, , , , , | Right | December 3, 2021

A woman comes in with a return. At first glance, it’s no big deal, just coming in to return a shirt. She hands me the receipt to start processing and we exchange a pleasant greeting.

I take the shirt out of the bag to examine it and it is beyond disgusting. There are brown sweat stains all over it, from the pits to the stomach to the shoulder. It looks like whoever wore it rolled in mud or some nonsense.

Me: “I cannot return the product because it has clearly been used, and only unused and re-sellable items can be returned.”

Customer: “That’s a lie!”

I hold up the shirt and point to the brown pit stains.

Me: “Can’t you see these stains?”

Customer: “Get me your manager!”

I am the manager and I’m not budging! After several minutes of complaining, she finally leaves.

Customer: “I’ll be complaining to corporate and getting you fired!”

Fast forward a few days. A guy walked into the store, found the first store associate he could, and immediately asked for me by name. Uh-oh, here we go again. My associate brought the guy over to where I was standing, and I politely greeted him.

The guy spent the next ten minutes apologizing for his crazy wife verbally abusing my staff and me a few days prior. Apparently, the guy went to the beach and did some type of CrossFit training class IN THE SAND. His wife knew all of this; she was at the class with him! The guy ended up not liking the shirt for some reason and his wife thought she could pull a fast one on us by making a scene.

She Will Need To Choose Her Next Phone Call Very Carefully

, , , , , | Right | December 2, 2021

I work for a phone company in a call center. We are in training for a new scope of service, and part of that training involves listening to some of those calls that “may be recorded for training purposes.”

In this recording, a woman calls us in a fury. She has discovered that her son has replaced her number on his “five favorite numbers” list with the contact information of an unknown female.

Caller: “You need to change it back!”

Agent: “I am sorry, ma’am, but we legally cannot do that. It’s not your phone and he made the change intentionally.”

The woman flips out, screaming and shouting.

Caller: “You are crooked! This is so unfair!”

We then realise that the caller is calling from the store in her local mall. After about five minutes of rage, we hear the following exchange.

Serious Authority Voice: “Ma’am, if you can’t calm down, you’re going to have to leave the store.”

Caller: *Mostly incoherent raging* “I will not calm down! They’re cheating me!”

Serious Authority Voice: “Okay, ma’am, you’re under arrest.”

Caller: “I’m what?”

Serious Authority Voice: “You’re under arrest, ma’am, for [something muffled and unintelligible].”

This final declaration is followed by the sound of a mobile phone clattering to the floor/countertop, from where the salesperson retrieves it:

Salesperson: “Uh… yeah, sorry about that. I don’t think you have to worry about this anymore. She just got arrested.”

The Incredible Hulk Goes Shopping

, , , , , , | Right | CREDIT: ANONYMOUS BY REQUEST | December 2, 2021

I work in a large home improvement store. The health crisis is at its peak in my state and lines are bonkers at our store — wrapped around the inside of the store to the back wall. As you may imagine, we have many crazies come in over this time, as well as just impatient and frustrated people, which is understandable.

There is a line at self-checkout and this guy is already huffing and puffing and causing a scene in line about having to use self-checkout and having to wait in line. He gets to the self-checkout and proceeds to reluctantly scan his items. As he gets ready to pay, the card reader declines his card due to a chip error — we still don’t know if it was the card or the reader, as our new readers do this a lot.

So, what is the natural reaction for the customer in this situation? Ask for help? Retry the card again?

No. The man straight-up sucker punches the screen, breaking the screen and damaging the LEDs in the screen, rendering the whole system useless as our registers are all on one computer.

My coworker calls over our store manager to notify her that this man has just damaged about $700 worth of stuff and caused a scene while doing it. The store manager shows up to speak with him, and what do you think she does? Call the police? Have Asset Protection put this man on a trespass notice and force him to pay for damages?

No. She gives him all his stuff for free and makes no effort to punish him for breaking our stuff. This makes our jobs more difficult as we have to wait well over a week for a new computer, and this is one of the only two self-checkout machines that take cash, so it slows our lines even more.

I’m so glad I’m out of retail and only have to deal with people yelling at me over the phone now!