Wouldn’t Be Caught Dead With This Customer

, , , , | Right | August 9, 2018

(I work as a customer service manager at a store. A clearly drunk guy barges into the store right before closing. He tries to buy alcohol.)

Me: “I’m sorry, sir, but we can’t sell you that right now.”

Customer: *loudly* “I WILL HAVE YOU ALL DEAD!”

(I then called security to get him out. This happened six years ago and I am not dead yet.)

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Getting His Insecure Panties In A Twist

, , , , | Right | August 9, 2018

(I work in a lingerie sore. We cater only to women, but occasionally a man will come in shopping with his girlfriend or partner. It astounds me how many men think it’s okay to stroll into the fitting room areas with their girlfriends to “assist” them trying things on. Our company policy is that no men are to be allowed in the fitting rooms when there are other customers trying things on. Most women feel very uncomfortable if they are trying on bras when there is a strange man nearby. One day, a man comes in with his girlfriend, and I have to politely ask him to leave the fitting rooms.)

Me: *politely in a quiet voice* “I’m really sorry, but we don’t allow men in our fitting rooms when there are other customers using them.”

Male Customer: *stares at me*

Me: “I know you are just with your girlfriend, but it’s for the privacy of our customers.”

(He blinks and walks away and I think everything is fine, but later he approaches me again.)

Male Customer: *aggressive* “You know, just because I have a penis, it doesn’t mean I am dangerous!

(He certainly seemed threatening after that!)

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Hot Dog Means Sick Dog

, , , , , | Related | August 7, 2018

(My mother-in-law rules her roost, which is fine. Her house, her rules. However, she rarely listens to the rules set in other households, as she believes she knows best. My husband has invited his family over for a BBQ. My dog has a very sensitive stomach and is on prescription food to avoid any digestive issues.)

Mother-In-Law: “Where is [Dog]?”

Me: “Inside.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, bring her outside.”

Me: “She begs for scraps and then gets sick.”

Mother-In-Law: “But she’s probably hungry, smelling all this food.”

Me: “She has food and water right now. She doesn’t get people food because it encourages begging and, as I just said, she always gets sick.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, one little burger won’t hurt.”

Me: “Yes. Yes, it will. Please leave her alone.”

Mother-In-Law: *rolls her eyes but says nothing*

(Not long after this exchange, I see my dog wandering the yard, trying to snitch food from abandoned plates.)

Me: “How did [Dog] get out?”

Mother-In-Law: “She was hungry!”

Me: “I gave her food!”

Mother-In-Law: “Well, she obviously didn’t like it. Look: she wants hot dogs!”

(She tosses a fully loaded hot dog to my dog, who scarfs it down and comes over for more.)

Me: “[Mother-In-Law], I’m serious. Do not feed [Dog], or you will not be welcome back here for a long time.”

Mother-In-Law: “Don’t talk to me like that! [My Husband], is your wife always so disrespectful?”

Me: “Respect my rules and I’ll respect you.”

Mother-In-Law: “You’ll respect me because I am your mother-in-law.”

Me: “Do not feed my dog.”

Mother-In-Law: “She’s starving!”

Husband: “She is not, Mom. We don’t want her having people food. She has a sensitive stomach. You know this.”

Mother-In-Law: “Oh, it’s fine. Don’t be so uptight.”

(I took my dog back inside… where she threw up. Luckily, it wasn’t on the carpet so it was easy enough to clean up. I told my mother-in-law that she should clean it up, as she was the one who fed the dog. She refused and insisted it was something I did. She has not been invited to any other functions at our house since, and she’s quite snippy with me when we do see each other.)

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Try This New IPA! Tastes Like The Holocaust!

, , , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

Me: “Hello, sir, may I see your ID?”

Customer: “Why?”

Me: “I’m supposed to get ID when someone buys beer.”

(The customer just continues to stare at me, as if expecting more of an explanation.)

Me: “It’s the law.”

Customer: “So, you just do whatever the government tells you to do?”

(I’m not really sure how to respond, so I just remain silent. The customer suddenly becomes obscenely angry.)

Customer: “Honestly, you’re no better than those Nazis throwing Jews in the oven!”

(He rattles off some more nonsense about how I’m a Nazi for daring to ask for his ID, and then some switch in his brain goes from crazy to horny.)

Customer: “But you’re pretty cute, so I guess I can show you just this once.”

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That’s The Tall And Short Of It

, , , , , | Right | August 7, 2018

(I’m a customer in this one, although thankfully not the offender. On my way home from my job, I sometimes like to stop in a convenience store to satisfy my gigantic sweet tooth with the excellent chocolate they sell there. One evening is very busy, and unfortunately the line for their register is horrendously long. I’m standing at the back of the line, when a middle-aged mom rather rudely cuts the line in front of a taller woman.)

Taller Customer: “Excuse me! That was very rude!”

(The cutter doesn’t acknowledge her complaints. The taller one huffs indignantly and raises her voice.)

Taller Customer: “Ex-cuse me! You cut the line! I demand my spot back!”

Shorter Customer: “Leave me alone, you nosy c***!”

(The taller woman is aghast at this, and she immediately starts shrieking at the top of her lungs to all and sundry.)

Taller Customer: “THIS B**** CUT THE LINE, AND NOW SHE’S SWEARING AT ME! MANAGER! I DEMAND TO SEE THE MANAGER!”

(The shorter woman begins screaming at the tall woman just as loudly in Spanish, of which only an obscenity is recognizable. One of the store employees walks over to try to break them up and calm them down.)

Employee: “Please, can we both calm down here? What’s going on?”

Taller Customer: “THIS F****** BORDER-JUMPER CUT THE LINE, AND NOW SHE’S SCREAMING AT ME! I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! I DEMAND YOU REMOVE HER AT ONCE!”

Shorter Customer: “F*** YOU! I HAVE TWO KIDS, AND I NEED TO GET OUT OF HERE TO CATCH A DOCTOR’S APPOINTMENT!”

Taller Customer: “THAT’S NO F****** EXCUSE!”

(The poor employee is vainly trying to talk over them to get them to shut up. They’ve completely blocked up the line.)

Employee: “Please, could the two of you step out of the line so we can work this—”

(The tall customer rounds on him.)

Taller Customer: “YOU’RE TAKING THIS B****’S SIDE? I DIDN’T DO ANYTHING! WHERE’S YOUR MANAGER? I WANT TO SPEAK TO YOUR MANAGER!”

Employee: “Listen, ma’am, I honestly don’t know what happened, but you’re blocking the line and we need you to step out so we can work this out.”

Taller Customer: “F*** YOU! YOU’RE JUST REWARDING HER BAD BEHAVIOR!”

Employee: “Ma’am, if y—”

Taller Customer: “I SHOP HERE EVERY WEEK! I’M YOUR BEST CUSTOMER! WHY AREN’T YOU HELPING YOUR BEST CUSTOMER?”

(The short woman has had enough, and drags her two kids out behind her.)

Employee: “Ma’am, could you please calm—”

Taller Customer: “H*** NO, I WON’T CALM DOWN! YOU’VE JUST LOST YOUR BEST CUSTOMER! I’M NEVER SHOPPING HERE AGAIN! YOU HEAR ME? NEVER AGAIN!”

(With that, she FINALLY stomped out in a huff, leaving the poor employee utterly bewildered and a line of people finally moving again.)

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