A Warped Sense Of Body Issues

, , , , | Working | December 29, 2018

(We sell custom mirrors which are made in the building. I have been called down to the front.)

Colleague: “This lady would like to return this mirror, but it was over £800.”

Manager: “I see. What is the problem with it?”

Customer: “It’s warped. It’s making me look huge!”

Manager: “Oh, I’m so sorry about that.”

(I look over the mirror but can’t see any warping. I call down someone from quality.)

Quality: “On the surface, there doesn’t seem to be anything wrong. It’s in perfect condition.”

Customer: “But it’s making me look so fat!” *walks in front of it* “See?!”

(I personally wouldn’t describe the woman as “fat” or even overweight, and the mirror seems to be doing as intended. We all realise the problem, but before we can handle the situation, [Quality] decides to speak up.)

Quality: “Well, there’s your problem. You think you’re fat!”

(The customer turns red.)

Customer: “HOW DARE YOU?!”

Quality: “It isn’t my fault. Try losing some weight.” *walks away*

(We refunded the mirror, and she left, saying she would never shop with us again. [Quality] got a stern talking to, and I didn’t let him out on the floor after that.)

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Turning Water Into Milkshake

, , , | Friendly | December 29, 2018

(I’m a youth group leader at my church. My parish holds several potlucks throughout the year. One time, I am sitting with the pastor when I see one of my younger kids come by, looking very pouty.)

Me: “Hey, buddy, what’s wrong?”

Kid: “The ‘panish ladies won’t give me a milkshake!”

(Our parish is very diverse, almost like a small UN. I’m surprised that someone refused him, though.)

Me: “You said the Spanish ladies won’t let you have a milkshake?”

Kid: “Yeah!”

(He points to a table, where two Hispanic-looking women are standing, although they’re hard to spot as they’re somewhat behind a potted tree. They have a one-gallon milk jug at their table, several cups, and nothing else.)

Me: “What did they tell you?”

Kid: “They said I can’t have a milkshake until I’m twenty!”

(My pastor sits up at that. Our branch of Christianity doesn’t mind imbibing, but the pastor specifically asked for non-alcoholic drinks and food, as this is a family event.)

Pastor: “They said the milkshakes are only for grown-ups?”

Kid: “Yeah!”

(The pastor excused himself and headed over to a parish council member. After he spoke with her, the council member visited the two women. I couldn’t hear what was being said, but the council member was clearly furious, and the women looked humiliated. They quickly packed up and left. I later found out the kid had misheard “michelada,” a Mexican cocktail, as “milkshake.” The pastor didn’t shut down the potluck, but he did speak sternly at services the next weekend, reminding everyone about family versus adult events.)

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The One That Shouldn’t Be Allowed In Society Isn’t The Cleaner

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2018

Customer: “Excuse me, I have a complaint to make.”

Me: “Oh, I’m sorry we weren’t able to offer the best standard of service today. I’ll just call a manager.”

Customer: “No, it’s nothing to with you. It’s that young r******d boy I see wandering about the shop. People like that need to be kept on a leash, and properly restrained! Whoever is its keeper needs to be told off before it hurts someone. I just thought I’d complain before leaving. I value my life!”

Me: “I’m sorry, I’m afraid I don’t understand. We also don’t tolerate that kind of language here.”

Customer: “Well, umm… Oh, there it is! See!”

(I look to where she points and see one of our cleaners who has Down Syndrome.)

Me: “That’s [Coworker]. He works here.”

Customer: *shocked* “Those things are allowed to work?!”

(I didn’t get the chance to say anything else. She put a handkerchief over her mouth and ran for the exit, making sure to avoid the cleaner as much as possible. He was completely oblivious to it, thankfully.)

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Immaturity Versus Hypocrisy

, , , , | Right | December 28, 2018

(I work part-time in a gas station convenience store. We typically close at 11:00. However, tonight we decide to close early because we haven’t had a customer since 10:15. All of a sudden, a man walks up to the store as I’m walking out.)

Customer: “Hey, you! Do you work here?”

Me: “I do, but we’re closing early tonight due to lack of customers. You might want to come back tomorrow.”

Customer: “That is NOT how you treat a person as an employee. Serve me!”

Me: “Sir, I was not giving any disrespect, but you are being incredibly rude right now.”

Customer: “Oh, and now you’re telling me how rude I’m being! Hypocrite. Serve me!”

Me: “It’s too late. I’ve already closed the store. I can’t do that now. Also, you are trying to call out MY hypocrisy, but I’m not the one being disrespectful. I already said you could come back tomorrow. YOU are the hypocrite.”

Customer: “I know you are, but what am I?”

Me: “Oh, man, you got me there. Have a good night.”

Customer: “I won’t forget you! You will pay for this.”

Me: “Oh, don’t worry; I’ll remember you, too. See you tomorrow.”

(I walked to my car, hoping and praying I wouldn’t have to see the man the next day.)

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The Root Word Is Root Beer

, , , , | Learning | December 28, 2018

(I work with students with special needs. As most are nonverbal, we speak with a mixture of simplified English and simplified ASL, and have the students use TalkTablets, which we refer to as “Voice.” A student just got his Voice and is having too much fun with it.)

Student: *pressing TALK button* “What what what what button blue green yellow red what what what…”

Me: *speaking and signing* “[Student], no! Voice is speaking, not playing!”

Student: *quickly presses more buttons, then presses TALK* “I want beer! I want beer! I want beer!”

Me: “No, [Student], no… What?!”

(I took the tablet away and sure enough, there was a subsection under FOOD/DRINK for alcohol! We checked the other students’ tablets, and they had it, as well. Because the school provides them with the tablets to keep, and the students are expected to use them for life, the speech therapists ordered the adult version, instead of the kid version. Luckily, they were able to block the grown-up sections. As for my student, he is still learning how to properly use his Voice.)

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